


Never Enough

by flowribell



Series: Exo Love-verse [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, Minor Violence, More plot than porn, Porn With Plot, Romance, Slow Burn, but there will be sex, eventually, slight AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 00:20:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 71,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17652473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowribell/pseuds/flowribell
Summary: Junmyeon is struggling with restriction, and Sehun seems to be the only one who cares. An emergency results in the former's hospitalization which brings the two crashing together. Will they be able to overcome their respective hangups? Will Junmyeon learn to heal himself and accept love into his life? (Spoiler: yes, they will)





	1. Fitting

**Author's Note:**

> I'm throwing this out into the world to test the waters, but I will post more of it if there seems to be interest. <3 I've never posted online before so it's a bit scary!
> 
> This is set on the cusp of ~2015, post Overdose's MV. This is part of my general Exo universe where they're all in love with each other (lol), so there are tie ins to other relationships (D.O./Kai, Baekhyun/Chanyeol) throughout this story. It does stand completely alone.
> 
> Disclaimer: I DO NOT believe that Suho actually has an eating disorder, I am not attempting to diagnose anybody here. It was a plot bunny and I went with it. I've had my own battles with eating disorders, so I'm definitely drawing off my own experiences. Additionally, these are characterizations I've created BASED off of real people, these are NOT real stories. 
> 
> I also am not clear on the details of how SM runs their business, I've heard contradicting things so I've made up my own SM rules and regulations for the sake of the story. There's a blend of reality and made up stuffs (e.g. Sehun has an older sister instead of brother, made up SM events, etc).
> 
> Member names/info for those who don't know Exo (probably just my mom lol):  
> Kim Junmyeon - stage name Suho, singer, EXO-K's leader.  
> Oh Sehun - rapper/dancer, group's youngest member "maknae".  
> Byun Baekhyun - singer.  
> Park Chanyeol - rapper.  
> Do Kyungsoo - stage name D.O., singer.  
> Kim Jongin - stage name Kai, dancer.  
> Kim Minseok -stage name Xiumin, singer.  
> Kim Jongdae - stage name Chen, singer.  
> Zhang Yixing - stage name Lay, dancer, singer.  
> Huang Zitao - stage name Tao, rapper.
> 
> Former members (circa early 2015):  
> Wu Yifan - other name Kris, EXO-M's leader, rapper.  
> Lu Han - singer.
> 
>   
> I mean, wow, how could you not be inspired?

“Sehun.” A voice came with a gentle poke to the shoulder.

Sehun groaned, unmoving.

“Sehun-ah.” The voice came again more urgently, along with further jabbing to his shoulder.

He let out a moan when the jabbing became grabbing and shaking. “Alright, alright.” He mumbled as he raised a hand to stop the assault, cracking open his eyes to glare at his roommate. 

“We’re going to be late for our fitting.” Junmyeon reminded him, giving the younger his notorious “no-nonsense” look that never failed to make Sehun feel guilty, much to his resentment.

“I thought we had until noon to do that.” Sehun groaned, turning and swatting Junmyeon’s hand away for good after realizing it had lingered on his right shoulder. 

Junmyeon looked at him impatiently, folding his arms across his chest. “It’s 11.” 

“Fine.” Sehun sighed, tossing his blanket off himself in an overly dramatic display of frustration. He knew he ought to be grateful to Junmyeon for ensuring Sehun made it to the fitting, the leader could have simply gone on his own, but it was hard to channel gratitude in his groggy state.

“Thank you for waking me.” Sehun finally mustered as he stood to put together a change of clothes. 

“Of course.” Junmyeon responded without hesitation, his lips pulling into a smile. “You were up really late last night, I thought I’d let you sleep in as much as you could.” 

Sehun winced, both from pangs of guilt at Junmyeon’s thoughtfulness and the realization that he must have woken up the older at some point if he knew how late Sehun had stayed awake. 

“Did I wake you again?” He asked, slipping a new shirt on over his head as he turned to face Junmyeon. 

“Yeah, but only for a bit so it's alright.” Junmyeon assured. Sehun narrowed his gaze on the leader skeptically for a moment to gauge if his words carried any hidden upset that he should take note of, but not immediately picking up on any, he shrugged it off. Junmyeon wasn't usually the type to be passive aggressive anyways. 

“Well I still apologize, hyung.” He told him before heading to the bathroom to finish his morning routine. 

“It's alright, just hurry up.” Junmyeon called in after him, and Sehun could practically hear the impatient tapping of the leader's foot from behind the closed bathroom door. 

It had been going on three years since the band debuted and he and Junmyeon had moved into the quaint dormitory together. Initially Sehun had been annoyed at the pairing, as despite his being close with the leader, their sleep schedules and general living attitudes were quite different. Sehun was a night owl and rather messy, while Junmyeon was in bed by 10:30 sharp and kept his area pristine. Eventually, though, they had fallen into a type of sync together. They both did their best to be quiet while the other was asleep, and Sehun worked harder to pick up after himself while Junmyeon eased up on constantly giving him a hard time for his messiness. The compromise had done wonders for their friendship and their respective moods, which caused Sehun to feel particularly guilty whenever he accidentally woke the other. 

Having finished brushing his teeth and washing his face, Sehun reentered the room and cued Junmyeon that he was ready to head to their fitting. The older nodded and lead them out of their dorm room, through the shared apartment and towards the tailor’s meeting location. 

This would be their final fitting for the coordinated suits the group would wear for SM's end of the year party. It was a particularly showy occasion wherein all those employed or associated with SM in some capacity, either by fame or wealth, were invited. Their company spared no expense in the past years for their outfits, and this year was no different. The initial fitting and design began over three months prior, and this last fitting was scheduled two weeks preceding the party to ensure the fit was correct and make any necessary last minute fixes. 

“Are you excited for the party?” Junmyeon asked as they walked down the hallway towards the meeting room. 

“Yeah, I guess.” Sehun said with a slight shrug. “Always feels a bit more like a networking formality than an actual party.”

“True, but that's part of why I like it.” The older replied, his smile bringing up the corners of his eyes. “It's an opportunity to meet new people and make connections.”

“Ah.” The younger let out in agreement. “I think you're a bit more practical than me, I just wish it was more fun.” 

Junmyeon's smile widened in a chuckle, pupils now completely hidden. “Well, we can have our own fun new year's eve party.” 

“Oh yeah?” Sehun asked, amused. “What would we do for fun?” 

Junmyeon’s smile pulled into a contemplative pout, and Sehun had to keep himself from chuckling at how facially expressive he could be. “I dunno, games, karaoke, drinking.. eating.” The leader added on the last point as if it was an afterthought.

Sehun assessed Junmyeon's expression skeptically at the mention of eating. He couldn't recall the last time he had actually witnessed the leader eat anything more than a stick of gum. 

“What would you want to get to eat?” Sehun asked. 

He hadn't noticed they had arrived at location, and Junmyeon escaped the question with a simple “anything’s fine” before opening the door for the younger. 

The tailor opted to start with Sehun, handing him his suit in a large zippered pouch and gesturing towards a curtain for him to change behind. Sehun was anything but modest, not really seeing the point in the flimsy curtain, but followed the older tailor's instructions nonetheless. 

“Wow, Sehun, it looks great!” Junmyeon cheered as the younger emerged from behind the curtain.

Sehun warmed at the compliment, a sheepish smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Thanks, Hyung.” He said as he turned in front of the multi-angled mirror to see if he agreed with the leader. The tailor quickly followed, finding a few things to fix about the suit that Sehun definitely found unnecessary, but he understood the perfectionist nature of the task.

A catcall whistle suddenly rang through the room, prompting Sehun to jerk his head to locate its origin and the tailor to scold him for moving so quickly while he was being pinned. 

Sehun muttered a quick apology to the man before narrowing his gaze onto the two that had just entered, Baekhyun and Chanyeol. 

“I'll be taking that as a compliment, Baekhyun-hyung.” Sehun informed, knowing without having seen it that it was his whistle. 

“Good, that's how it was intended.” Baekhyun said with a wink, and Sehun had to resist another chuckle at the scowl taking over Chanyeol's face. The man had seemingly zero tolerance for Baekhyun's more homoerotic jokes, of which he made many, making them all the more amusing to the youngest. Sehun himself had developed something close to zero tolerance for Chanyeol's frequently homophobic attitudes, and appreciated the subtle challenge the jokes posed him. 

“Alright, that'll do.” The tailor interjected, gesturing once again towards the curtain for him to change out of the suit. 

He emerged from behind the curtain and handed the repackaged suit to the tailor after the older man had handed Junmyeon his suit. The leader passed Sehun with an excited smile as he now headed to change. 

There was a long pause following Junmyeon's disappearance behind the curtain, longer than it ought to take for him to change into the suit. The four men waited, but Sehun could tell the others were becoming impatient. 

“Do you need any help, hyung?” He called out. 

Junmyeon rounded the edge of the curtain slowly and Sehun could immediately see what the problem was. The suit was practically falling off him, it was baggy in most places and the waistband of his pants was gaping open, clearly a few centimeters too wide. The humiliation on the leader's face was enough to make Sehun's heart sink to his stomach. 

“Could this be somebody else’s suit?” Junmyeon asked the tailor, something akin to desperation in his eyes.

“No, it is definitely yours.” The tailor assured, crossing to where Junmyeon was apparently frozen in place. “I’ll take it in for you.” He told him, making fast work at pinning the suit together in a way that would fit the leader more appropriately. 

“Trying on your daddy’s suits, eh?” Chanyeol teased with a malicious smirk, prompting a glare from Sehun and a smack to the arm from Baekhyun. “What? I’ve seen more meat on a chicken.” Baekhyun smacked him again.

Unable to think of anything to say that might make the situation better, Sehun gazed on, wishing that he could somehow channel comfort over to the obviously mortified Junmyeon. 

“I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened.” He heard the leader mutter under his breath to the tailor. 

“Oh, it's not a problem. It's quite a simple fix.” The tailor reassured, moving and pinning swiftly across the leader's frame. “Alright, that should do you.” He said as he finished, expressionless and gesturing towards the curtain in the same way he had for Sehun. 

Junmyeon nodded in thanks and scurried back over to the curtain, seemingly relieved to be rid of the suit. 

“Can we go?” Junmyeon asked Sehun immediately upon his return from changing back into his clothes, peering nervously over his shoulder at Chanyeol who was now being handed his own suit. Chanyeol certainly had been a bit more of an asshole recently, but seeing the leader practically running away from him was still somewhat unsettling.

“Sure.” Sehun responded, giving him a light smile before turning to lead the way out and back towards their dorm. 

They walked the distance in silence. Junmyeon didn't say anything and Sehun wasn't one to push.

Sehun knew firsthand that it was normal to watch what one ate when they were part of a successful boy band, but coming up on half a year ago Junmyeon seemingly stopped eating at all. While he had noticed this, he’d never thought to confront the leader about it, not typically involving himself in the personal matters of others. Besides, Sehun had seen his older sister struggle through something similar and knew just how far any confrontation did _not_ get you. 

However, despite all this, Sehun felt his concern at having now seen just how much weight Junmyeon had actually lost nagging away at him. He felt guilty that he was markedly more worried for Junmyeon than he had been with his sister, though he did realize he was younger then and his parents had certainly done more than enough worrying about her for him... Sehun wasn't entirely sure if Junmyeon had anybody else worrying about him, come to think of it.

The walk took a shorter amount of time than the younger remembered, and they were soon back at the entrance of their shared room. 

“Chanyeol is such an asshole.” Junmyeon blurted as soon as the door was shut, and Sehun barely managed to choke back a surprised laugh. 

“He really is.” Sehun agreed, sitting on the edge of his bed after Junmyeon flopped himself down onto his own. “Not sure what his problem is.” 

“Probably compensating for something.” Junmyeon spat. “He's not particularly gifted in certain departments.” He added, and Sehun didn't bother holding in the laugh this time.

“Hey now, he could be a grower.” 

“I'd put money on a shrinker.” Junmyeon countered, causing the younger to break out in another laugh.

Sehun had understood for some time that he was the only member that got to bear witness to Junmyeon's angry moods. It became apparent after he'd recounted one of the leader's tantrums to the others and they had looked at him as if he had tentacles growing from his head, unable to imagine the leader in anything other than his professional cheery mood. 

He wasn't sure if this was simply a product of their close proximity as roommates, if the leader didn't care to keep up appearances in front of him in particular or, he found himself hoping, that Junmyeon trusted him to some extent. It was abundantly clear to him that the leader worked very hard to upkeep his appearance, so regardless of the reason, he was just relieved he had an outlet to release some steam. Even if Sehun was occasionally the target. 

“Sorry I dragged you out of there.” Junmyeon apologized, taking his face out from where it had been buried in his pillow to regard Sehun. “Realize you didn't have to come with me.”

“It's alright, I wanted to leave too.” Sehun assured. “It'd be nice to hang out with Baekhyun but not with Chanyeol there. Wonder if something bad is going on with him that’s made him such an ass.” The man had always been a bit of a bully, but recently the insults and teasing had ramped up significantly.

“Hmpf.” Junmyeon let out unsympathetically. “Maybe, not fair of him to take it out on us, though.”

Sehun nodded in agreement and let the room fall back to silence.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Sehun finally asked after a long pause full of Junmyeon's sulking.

The leader looked over at him and opened his mouth a few times as if to start saying something, but stopped himself each time. 

“Don't have to.” Sehun reminded, breaking eye contact and laying down in an attempt at lessening the pressure.

“I thought..” Junmyeon started. “I just thought I was eating more, I guess.”

Sehun looked back over at him, keeping his disbelief clear from his face. “You did?” He asked gently.

“I did. I wasn't expecting this.”

“Hyung, I never see you eat.” Sehun told him honestly, the discussion beginning to remind him eerily of his sister. 

“You don't have to personally see it for it to be happening.” Junmyeon argued, his tone beginning to take an angrier turn.

“True, but we do live and work together. Unless you're eating locked up in the bathroom, you'd think I would have seen it at some point over the last few months.” Sehun countered, but regretted it when it appeared the statement had struck a foul chord in the older. 

Junmyeon glared at him. “You don't know anything.” 

“Maybe.” Sehun admitted, pouting his lips slightly in defeat. “Just worried about you.” 

“I..” Junmyeon started, seemingly taken aback by the younger's admission. “I'm sorry, I don't really think I want to talk about this anymore.” 

“Sure.” Sehun complied. “Tell me more about your magically fun new year's eve party plans, then.” 

Junmyeon's face finally brightened with a smile, and he promptly launched into a lengthy discussion of party ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all liked it! Comments and feedback very much appreciated.
> 
> I know Suho is the messy one between the two but this is just how it happened for this story. Maybe I'll make it more realistic in the future. x)


	2. Christmas Shopping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More hunho eye candy  
> 

Junmyeon wandered the aisles of the market, his face mask firmly in place as the fluorescent lights overhead assaulted his eyes. It was winter time, so he could get away with the simple disguise combo of a face mask, beanie and scarf out in public. He wasn't technically supposed to be out like this, but how else could he buy surprise Christmas gifts?

Sehun's 'just worried about you’ ran through his head as he searched for gifts his roommate might like, and he dwelled on the words just as he had multiple times over the last few days since the younger had said them. Even the humiliation he felt at his suit no longer fitting had been overshadowed by it. Junmyeon felt a bit weak by how much the simple statement had affected him, but he couldn't recall hearing that sort of sentiment from anybody before. 

His family had never been the affectionate type, and while they had expressed worry for him, it was always over his grades or his future career. Even with Sehun being one of the most expressionless people he'd ever met, he knew him enough to tell the statement came from genuine concern for his well-being. 

That insight both warmed and unnerved him. It made him feel some type of way that Sehun cared about him enough to say it, but it also frightened him that his bad eating habits had become so seemingly obvious to another person. He hoped it was only his roommate that had become suspicious, but even that was too much for comfort. 

It was never supposed to become this, he never intended to lose this much weight. It started as a simple way to cut down on what many in his life teasingly referred to as his “baby fat” to achieve a body he found more correct for a boyband, and it had snowballed. He found that the restriction helped him feel some semblance of control in the unpredictable life of a K-pop star, something he'd worked so long and hard for, and at first seeing the visible weight loss had been rewarding. It quickly became addictive, and even when he achieved his ‘ideal physique’ he found he'd been unable to stop the restricting. Recently he was finding it difficult to look at himself in the mirror. He felt he looked sickly, his bones were poking out in places he didn't think they should, and the thought that it could get worse terrified him. 

He wondered briefly if others knowing about it might be just the dose of shame he needed to get some motivation for change, but ultimately he hoped Sehun having an inkling would be the worst it would get. Though, when he thought about it, out of all his co-members, Sehun knowing was likely the least terrifying scenario. The leader couldn't recall ever meeting anybody so… non-judgmental, and while he always listened he never pushed. 

Junmyeon stared more purposefully at the box of sweets he'd been standing in front of for the last few moments and finally decided to place it in his basket. Somebody was bound to eat them and he really shouldn't stand in one place for so long like this. 

He contemplated the thought of Sehun truly knowing about his ‘problem’ as he walked about, collecting other tidbits for his co-members. Willing it away clearly hadn't worked, and his online searches for answers mostly came up with resources targeted at girls that endorsed the bad habits. Medical help was obviously not an option either. Maybe somebody knowing was? Somebody to talk- vent to about it? He wasn't sure if it would help or exacerbate the issue, he also wasn't sure about putting that potential pressure on his roommate, but it might be worth a try.. at some point. 

Not entirely convinced of his new idea, he once again resolved to attempt to eat more on his own, but ‘for real’ this time. Any moment he disassociated from himself enough to objectively observe his own behavior, he felt pessimistic about that actually working. He had to continue to try, though, this was a bit too shameful of a secret for him to feel comfortable openly sharing. 

On that resolution, Junmyeon decided to seek out something for himself to eat. He'd been decent at resisting his cravings, but there was one in particular that had been a significant challenge. Mochi. He hadn't had it in coming up on half a year, which was around when this had all escalated, so he figured it might be a good way to attempt to finish it. Once again. 

It didn't take long to find them, and the leader was quickly overwhelmed by the amount of options. They were all beautiful, pristine, in different colors and designs, packaged up neatly on the shelves. He could feel his anxiety spike just looking at them. 

It took him longer than he'd like to admit, but eventually he reached out and grabbed blindly at the assorted packages. One found its way into his nervously sweaty grasp, and he placed it in his basket and stormed determinedly to checkout. He found going through the traditional line was less likely to attract attention than self-checkout, the way those machines acted up he was bound to have an attendant over to speak with him. As long as he kept his face on his phone and appeared disinterested, he'd get through fine. 

Junmyeon pulled out his phone after he placed his items on the belt, and almost immediately there was a notifying buzz. Speak of the devil. 

_Where are you?_ It was Sehun. 

_I'll tell you when I get back. Be there in a half hour._ Junmyeon responded. He was fine with the younger knowing he was breaking the rules, again the only person he accepted knowing that sort of thing about him, but he was also wary that SM kept consistent tabs on their phone use. 

_Sure._ Came the quick reply, and Junmyeon was sure the younger already had an idea. 

How was it possible that the most unreadable person he'd ever met could somehow read him so easily? Junmyeon scowled, the question quickly frustrating him. He hadn't yet determined if Sehun knew these things about him because he personally trusted the younger with them, or because the younger was simply so intuitive the leader couldn't hide it from him if he tried. 

Sehun was known for being reserved in nearly every aspect of life, and people reacted to him very differently. Junmyeon had seen many enamored with his seemingly “mysterious” persona, desperate to learn more about him. Though, he'd seen people pissed off at his assumed indifference much more often. Junmyeon knew enough to understand he was neither romantically mysterious nor indifferent, he merely preferred to keep to himself and observe those around him. 

However, even Junmyeon felt he didn't know much about Sehun, which made his idea of divulging his eating issues to him all the more ludicrous. How could he share something so personal when he knew so little of Sehun's own personal matters?

“Sir?” The cashier's insistent voice cut through his clouded train of thought, and he felt his cheeks turn red at the realization that he had missed the machine's prompt to pay. 

“Sorry.” He muttered, quickly pulling out his card and inserting it into the device.

With a ding! the payment was complete, and he hastily grabbed his bags and hightailed out of the market. The chilly cold air hit him as he crossed through the doorway, quickly seeping through his many layers of clothes and finding contact with his bare skin. He shivered and readjusted his scarf before taking off in a determined power walk towards the dormitory. 

The location of SM's buildings was unfortunately not private information, and frequently there would be swarms of fans flanking each of the main entrances. Junmyeon had found an alternative exit some years ago that he had clued Sehun in on, assuming that the younger would've passed it on to the others. Whether he had done so or not, he wasn't sure, but it had thankfully stayed private all this time. Junmyeon needed to be able to leave on his own occasionally, for his own sanity. 

He was shivering through and through when he made it back to the building. His body was losing its ability to regulate his temperature, and the winter weather was not helping one bit. He paused to recompose himself after he'd unlocked and opened the door, relieved to be back in the air conditioned hallway. 

“Do you need any help with those?” A familiar voice cleared his shivery fog, causing him to start. 

“Gah, Sehun, don't sneak up on me like that.” Junmyeon scolded, grateful that the face mask covered his now completely flushed cheeks. “And no, there are gifts in here so I should really carry them myself.” 

“Alright, sorry hyung.” Sehun responded, and Junmyeon swore he could see a slight smirk on his face. 

Junmyeon made his way over to the elevators, somewhat regretting not handing a few of the bags over to the younger as they were becoming progressively heavier. Sehun silently accompanied him up the elevator and down back to the shared apartment. 

“What were you doing down there?” Junmyeon asked after he set his bags down on his mattress. His alternative entrance was successful due to it being through the building's pseudo basement floor, only accessible through the maintenance and parking buildings. Neither were places they frequented often. 

“I had an idea of what you were up to so I thought I'd see if you needed any help carrying the stuff up.” Sehun told him. 

“Am I that predictable?” Junmyeon asked in an attempt to understand how Sehun figured these things out. 

“I wouldn't say that, no. This is just something you've done every year before Christmas.” Sehun shrugged, eyeing Junmyeon in a way he couldn't place. “...Does it bother you?” 

“I.. no.. I mean, I don't think so.” Junmyeon started with a frown.. _‘why can you read me when I can't read you?’ ‘how dare you involve yourself in my personal life when I'm not involved in yours?’ ‘why did it have to be you that’s noticed I’m not eating when seemingly nobody else has?’_

Junmyeon settled on saying “I just don't know how you figure me out so easily.” while quickly preoccupying himself with sorting through his shopping. 

“It's not that difficult, you just have to be paying attention.” Sehun told him, his voice nonchalant. 

“Paying attention?” Junmyeon repeated, turning back around to look at the younger. He felt defensive at the potential implication that nobody paid attention to him, but wasn't sure if that was Sehun's intent. 

“Well, yeah.” Sehun said with another shrug. “Pretty sure everybody expects your Christmas gifts by now.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Junmyeon agreed, forcing a slight smile. He was letting himself get worked up needlessly. 

“So.. what did you get me?” Sehun prodded, attempting to look over the older's shoulder. 

“If you've been paying attention these last few years you know I'm not telling you that.” The older glared. “Actually, could you go in the common space for a bit? I need to wrap this stuff and I don't want you seeing anything.”

“Sure, but it better be good.” Sehun teased, turning to make his way towards the door. 

“Oh, Sehun?” Junmyeon called after him, causing the younger to promptly turn back around to face him. 

“Yeah?” He asked. 

“I.. uh, bought these for myself.” Junmyeon told him, no longer able to make eye contact as he held up the neat package of mochi. “So please don't eat any of them, okay?” He finished and hesitantly looked back to Sehun’s face, hoping that the younger understood the subtle message that he was attempting to eat more. 

“Of course.” Sehun assured, giving the leader an understanding smile before turning back around and leaving the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do tend to write SM as like a neutral evil 'big brother' type of entity. Again, not sure of its accuracy but it's fun.


	3. Faint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapterly Seho/Hunho cuteness  
> 
> 
> Thank you everybody for the kudos! I'm happy to see you're enjoying it. :)
> 
> Btw, in my separate story line for Kai/D.O., Kai knows that D.O. is gay but thinks that D.O. is in love with Suho for some ~silly~ reason, hence him being irrationally jealous and annoyed with the leader in this chapter.  
> I also know I've made Chanyeol the asshole, and he's about to get worse, but I swear he will have his own redemption ark.

Sehun ran his fingers over the package of mochi, turning it over gingerly to inspect the seal. The package had sat atop their dresser, visibly untouched, for the past half week since the leader had purchased it. 

Letting out a sigh, he realized he had been somewhat hopeful when Junmyeon had made his point that he’d bought them for himself. The leader had seemed intent on showing he was going to try, but the last few days had passed no differently than the past few months. He couldn't recall seeing Junmyeon eat much of anything, though he suspected he might be avoiding him to some degree. 

Christmas was just around the corner, a day that Junmyeon typically spearheaded and planned for the entire group. Sehun wondered briefly if he wouldn't this year, or whether or not he'd eat the mochi before then as it was likely to go bad. Knowing him, he'd probably end up giving it away as a gift on Christmas, but that would certainly be admitting defeat in Sehun's eyes. 

Sehun ensured the package was exactly as he found it before turning on his heels and escaping the small room. He entertained the thought of simply not concerning himself with it, _If Junmyeon wasn't motivated enough to care about his own health then why should I?_ But he quickly dismissed the thought, accepting that he definitely cared too much about the person who had become one of his best friends over the years to have that sort of attitude. 

He flopped himself down on the common room couch, turning on the TV in an effort to distract himself from his concern. The leader was off at an interview that would effectively wrap up their end of year campaign. Sehun was greatly looking forward to the last few parties of the year which would be directly followed by a much deserved January break. It was one of the only breaks they received all year from EXO business, and often the guys would participate in other media projects during it, but this year Sehun was just going to take it off. Part of him was hoping Junmyeon would too. 

“What are you watching?” Baekhyun’s voice came from behind him, and Sehun quickly registered his approaching footsteps.

“I don't actually know.” He admitted, interrupting his train of thought to focus finally on the television. It looked like some kind of generic reality show. 

“You thinking about something?” Baekhyun questioned as he sat down beside him on the couch, facing halfway between him and the TV. 

“Yeah.” Sehun let out, contemplatively chewing on his bottom lip as he considered what would be appropriate to discuss. Junmyeon was a very private person and wouldn't appreciate if he shared this sort of thing, and as much as he would like to discuss it with someone else, it would be against his own principles to do so. 

“What?” Baekhyun followed his line of interrogation, and Sehun resisted a chuckle at his impatience. 

“Do you know anything about what's going on with Chanyeol?” Not quite truthful, but still something he had been wondering about. 

He noticed the red creeping into Baekhyun's cheeks. “What do you mean?” He asked, his tone’s previously playful curiosity replaced with hesitance. 

“He's been a lot more of an ass recently.” Sehun explained as he watched the other's facial expressions carefully. 

“Ah.” Baekhyun breathed, breaking eye contact. “I don't really know. I stopped hanging out with him as much when he started acting up, and it's just gotten worse since then.”

“So you think it has to do with you?”

“I-I.. I don't know, really.” 

“It makes sense, you two are pretty close.” Sehun offered before turning down the television a bit. “Is he in there?” He asked, gesturing towards the room Baekhyun and Chanyeol shared. 

“No, he already left for the gym.” He said, looking over at the room as if to reassure himself of that fact. “Yeah, I mean it would make sense, and I feel bad about it, but.. he's so difficult to be around when he's like this and he won't talk to me about why it started in the first place.” 

Sehun nodded, understanding to some degree. Chanyeol never came off as one for healthy communication. 

Baekhyun redirected his gaze. “Is this about what he said to Junmyeon?” 

“Sort of, but he's been shitty for a while now.” Sehun recalled, nobody had been safe these past few months from Chanyeol's mean-spirited teasing. 

“Yeah.” Baekhyun agreed, pursing his lips before eagerly changing the subject. “What happened with Junmyeon's suit anyways? Did the tailor mess up his measurements?”

Sehun gawked. Was it not obvious how much weight the leader was losing? “Uh, I'm not sure, really.” He started, deciding leaving him oblivious would be better. In addition to his respect for Junmyeon's privacy, he had a feeling Baekhyun would be the type to hound him if he realized it was unhealthy weight loss. More so than what was typically deemed acceptable unhealthy weight loss in the industry, at least. “The tailor is fixing it, though.”

“That's good.” Baekhyun decided, nodding and turning his attention more towards the television. Sehun took the hint that he wasn't entirely interested in continuing the conversation for whatever reason, and he was content with instead watching the show as well. 

The reality program wasn't very high in quality or production, but it certainly served as a good distractor. At some point Jongin joined them, but other than that Sehun was quite oblivious to the world moving around him. He eventually pulled out his phone to find that while two more hours had passed, there was no sign of Junmyeon or the rest of the group.

“You guys know when they’re supposed to be back?” He asked, peering down at his phone once again in the off chance it would bring him new information.

Baekhyun just shrugged, and Jongin checked his own phone. “No idea about Junmyeon, but Kyungsoo and Chanyeol won’t be back till late.” 

Sehun shifted to face Jongin. “What’s Kyungsoo-hyung doing?”

“He’s training for that new show he’s going to be on in January.” 

Sehun wasn’t sure, but Jongin looked somewhat miffed by Kyungsoo’s plans. “What show?”

“I don't know the name but it's a new drama. Junmyeon probably knows.” Jongin retorted, emphasizing the leader’s name with something that sounded like spite.

Sehun was officially confused. “Why would he know any more than you?” He understood Junmyeon and Jongin were never particularly close, but he couldn't begin to imagine what could've caused him discontent with the leader. 

Jongin's expression fell, as if he'd been caught doing something wrong. “They talk to each other a lot, I dunno.” He attempted to explain, the conversation now having caught the attention of Baekhyun. 

“C’mon, he talks to you more.” Baekhyun countered. “Did something bad happen between you two or something?” 

“No, nothing. Just forget I said anything.” Jongin left it, shutting down the conversation the same way Baekhyun had earlier. _Seems like everybody is full of secrets today._

Baekhyun attempted to press him more, ‘what happened with Kyungsoo?’ ‘why are you mad at Junmyeon?’ but Jongin just shook his head and refused to answer anything. The questioning confirmed Sehun's suspicions that Baekhyun wasn't the best at minding his own business, and when Jongin looked like he might absolutely burst in frustration under Baekhyun's pressure, Sehun finally decided to intervene. 

“Give it a rest, Baekhyun-hyung.” Sehun let out, sending him a gentle warning look. 

Baekhyun pouted at him like he was spoiling his fun, but eventually slumped back into the couch in defeat. Jongin sent Sehun a quiet thanks before turning his attention back to the tv.

As if on cue, Junmyeon came through the front door. The three stared him down like he’d overheard them talking about him, and he paused hesitantly in the entryway. “Um, is something going on?” He asked, unmoving.

“Jongin says you know what drama Kyungsoo is going to star in this January.” Baekhyun blurted, and Sehun had to hold back from visibly wincing. The man just couldn't leave things be.

“Uh, yeah, it’s called Hello Monster.” Junmyeon told them, seemingly confused as to why that would be of concern. Sehun noticed the scowl forming on Jongin’s face.

Baekhyun leaned forward. “How did you know?” 

“It’s sort of my job as leader to know.” Junmyeon explained, finally moving from the entryway and closing the door behind him. “I get filled in on what everybody’s up to, especially over breaks.”

“So he didn’t tell you himself.”

Junmyeon gave him a perplexed look. “No.. why would that matter?” 

“No reason.” Baekhyun finished his onslaught and leaned to pat Jongin on the knee, prompting the younger's cheeks to flush.

Junmyeon's confusion stayed prominent on his face, but it seemed he was either too tired or uninterested to dig more into the matter. “I'll be in my room.” He told them, locking eyes with Sehun briefly before scurrying away and shutting their door behind him.

Sehun sighed, fiddling with his thumbs as he returned his attention to the television. He quickly realized he was too lost in thought to fall back into the reality show’s void, and he resolved to get himself up and off his ass. He really should get in at least an hour or two of dance practice before the studios closed up for the night. 

Hoisting himself up from his spot on the couch, he made his way over to his bedroom. While realizing Junmyeon had just gone in there, but not feeling the need to knock, he proceeded to open the door and let himself in. 

That was a mistake, and he froze when he was met with the sight of a hardly clothed Junmyeon. He was standing as if mid-change, something that wouldn't normally be an issue for a bandmate to see. They were used to changing in front of each other between the constant outfit changes and the communal baths, but the leader had grown increasingly modest as of late. He’d switched over to changing locked away in their bathroom whenever Sehun was present, and he’d also noticed that Junmyeon always managed to disappear from the group and change on his own whenever they went off now on shoots.

“Sorry.” Sehun breathed. “Let me know when you're done.” Not allowing the bewildered leader the chance to respond, he turned and left the room as quickly as he'd entered. 

Sehun didn't think it'd be such a shock in light of recent events, but Junmyeon was practically skeletal. He winced at the image still seared in his mind. The leader had only been in his boxer briefs, something that also appeared to have gotten too big for him, and his bones were just so… visible. His skin caved in around his chest bones, his ribs poked out, and his shoulders and knees were knobbed. Sure, Sehun himself was thin and could probably find a bone or two if he tried, but from Junmyeon’s shape to his skin coloring, the leader looked different - like he was sick. 

Sehun groaned at the thought, running a hand through his hair in some attempt at self comfort. He could still remember how attracted he'd been to Junmyeon back when he'd first met him all those years ago. The new leader had been so smiley, gorgeous and full of life. Sehun had developed something of a crush on him, but between his desire to be professional with his co-members and the general fear that comes with its same-sex nature, he'd successfully forced himself to withdraw from those thoughts and instead focused primarily on his attraction to women. 

He still considered Junmyeon absolutely gorgeous, that much hadn't changed, but presently he looked like he'd had the life sucked out of him. 

“Sehun?” A timid voice came, and he turned to see Junmyeon peeking out from their half-opened door. “I’m sorry, you didn’t have to leave like that.” He said, his words not matching his expression nor body language, it was clear he didn’t want Sehun seeing him like that for any longer than necessary.

“Don’t worry about it.” He said with a smile, trying to take on a tone of normalcy. “Do you want to come with me down to the studio? I’m going to get some practicing in.” He told him as he moved to open the door more fully and walk past the leader into their room. 

“Um, sure. I may not dance much, though. Little tired.” Junmyeon said, still some nervousness about him as he shrugged. 

“That's cool, you can chill on the couch and cheer me on.” Sehun joked, throwing him a smile before reaching to pat him on the head. Finally getting a slight smile out of the leader, Sehun moved to grab his gym bag and a pair of shoes suitable for dancing. 

Junmyeon followed him as he made his way towards the door, stopping at the shared shoe bench to put on his sneakers. 

Sehun looked up from his feet momentarily to regard the leader. “How did the interview go?” 

“It was fine.. Just weird doing it without Kris.” Junmyeon sighed, crossing his arms over his chest as he waited. 

“Yeah.. did they ask you about the lawsuits?” Sehun asked and realized the stupidity of the question as it left his mouth, they definitely hadn't asked about that. Kris and Lu Han had only just recently pressed charges, so it was likely against SM's best interests for them to openly discuss it.

The leader looked at him as if he felt similarly, but still went on to answer. “No, they didn't. It made it a bit awkward, you could tell they were avoiding it.”

“I don't envy your job.” Sehun told him with a humorless laugh, standing up from his spot on the bench after he'd finished lacing up his shoes. “You ready?” 

Junmyeon nodded and followed Sehun out the dormitory apartment towards the dance studio. It wasn't long before they were there, and Sehun quickly got to setting up the music as Junmyeon got settled in on the couch. SM was moving forward with a new album release followed by another tour in a few months, and he'd already been given some subset dance routines to practice in addition to the group choreography. 

Glancing again in Junmyeon's direction and finding the leader contentedly scrolling on his phone, Sehun decided to get started. 

He'd gotten to the point in practicing the new choreography that he didn't need a reference as often anymore, which meant that he could dedicate more time to perfecting each move and transition. He started with his routines for the group dances and worked his way up through to the more complicated duos and trios. 

He noticed Junmyeon started to pay attention to his dancing when he moved onto the subset choreography, likely because he hadn't yet seen them. Sehun wasn't particularly one for being the center of attention for long, making him all the more thankful that all of these additional dances were performed alongside Jongin or Yixing, but he never felt quite as uncomfortable when Junmyeon was his audience. 

“Is that a dance you and Jongin are gonna do in between songs?” The leader asked after he'd come to a rest following the first duo routine. 

“Yeah,” Sehun laughed as he remembered the description of the dance. “It's supposed to be sexy, I don't think I've really got it quite yet.” 

“You'll get there.” Junmyeon teased with a grin, waving the younger off when he threw a mock glare in his direction. “Keep practicing! You'll never get to the sexy goal if you don't.”

Sehun laughed and relented, moving over to pick out the music for a trio routine to be performed by himself, Jongin, and Yixing. It was less of a ‘sexy’ routine and more of a technical one, designed to show off their dancing skills. Sehun resented it a bit, still not feeling like he could compare in technical ability to Yixing nor Jongin. 

He started the choreography nonetheless, Junmyeon's eyes still focused on him. It was more aerobic than the previous routine, and he could feel himself losing his breath with each turn and jump. _This is what you learned breathing techniques for_ , he reminded himself, and he tried to put them in practice as he made his way through the rest of the steps. 

The ending wasn't exactly possible without the other two dancers there as it was coordinated, but Sehun improvised with something similar as the music faded out. 

“That was so cool!” Junmyeon near squealed as Sehun attempted to catch his breath, the smile forming on his lips making that effort all the more difficult. 

“Thanks.” He breathed, moving towards the couch to pull a water bottle from the adjacent fridge.

“Could you show me how you did the ending moves?” Junmyeon asked as he turned on the couch towards him, watching his face expectantly. 

“Uhh, sure. I kinda made that last bit up, Jongin and Yixing need to be with me to do it the right way.” Sehun admitted, taking another long drink from his water. 

“You made that up?” Junmyeon’s lower lip dropped slightly in what looked like surprise. 

“Hey, don't look so shocked. I'm alright at dancing.” 

“That's not it! Really.” Junmyeon insisted. “I'm just impressed. There's a difference between being good at dancing and making up your own choreo.” 

“Ah.. thanks.” Sehun said, looking down at his hands as he felt warmth at the compliment creeping its way onto his face. 

“So, will you show it to me?” Junmyeon asked, the excited tone returning to his voice.

“Yeah, of course, c’mere.” Sehun beckoned as he made his way back into the center of the room. 

Sehun watched as the leader excitedly stood with a burst from his spot on the couch, only to be brought back down by some unknown force.

“Are you alright?” Sehun asked, making his way back over to the couch to kneel down by Junmyeon, his smile had been replaced by something that looked more like pained exhaustion. 

“Yeah, I'm fine.” The leader breathed. “Just stood up too fast.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, just give me a second.”

“Okay.” Sehun let out, not fully convinced. 

A few moments passed, and eventually the leader stood up again, this time much more slowly. “Should be fine now.” He nodded in Sehun's direction. 

“Alright.” Sehun said and guided the leader to the center of the studio, still somewhat cautious. 

Deciding not to dwell on it and instead trust the leader’s judgement, Sehun began showing him each of the movements that lead into the final steps. At first, Junmyeon was following along very well. He wasn't necessarily touted as being one of Exo's best dancers, but Sehun always felt that he had a great accuracy and grace about him. 

However, when they moved into the more exhausting parts of the choreography, that quickly fell apart. 

“I'm not feeling very well.” Junmyeon told him with a ragged breath, and Sehun had to move quickly to offer the leader support as he noticed his knees begin to buckle. His eyes were slipping closed, as if he was about to faint. 

Sehun slung an arm around his waist and guided the leader back over to the couch, sitting him down next to him. 

“You should put your head between your knees.” He told Junmyeon, lightly pressing an open palm against his upper back to guide him down. The leader obeyed, exhaling as he placed his head between his knees and wrapped his arms around his legs. 

Sehun took the opportunity to fetch him a water bottle and to grab one of the many face towels in the basket next to the fridge, dunking some of the bottled water on it to dampen the cloth. 

Sitting back down next to Junmyeon, he placed a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, look up at me for a second.”

Junmyeon did as requested, turning his head slowly from its spot between his legs to lock eyes with Sehun. The younger swallowed at the complete lack of color in the leader's face, and he made quick work of dabbing the damp cloth against his forehead and cheeks. 

This was not the first time Junmyeon had become unwell or nearly fainted in dance practice. He usually had an excuse of being under the weather or not having slept enough, but now Sehun wasn't sure of how truthful that was. 

“Here, drink this water.” He instructed as he handed the bottle to him. “And you should eat something.”

The last request garnered an unpleasant expression from the leader, but Sehun didn't back down. “I have some snacks with me.” He gestured to his gym bag before pulling it towards them to open it and sort through its contents. 

He proceeded to pull a few different snacks from his bag and show them to Junmyeon, he always carried a few high protein foods along with some junkier ones. After none received any interest from the leader, Sehun held back a sigh. 

“Would you have some hard ginger candy?” He asked, nearly desperate. “It's not that much, it'll give you a bit of sugar and maybe help your stomach.” 

Junmyeon just looked at him. While the exhaustion was mostly gone from his expression now, he still looked incredibly pained. 

“Okay.” He choked out, and Sehun struggled to hide the relief washing over him. 

“Okay? Good.” Sehun encouraged, grabbing the already opened bag of candies and handing it to him. While he was pleasantly surprised the leader had agreed to eat something, even something as small as a ginger candy, he didn't want to overwhelm him and opted for as normal of an interaction as he could muster. 

He watched as Junmyeon pulled a few of the wrapped candies from the bag. He placed all but one in his pocket, and unwrapped the remaining candy before quickly popping it into his mouth. 

Sehun took the bag as the leader handed it back, returning the snacks to his gym bag and zipping it closed. 

“Are you feeling good enough to head back to the dorm?” He asked, his hand returning to gently rest on Junmyeon's shoulder.

“I think so.”

“Good. We should go get you settled up there, then.”

“Okay.” The leader accepted, moving slowly to stand as Sehun moved to do so as well. 

Sehun moved about the room to shut and power everything down as quickly as he could, returning to offer Junmyeon support when he'd finished. 

They made their way out, only pausing to key in the code that would lock up the studio.

“Sehun?” The leader let out quietly after a slight pause as they headed in the direction of their dormitory. 

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” He said it so quietly the younger might not have heard him if he wasn't so close. 

“Any time.” Sehun regarded him with a small smile, reaching up to ruffle the leader's hair slightly before letting their walk fall back to silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit longer, slightly more development in this chapter!  
> We now know Sehun is bi or some other sort of queer (and that he thinks Junmyeon is gOrGeOuS, cuz duh) and Junmyeon is just falling apart. :(
> 
> Let me know if you have any feedback or constructive criticism!
> 
> Edit: I edited the bit where we find out Sehun's been attracted to Junmyeon, I felt it should be more focused on his health instead of how hot he is.


	4. Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here were are, I think I'm going to make every Friday the day I update for this story. 
> 
> This chapter was a tough one for me, which probably means it'll get some edits for readability in the near future. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy! Thank you again for all the kudos. :)
> 
> Suho <3 Sehun chapterly cuteness  
> 

Sehun near growled at the alarm that was barking obnoxiously at him. Junmyeon had requested he be up and ready at 10AM for their Christmas festivities, and while Sehun had agreed to this rather easily the day prior, he was now befuddled as to why. 

His face still planted stubbornly in his pillow, a groan escaped him as he stretched to pat blindly at the bedside table where his phone was meant to be. He rustled around in frustration until he found the offending device and silenced the alarm. 

Quickly realizing if he laid there any longer in silence he’d fall back asleep without much effort, he forced himself up and away from the warm mattress. He rubbed his eyes to remove their last traces of sleep before ungracefully swinging his legs off the side of the bed and sitting up. 

As expected, Junmyeon appeared to have already gotten ready and left the room, his bed being made and the slightest sounds of activity from outside their door as evidence. Sehun wondered if Junmyeon ever just slept in. Even on Christmas, a holiday the leader personally didn't really celebrate, he was up at the crack of dawn working. 

Granted, the nature of the work on this holiday was a bit more fun, Junmyeon usually organized some type of gift exchange along with the food, games and other activities. Everybody appreciated it as nobody could usually afford to take more than the national day off to travel back home and see their own families, typically reserving that vacation time for Lunar New Year, which left them all somewhat homesick when Christmas came around. Junmyeon's extensive work made an otherwise wasted holiday a fun one, but Sehun wasn't sure if anybody properly appreciated how much work he actually did, especially considering the leader never seemed to take time off himself. 

Sehun sighed as he pushed some of his unkempt hair from his face, knowing he was part of the problem. He, along with the others, got to lay back and enjoy the festivities while the leader hustled and bustled around them. At least Kyungsoo had taken over the food duties this year. 

His grumbling stomach quickly came to the forefront of his attention at the thought of food, and that seemed to be the motivation he needed to finally stand from his bed and get ready for the day. 

It didn't take long, he skipped his morning shower since they weren't going anywhere that day, and opted to simply wash his face, brush his teeth, and change into a clean pair of joggers and a t-shirt. As he headed to leave the room, the visual dichotomy of their two beds caused him to stop suddenly. 

Junmyeon made his bed neatly every morning, a very particular organization of blankets and pillows across the full-sized mattress, and Sehun now wondered if there was _something_ to it as he gazed at the mess he called his own bed. Unclear on whether his motivation came from a sudden interest to see what being tidy felt like, or a desire to better understand how Junmyeon's mind and schedule worked, he proceeded to make his own bed properly for the first time.

“Sehunnie, I said to be ready at te-” Junmyeon's voice came loudly after he swung their door open, stopping when he registered exactly what the younger was doing. Sehun was sure the leader felt he was witnessing nothing short of a miracle. 

“You.. you're making your bed?” Junmyeon asked, eyes wide in astonishment. 

“Yes, consider it your Christmas present.” Sehun joked, eyeing the leader briefly as he put his last pillow in an arbitrary place amongst the others. It was nothing compared to Junmyeon's bed, but Sehun had to admit he felt a slight sense of accomplishment at the end of it. 

“Wow.” The leader breathed, a smile quickly flooding his face as he crossed the small distance between them to wrap his arms around Sehun in a tight hug. “This is already looking like it'll be the best Christmas ever!” The leader squealed semi-sarcastically, releasing him quicker than Sehun would've liked before turning back to the doorway. 

“C'mon, let's go tell everybody about my present.” Junmyeon teased, motioning to Sehun to follow him into the common room where the majority had already gathered. Sehun couldn't help but smile as he did so. 

It looked like nearly everybody was there, save for Chanyeol and Zitao, neither of which surprised Sehun. The former typically worked on his own timeline and the latter.. Well, Sehun had noticed Zitao starting to disconnect from the rest of them after Kris had filed his lawsuit and left, and it only became worse after Lu Han did the same a few months afterwards. He would never say anything, but Sehun had a feeling Zitao was making to leave as well. 

Yixing was there, though, sat smiling and chatting with a similarly smiley Jongdae. Minseok sat a bit further down the couch from Jongdae, and was currently having his ears assaulted by one of Baekhyun's characteristically chaotic vocal trains of thought. 

Kyungsoo was working hard, slaving away in the kitchen while Jongin danced around him, seemingly eager to try and help. Sehun held in a laugh, even when the man wasn't explicitly trying to dance it found its way into his movements. 

“Food’s ready.” Kyungsoo's voice came at a volume no louder than the soft music and buzz of conversation filling the room. Sehun only heard him because he'd been paying attention.

“Food's ready!” Jongin repeated loudly, beaming at Kyungsoo when the cook gave him a silent word of thanks. 

Sehun made his way over to the kitchen to help transport the food from the counter to the center of their large round dining table. The alluring scents quickly filled his nose and prompted his stomach to let out another grumble. 

“Wah, Sehun, was that you?” Baekhyun asked with a laugh, trailing after him to grab another plate. 

Sehun just rolled his eyes in his direction, deciding to ignore him as he continued to help set the table. The faster they got this done the faster he could eat.

“Baekhyun, is Chanyeol eating with us?” Jongin's voice came, and Sehun glanced to see him counting chopsticks and spoons. 

“How would I know?” Baekhyun responded rhetorically, his tone conveying some level of frustration. He put the plate he was carrying down on the table before he shrugged and defeatedly added “I'll go try and rouse him again.” 

“Thank you! Just need to know how many placements we need.” Jongin told him as he walked off, and Baekhyun threw him a thumbs up without turning as he headed towards his and Chanyeol's shared room. 

“Don't worry about me.” Sehun overheard Junmyeon's faint voice addressing Jongin. “I ate already when I got up earlier this morning.” Junmyeon told him, and Jongin nodded casually, putting one set of chopsticks back into the drawer. 

Sehun couldn't help but stare at Junmyeon, immediately sensing that was likely a complete lie. _What would be his breaking point?_ He wondered. _What would it take for him to take care of himself?_

For Sehun's sister it had been seeing their parents sob when they found out she was so starved she was at extreme risk for death. It had been watching their family fall apart when they had her committed to inpatient hospital treatment where the doctors had ended up putting a tube in her stomach to feed her. 

Junmyeon was legally an adult unlike his then underaged sister, so the only person that could help him was himself. Sehun just hoped it wouldn't take something so life threatening for him to do so. 

Junmyeon for the most part avoided his gaze, seemingly realizing why the younger was blatantly staring at him rather quickly. Sehun watched as Junmyeon moved to work on the coffee, conveniently situated in the opposite direction of him. 

“Merry Christmas, assholes.” Came a familiar low voice, and Sehun turned to see a disheveled Chanyeol approaching with a hesitant Baekhyun trailing behind. It was odd to see the always perky Baekhyun so.. withheld. 

“Merry Christmas to you too!” Junmyeon responded in a bright cheery voice, prompting a dramatic eye roll from Chanyeol. 

“Sit down and stop being a dick.” Baekhyun told him, gesturing expressionless towards the table. 

Chanyeol rolled his eyes again and opened his mouth as if to say something more, but a stern look from Baekhyun seemed to nip that in the bud. He instead moved to sit down and the rest of the group followed quickly after. 

Jongin did a final circle around the table to distribute the utensils before sitting down, saving the space next to him for when Kyungsoo eventually joined them.

Sehun took a seat a distance away from Junmyeon. He would usually sit next to him, but he felt putting a bit of space between them and staying out of direct eyeshot may help relieve the slight tension that had developed.

Once everybody was properly seated, Minseok wasted zero time and quickly began eating, and the others eagerly followed suit. All save Junmyeon, of course. 

“So what’s on the schedule for the day, Junmyeonnie?” Baekhyun asked around a mouthful of food, earning a disgusted look from Jongin. 

“After breakfast we're going to do secret Santa, then I've got a few game options and I borrowed one of the company karaoke machines.”

“Karaoke!” Jongdae repeated excitedly, clapping his hands together.

“There's lots of good food thanks to our Kyungsoo along with the treats I got for all of you, and I have a few movies for us to choose from if we want to watch something. We can decide what to do as the day goes on.” Junmyeon finished and took another small sip of his coffee. 

“Everybody got their person a gift and put it by the tree yesterday, right?” Junmyeon questioned, and everybody's eyes widened as they nodded to confirm. 

The first year Junmyeon had organized this a few of them had forgotten, and the torrential downpour of anger and guilt from their leader was enough to ensure nobody made that mistake again. 

“Good.” Junmyeon smiled, eyes curving into half moons. Sehun gazed at him a bit longer before turning his attention back to the food in front of him. 

They ate for the remainder of the hour in peace, staying relatively quiet for some time as the food was too good to interrupt eating for conversation, but conversation quickly returned once they began to feel full. 

“That was so good, Kyungsoo-hyung.” Jongin let out, patting his stomach in appreciation. 

“Seriously good.” Baekhyun agreed, and Chanyeol laughed at the specks of food on his face.

“Can't believe our Junmyeon was able to resist all of it.” Minseok said, eyes slightly teasing. Sehun wasn't sure if anybody else noticed the red forming at the leader’s cheeks. 

“I accidentally did a bit too much snacking when I was getting everything ready this morning, I'm too full now but I'll definitely be having leftovers later.” Junmyeon lied, and it quickly registered for Sehun how much the leader must have been lying to them over the past year. He hadn't really thought of Junmyeon to be capable of such deceit. 

Before anybody could respond or possibly question him, Junmyeon added “Thank you so much for doing all this, Kyungsoo.” 

Everybody echoed the leader with their own forms of thanks, and Kyungsoo smiled and nodded. “Of course, of course. I'm glad you all enjoyed it, and thank you Jongin for helping.” He said, turning to offer him an appreciative smile, one of which he got back from Jongin two times over. 

“Okay, okay you cuties, I want to open presents.” Baekhyun interrupted. “I have a feeling one of you finally got me the Rolex I've been asking for all these years.” 

Jongdae giggled, quickly covering his mouth in an attempt to silence himself when Yixing nudged him. Maybe they should’ve stressed the “secret” part of secret santa a bit more. 

“Okay, okay. We should all clean up first, though.” Minseok suggested, and apart from Baekhyun’s temporary groaning they all quickly began helping to clear the table, get the used dishes to the sink and put the leftover food away. 

“Alright, who wants to go first?” Junmyeon asked when they were all situated across the two plush couches in the common space. 

“Me!” Baekhyun squealed, launching from his spot on the couch and crossing over to the small tree where the wrapped presents sat underneath. 

“Ooh, the wrapping paper is gold.” He observed, wiggling his eyebrows as if that meant something. He opened it rather quickly and grew increasingly excited when the paper gave way to a forest green box, signature to Rolex. “Did you guys seriously?” Baekhyun questioned, his jokey tone replaced with genuine disbelief, scanning the room to gauge who might have purchased the present. 

“I thought our limit was 50k won!” Chanyeol protested. 

“Just open it!” urged Jongdae.

Baekhyun nodded and slowly cracked the box open. The others couldn’t see from their position, but when he threw his head back in an instant fit of laughter it was clear it wasn’t what it had appeared to be. 

“Asshole!” He choked out around laughter, turning the open box around to reveal, not a Rolex, but a very obvious fake. “Who the hell bought me this?”

Yixing meekly raised his hand, as if worried Baekhyun might attack him in some way. “I got it from a Chinese market.. thought you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.” He mumbled, eliciting another hearty laugh from Baekhyun.

“Thank you, I think it’s beautiful.” He told him with a smile. “Could you help me put it on?” 

Yixing’s eyes widened. “You’re actually going to wear it?”

“Proudly.”

Yixing chuckled, but didn’t say anything more as he got up from his seat to help Baekhyun fasten the fake Rolex around his wrist. 

The watch firmly in place, Baekhyun giggled, lifting his wrist and modeling the watch for effect. “Just wait ‘till the tabloids get an eyeful of this.” Yixing laughed before taking his seat back next to Jongdae. 

The next few gifts passed by rather uneventfully. Jongdae received custom music sheets from Minseok, Yixing and Sehun both received video games from Kyungsoo and Jongin respectively, and Kyungsoo received an apron embroidered with his name from Baekhyun.

“I thought you’d look like a proper domestic goddess in it.” Baekhyun teased, and Kyungsoo rolled his eyes before thanking him.

“How about you go next, Chanyeol?” Junmyeon asked. 

Sehun sat up a bit more at the leader’s suggestion, hoping that his suddenly increased interest would go unnoticed. He’d been pretty happy when he’d received Chanyeol’s name for the secret santa about a month ago, finding it to be a great opportunity to get him a useful gift and take the piss out of him at the same time.

“Sure.” Chanyeol said, leaving his spot to grab his gift and quickly sit back down. He opened the gift rather messily and pulled the two books from the paper. 

“Ah, cool, a lyric book.” Chanyeol thought out loud as he looked over and opened the first book, flipping through the pages. Seemingly pleased with it, he picked it up and placed it beside him to look at the second book.

“Rapping for.. Dummies?” He read outloud in English, his expression becoming angry and ears growing pink when he seemed to register the gift’s implication. “Excuse me?”

“For our English king.” Sehun teased, and Chanyeol shot him a fierce glare, immediately understanding that the younger had purchased it for him.

“You’re a dick.” 

Sehun shrugged, still smiling. “It had good reviews, thought it could help you.”

That incited an audible chuckle from Junmyeon and a few others, making Sehun’s smile broader and Chanyeol’s frown deeper. 

“Whatever.”

“What, no thanks? I spent a lot on that lyric book.”

“Thanks, I guess.” Chanyeol muttered. “Can we move onto the next person now? This is taking forever.”

Now it was Junmyeon’s turn to roll his eyes. “I’ll go.”

Junmyeon opened his gift to find a giant purple scarf from Chanyeol, and as there was an uneven number of them, Junmyeon had taken on responsibility for both Minseok, who received a new football kit, and Jongin, who received a few books he had mentioned wanting to read. 

The leader smiled widely as the two said their thank yous in tandem, brushing Minseok off when he’d insisted Junmyeon had paid too much.

“Don’t worry, I’ll just take the extra out of your paycheck.” Junmyeon said, laughing more at his own joke than anybody else. Minseok humored him with a smile before putting the kit away in its bag for safe-keeping.

When they’d cleared the room of the leftover trash and wrappings, the group promptly dove into the games Junmyeon had gathered. Time passed relatively quickly at this point, and after a few hours of games had gone by, Jongdae was now singing an old Korean love song on the karaoke machine while Minseok and Junmyeon sang along lazily and swayed back and forth.

Sehun chuckled before getting up from the couch to make his way towards the kitchen. He had just started to feel hungry, and it seemed he wasn't the only one excited for leftovers when he found Baekhyun in the kitchen and Chanyeol seated at the dining table eating. 

Sehun quickly made himself a plate and took a seat to the side of Chanyeol. While the younger appreciated quiet, there was something about the way Chanyeol was quiet that made him uneasy. 

“You know that book was a joke, right? The real gift was the lyric book.” He asked. 

Chanyeol glanced at him for only a moment before waving him off and nodding. Sehun wasn't entirely convinced, but decided against pressing any further. 

Besides, something else quickly came into his field of vision that was much more worthy of his attention. 

Junmyeon had joined them at the table, and he had brought that box of mochi he had purchased over a week ago with him. At some point it had left their room and made its way into the freezer, but there it was now, being carefully opened by Junmyeon. 

He briefly suspected the leader might have simply brought them out to share with everybody, but that was quickly squashed when Junmyeon took a small plate for himself and began adding only a few of the treats to it.

Sehun had difficulty processing how he should behave in this moment. Here Junmyeon was, likely about to eat something in front of them for the first time in… months? The younger was typically quite passive, but after seeing just how much Junmyeon had been struggling over the recent weeks made that a very difficult attitude to upkeep.

He wanted to watch him, but didn't want the leader to feel like he was putting on a performance. 

He wanted to smile at him, but didn't want Junmyeon to feel like this wasn't normal behavior, eating on a holiday with friends.

He settled on remaining quiet, attempting to focus on his own food and simply sneak as many glances at Junmyeon as possible. While it certainly wasn't a performance, Sehun had a sense Junmyeon was doing this sat across from him for a reason. 

He looked.. happy. Not necessarily nervous like Sehun thought he might look after months of not publicly eating. Junmyeon momentarily stopped placing the mochi on his plate after there were three, seemingly debating on if he should take a fourth for himself or not. 

“Don't you think that's enough?” A voice came, instantly shattering the dreamlike fog around Sehun and pulling him back to reality. Of course something would ruin this moment. And of course that something was Chanyeol. 

“You've been looking a little..” Chanyeol paused to puff out and pinch his cheeks “chubby.”

Sehun wasn't entirely sure what came over him, but he was up in an instant, and at some point it seemed he had slammed his fists down on to the table as it had started to shake. 

“Chanyeol!” Sehun bellowed, moving quickly to stand over him. “Shut. up.” 

Sehun seethed, glaring intensely down at Chanyeol who was gazing back up at him in total shock. The jolly buzz about the room had been replaced with complete silence, and when that silence stretched on Sehun dared a glance past Chanyeol to find that everybody else had halted their respective activities to stare at him. 

He looked to Junmyeon next, and Sehun’s heart sank to his stomach when he found the leader looking at him with a mixture of shock and embarrassment on his face. He hadn’t considered Junmyeon’s reaction at all, only his own anger. 

Before he could begin to say anything else, the leader was standing and making his way towards their bedroom as fast as he possibly could without actually running. They all watched as Junmyeon closed the door behind him, then quickly returned their gazes to Sehun.

“I didn’t know you could be so loud.” Baekhyun breathed, eyes wide.

Sehun returned his own gaze to Chanyeol. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but figure it out, because I’m sick and tired of your shit.” He started. “And I swear, you don’t talk to Junmyeon like that again.. Or-”

“Or what?” Chanyeol interrupted, finally standing up to meet him. He was already taller than Sehun, but he still puffed out his upper body threateningly. “What will you do, maknae?”

Sehun glared. “That's not what I was trying to-”

“And if there's a problem why didn't Junmyeon say anything?”

“When does he ever say anything?!” Sehun questioned, his voice raising in volume once again. “He's constantly taking everybody's shit and not saying anything!” 

“You know what?” Sehun continued, not allowing Chanyeol additional time to formulate a rebuttal. “I'm going to go check on him.” 

Chanyeol scoffed but didn't attempt to say anything else as Sehun retreated to his and Junmyeon's room. 

\---

Junmyeon couldn't get the heat to leave his cheeks. After he'd closed the door securely behind him he headed to the bathroom, using the sink to splash some cool water on his face in an effort to calm down.

He felt entirely humiliated. Sehun always minded his own business, why in the hell couldn't he now? Junmyeon had worked hard to keep any and all of his food related behaviors private for quite some time now, and Sehun had just possibly ruined that by bringing everybody's attention to it. 

But at the same time, to see Sehun, Sehun who was usually so put together and reserved, come apart in anger at his defense made him feel quite… special. He didn't let himself focus in on that particular feeling for long, though, it felt too dangerous. 

Junmyeon hardly had the chance to take another breath before he heard their door open and close. 

“Junmyeon-hyung?” Sehun's now timid voice came.

Junmyeon emerged from their bathroom to look suspiciously at the younger. “What do you want?” 

“I wanted to see if you're okay.”

“Now you care? You've just embarrassed me in front of everybody but now you care?” 

“I wasn't thinking.” Sehun said and paused. “I'm sorry.”

Junmyeon himself paused, not having expected such a sudden apology. That in addition to the sincere look of guilt on his face successfully took some of the edge off Junmyeon's anger. It occasionally bothered him how forgiving he could be, feeling like it might be beneficial to hold onto a grudge for once, but he could empathize with Chanyeol's snarkiness causing such an outburst.

“I just don't understand why.” He said after a long moment had passed. “Why are you doing this?”

“I already told you. I'm worried about you.” 

“Well, stop it. I can mind after myself.”

Sehun just looked at him, seemingly not convinced. 

“I can. I'm still gonna eat that god-damned mochi.”

“Okay.” Sehun relented, offering a slight smile. “I just want you to take care of yourself... and I want Chanyeol to shut his stupid mouth.” 

Junmyeon finally let out a chuckle. “I understand, and I'm.. I really am trying.” Junmyeon told him, shifting his weight from one foot to the other nervously as he remembered the rest of the group sitting just outside their door. “How are they out there?”

“Last I saw, shocked that I'm physically capable of yelling.” Sehun's smile grew wider. “If it makes you feel any better, I think they're more focused on me than you.”

Junmyeon laughed again. “It does a bit, yeah.”

“You wanna go back out there or are you gonna wait a bit?”

“I'll go with you.” Junmyeon told him, holding his chin up. 

Sehun nodded, turning to lead the way out of their room. Junmyeon wasted zero time in following him through the doorway, quickly overtaking the younger as he made a beeline for their dining table. 

Ignoring any of the of the possible pairs of eyes on him, the leader approached the plate he had abandoned, and promptly popped one of the mochi into his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *last scene has been edited, content mostly the same.
> 
> I again apologize for making Chanyeol the meanie, he'll be explained and redeemed in my Chanyeol/Baekhyun story. 
> 
> I'm planning on beginning to release the Chan/Baek story halfway through posting this one, Kai/DO after that, then Xiumin/Chen after that. 
> 
> Depending on what you all say you want I can change the order or try to get them out sooner!


	5. The Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff's about to happen! 
> 
> Hope you're ready for more made up SM stuff, some OCs, and some drama.
> 
> CW: mild violence, gay slurs, ED stuffs  
>  

The banquet hall all done up for SM's famous end of the year party never failed to surprise Junmyeon. The large banquet hall that was usually so sterile, devoid of even the slightest trace of character, was always successfully transformed and brought to life with strategically placed lighting, furniture, and artwork. 

The tables and chairs were sleek, black and modern, with every table top adorned by a glittering silver centerpiece. An assortment of lighting and chandeliers were strung up overhead, casting sparkles across the wide expanse of the room. When Junmyeon peered more closely, he could see silver paint detailing going up the tall walls to meet in a fantastical display across the ceiling, capitalizing on and accentuating the sparkles from the lights. 

It was clear that this year they had gone with a silver and black color scheme, a color scheme that quickly made the silver striping on his now properly fitted suit make sense. SM liked to match their debuted groups with their decor, using slight variations across groups to distinguish them from each other. 

He could tell he wasn't the only one enthralled with the well decorated setting, many of the other guests were taking the first few minutes of their arrival to gaze around and take in the decor. Junmyeon's attention quickly shifted to those guests, who were themselves so well decorated they appeared to be in competition with the banquet hall. 

Junmyeon loved it. This was the sort of thing he lived for. So many different people from different lanes of life brought together to celebrate, and allowing for enthralling conversations and new connections in the meantime. More of those interesting people were slowly trickling their way into the hall now, no doubt held up by the paparazzi just outside, and Junmyeon remembered to be grateful neither he nor the rest of EXO had to deal with that tonight. The hall was one of many in the labyrinth of buildings that made up SM's headquarters, and while he often wasn’t fond of feeling like he lived on a commune, he had to admit it was nice to walk to the party through a private hallway compared to a hoard of paparazzi. 

This year the party took place on a Saturday nearly a half week before New Year’s eve, which was no doubt why so many people were able to attend. Junmyeon understood that this scheduling was mostly for attendance purposes, but he also liked the idea that it left more room for celebrating the year that had just passed as opposed to focusing on the one yet to come. 

“Hey, dreamy eyes.” Sehun’s voice came, his smirk obvious in his tone as he approached him. “You ready?” He asked, and Junmyeon immediately knew he was referring to the speech he was set to deliver in a few hours along with many of the other group leaders. 

“You bet, did another run through of the speech this morning.” He told him with a smile before returning the question. “Are you ready?”

“Uh.. am I supposed to be doing something specific tonight?” The younger looked at him nervously, eyes going back and forth as if trying to recall any forgotten responsibilities.

Junmyeon laughed. “No, no. I just want to make sure you’re ready to be on your best behavior tonight.”

“I’m always on my best behavior.” Sehun told him blankly, prompting the leader to narrow his eyes on him.

“Do you not remember what happened last year?” 

“Those trainees totally started it and you know that.”

Junmyeon sighed. “Yeah.. I do. You just always seem to attract trouble.” 

“Well, I can’t help that I’m attractive.” Sehun said and posed as if trying to convince him that he was, indeed, attractive. Junmyeon certainly didn’t need to be convinced, he had acknowledged that fact years ago.

“The suit looks good on you, by the way.” Sehun told him when Junmyeon didn’t say anything.

The leader could feel his face grow hot at the compliment, and he quickly diverted his eyes when he let out a “thanks” before changing the subject. “Is everybody here?” He asked, looking past Sehun to count the heads of his co-members. 

“I think so.” Sehun said, turning to follow his gaze. Junmyeon nodded, accounting for all nine including himself, they were unfortunately missing Zitao again as he’d gone home to visit family early.

“Okay, good.” Junmyeon moved to round the rest of them up so he could address them all together. “Is everybody ready?” He asked, and waited for everyone’s responses before moving on. He began by going over the schedule for the night, emphasizing that they were meant to stick more or less together for the pre-dinner mingling and photo-ops, through the dinner, and were only permitted to go off on their own following the speech ceremony. 

“When are we allowed to start drinking this year?” Minseok asked.

“Technically whenever, but I’d say to not start until dinner considering how rowdy you all get.”

“Spoilsport.” Baekhyun muttered, earning a chuckle from Chanyeol.

“You’re the worst of them.” Junmyeon told him, channeling the sternest warning look he could muster. 

Baekhyun just laughed. “I’m honored.”

“I don’t really care what you get up to after the dinner, just try to be presentable and where you’re supposed to be beforehand, okay?” He asked, his tone more pleading than he would have liked, but the responses of agreement he received allowed him to calm slightly. 

“Thank you.” He finished. “Now we can get this party staaarted.” He said, drawing out the last word and attempting a dance move that probably ended up looking more like a convulsion induced wiggle. He found the thought of that funny, and he repeated his new dance move in an attempt to get a laugh from his co-members. He didn’t get anything more than a smirk, prompting him to sigh in defeat before waving them off in dismissal, successfully breaking up the circle they had formed around him. 

“I thought it was kinda funny, hyung.” Jongdae told him, but the leader just scoffed.

“Then why didn’t you laugh?”

“I didn’t think it was _that_ funny.” 

“Okay, okay, off with you.” 

Jongdae giggled and sauntered off to join Yixing who wasn’t standing too far away from where the leader had found himself next to Sehun. Soon they were being ushered from place to place by several photographers, and they were forced to pose for such an extended period that Junmyeon was sure his cheeks would fall off from all the smiling. 

“Don’t go off too far.” Junmyeon reminded them when they finally reached a lull between photographers and interviews. “There are probably going to be more interviews soon.” He said and the majority gave him a silent nod of acknowledgement before returning to their separate conversations. Junmyeon himself decided to make use of the time by finding some new faces to start conversations with. 

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, or how many new people he’d met, before he began to hear raised voices. The tone unsettled him, and the few words he could make out did not sound pleasant. 

“I’m so sorry, you’ll have to excuse me a moment.” He told the group he had been chatting with before making his way over in the direction of the angry voices, he had a bad feeling in his gut that his co-members might be involved.

He was unfortunately right, and he waded through the crowd of guests to find none other than Sehun being berated by what looked like a group of slightly younger SM trainees. Junmyeon sighed. _Not again._

“Fucking say something.” The one in the middle near yelled, and Junmyeon quickly recognized him as Kim Jungsu, an 18-something year old trainee that he had met briefly on rotation. He sensed Jungsu was the leader of this trainee pack despite looking more like a scared uppity puppy. “What do you have to say for yourself?” Jungsu demanded.

“I already said it. Your girlfriend came onto me, I rejected her, and now you’re here.” Sehun told him, face completely devoid of emotion.

“That’s bullshit!” Jungsu shouted, causing Junmyeon to take a cautious step forward. “You made a pass at her!”

Junmyeon knew without having been there that that was probably untrue. Sehun had always been the introverted passive type, which resulted in more of a ‘come hither’ approach in dating as opposed to aggressively hitting on anyone, and it seemed to work quite well for him considering he consistently had so many beautiful women throwing themselves at his feet. Junmyeon didn't think he'd ever seen or heard Sehun even _attempt_ at flirting with anybody. 

“I did not. She came onto me and did not seem happy that I wasn't interested.”

“Shut up! She wouldn’t lie to me!”

Sehun folded his arms across his chest. “But she did.”

When the trainee made to move even closer to Sehun, Junmyeon decided to step in. 

“Hey, cut it out. This is not the time or place.” He scolded, holding an arm up to stop Jungsu in his tracks. 

“Shut up, fag.” The trainee spat. “Stay the fuck out of this.”

Junmyeon stiffened slightly at the slur, but quickly recuperated. “I’m serious. As much as I doubt that what you’re saying happened.. actually happened, it doesn’t matter right now. If you ever expect to move up from a trainee I wouldn’t attract such negative attention to yourself at one of SM’s biggest events of the year.”

“Yeah, maybe I won’t ever move up to debut, but at least I didn’t have to suck SM’s dick to even get considered.” Jungsu rebutted. “Quit defending your boyfriend, this isn’t any of your business.”

“First of all, if you’re going to mess with any of EXO’s members it is 100% my business, so you can fuck right off with that.” Junmyeon corrected, surprising even himself with the slip of a curse word as he glared steadily at the slightly taller boy. “And second.. you’re expecting me to believe that Sehun flirted with _your_ girlfriend, when he’s apparently _my_ boyfriend?”

Jungsu gaped at him, seemingly struggling to compute Junmyeon’s words. The trainee’s expression quickly became angry again when Sehun let out a hearty laugh, approaching Junmyeon to put an arm around his shoulder.

“You also seem a bit preoccupied with the idea of us being gay.” Sehun observed. “Maybe you wish I was your boyfriend? Is that where this anger is coming from- that your girlfriend tried to get at me first?”

Jungsu’s face flushed an angry red at the implication, which was only made worse by Junmyeon’s involuntary chuckle. The trainee seemed unable to manage a timely response as he wrestled with his embarrassment, and Junmyeon took the moment to observe his surroundings as he found he’d somewhat forgotten himself in the dispute. Thankfully, only a small group of inconsequential guests, along with the majority of his co-members were passively observing, seemingly having found it interesting enough to watch but not concerning enough to intervene.

“Fuck both of you.” Jungsu finally said. “And you-” he pointed at Sehun “you’re gonna get what’s coming to you for harassing my girl.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll wait for you in the parking lot after school.” Sehun responded with a roll of his eyes. 

Jungsu seethed for a moment more before turning on his heel to storm off, signaling for his trainee lackees to tag along. An air of uncertainty surrounded them briefly after they’d departed. As much as Junmyeon thought Jungsu was full of misplaced childlike anger, he wasn’t sure if they should dismiss him as a threat just yet.

“I’m assuming that you’re telling the truth about what happened?” Junmyeon questioned, turning to face the younger properly. 

“Of course. This trainee girl came up to me and was.. very obvious in her interest. I politely turned her down, and she got pissed.” Sehun started. “Before I knew it she was gone, and then those guys showed up. My guess is she lied to them to instigate something.”

“That would be my guess too.” Junmyeon nodded. “Well, just keep an eye out for him, alright? I don’t want him trying to attack you again.”

“If I see him I’ll come get you.” Sehun said and wrapped his other arm around Junmyeon to bring him into a hug. “My protector.” He teased with a quiet chuckle. 

“Ha-ha, funny. I’m serious.” The leader insisted, knocking one of Sehun’s arms off from where it hung across his chest. “He seems like a loose cannon.” 

“Yeah.” Sehun nodded in earnest, looking briefly in the direction the trainees had walked off in.

“You turned down the wrong girl, huh.” Junmyeon mused, trying to lighten the mood.

“Seriously.” He agreed before pausing. “..You do know I don’t just hook up with every girl who comes my way, right?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, I assumed. I feel like you’d be gone every night if you did.”

Sehun grinned at him. “You think I’m that hot?”

“Duh.” Junmyeon let out with a scoff, nervously brushing it off as if it was the stupidest question ever. “What did you not like about her?” 

“You mean like, why did I not return her interest?” Sehun clarified.

“Yeah, I mean, not that you have to be interested in anybody. I’m just curious what about her made you not interested.”

“Ah.” Sehun nodded with a slight smile, understanding. “I dunno, I mean she was obviously pretty, but I think I could tell right off the bat what kind of person she was.. She just seemed like the type who would try to cheat on her boyfriend, then run off and tell him I’d made a pass at her when she got rejected.”

“How do you even begin to sense those things about people?” Junmyeon asked, mystified.

Sehun was grinning again. “It’s a God-given talent.” 

Junmyeon rolled his eyes, realizing he was unlikely to get a proper answer from the younger anytime soon. 

“You know, as much as I love talking to you about you, Sehunnie, I’ve got some more networking to do.” The leader informed, moving to readjust his suit jacket before looking back up at the younger.

“Sure, sure. Good luck.” Sehun released him with a smile. “See you at dinner.” 

“I’ll see you then. Mind after yourself.” Junmyeon reminded once again, and waited for a nod of confirmation from Sehun before making his way back into the crowd.

There was just something about talking and smiling with new friendly faces, asking them about their stories and work that made Junmyeon’s heart feel full. He wasn’t a very adventurous person himself, but listening to others describe tales of their own adventures let him live vicariously through them. He enjoyed it, and when he’d discovered long ago that his hobby of getting to know new people helped him professionally by making connections, he did it all the more. It was how he’d gotten his position at SM, how he’d become a leader to one of the most famous boy groups in South Korea, how he’d accomplished most things in his life. 

“-I’ve actually just come back from New Zealand.” A man named Park Chungho told him. They’d been talking for a few minutes about the holiday season and Junmyeon had just asked if he planned on doing any traveling.

“Oh, New Zealand!” Junmyeon said with an excited smile, he’d heard of what a beautiful country it was. “Are you not terribly jetlagged?”

The older man chuckled. “Not too bad, they’re only a few hours ahead. Suppose I’ll probably get a bit tired earlier into the night, though.”

“I’ve always found it’s best to just struggle through it. Go to bed when you usually do and you won’t be as jetlagged tomorrow.” Junmyeon said with a nod. It felt like it should be common sense, but he was surprised by how often people simply gave into their exhaustion. “Were you there on vacation?” 

“I was actually there for filming.” He told him. “We’re shooting a new drama and we’ve been flying back and forth between SK and New Zealand to film. It’s a bit of a hassle but it’s a wonderful setting.” 

Junmyeon paused for a moment, finally registering where he’d heard the man’s name before. 

“Wait, you’re that Park Chungho?” He asked, his cheeks going red when he realized the impoliteness of his phrasing, but thankfully the man just laughed. 

“Yes, it would seem so.” He said with a smile. “Have you seen my work?”

“I have.. I loved _Unknown Sea_.” Junmyeon responded, recalling the film vividly as he mentioned it. “Even without actually showing the ocean, I really enjoyed how you captured that ocean feeling of.. vast emptiness in the relationships of the main character.”

The man gave him a knowing smile, prompting Junmyeon to continue. “But.. it did also leave me with the realization that things may not be as empty as they seem, as long as you’re brave enough to look below the surface.” He finished, a slight blush gracing his cheeks, he hoped he didn’t sound too cheesy.

“Quite astute!” The man smiled, clapping a hand on Junmyeon’s shoulder. “One of my lesser known films, I’m glad you enjoyed it so.”

“Well, thank you very much for making it.”

“Of course. Do you do any acting?” Park Chungho asked him, and Junmyeon felt his cheeks getting even redder.

“I haven’t done much professionally, but I’m very interested. I studied acting in school and it’s part of why SM hired me.”

“Ah, well here, take my card.” He told him before reaching into his vest pocket for his card holder, pulling one of his business cards out and passing it to him. “You contact me in the new year and we can discuss getting an audition together. I’m always looking for new film-inclined idols to work with.”

“Th-thank you!” He beamed, accepting the card enthusiastically with both hands and reading over it. “Let me give you one of my cards.” He added, pulling out his own card holder to put Park Chungho’s card away and retrieve one of his own. He frowned when he was unable to find one, quickly scowling at the realization that he had given away the last of them to the group of mid-level SM employees he had previously been chatting with. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry, sir, it looks like I don’t actually have any left.” He admitted in embarrassment, but the man just smiled. 

“Not to worry! I can remember a name like Kim Junmyeon.” He told him. “Besides, you have my card, and I mean it when I say to contact me. Don’t worry too much about politeness.”

Junmyeon smiled, grateful for the man’s kind nature. He hadn’t expected a director and screenwriter to be so informal. “Alright, thank you. I’ll definitely be contacting you then.”

“See that you do!” Park Chungho smiled again. “You’ll have to excuse me, young man, I need to find where my partner’s gone off to before the dinner starts. I presume I’ll be seeing you give a speech then?”

“Yes, I’ll be up there soon enough.” Junmyeon returned his smile. “I hope you have a wonderful rest of your night, sir.”

“The same to you.” And with that, Park Chungho disappeared off into the now massive crowd of guests. 

Junmyeon smiled, very pleased with their conversation, but embarrassed that he had run out of something as important as his business cards. He bit his lower lip as he contemplated whether or not he should return to the office to retrieve more of them, but he’d be breaking his own rule of not separating from the group before dinner. 

Deciding he’d rather deal with being teased by his co-members than be embarrassed again with other potential party guests, he opted to go after his business cards. 

“Jongdae.” He said, trying to get the man’s attention as he approached him. He felt he should let at least one of his co-members know where he’d gone off to, and Jongdae was the first one he saw. “I’m going to get more of my business cards, I’ll be back in ten.”

“Uh, sure.” Jongdae said with a smile, taking another sip of what looked like bubbling cider. “Do you want me to tell everybody else?”

“No, it’s fine, I just didn’t want to leave without saying something. I’ll be back as fast as I can!” He assured before taking off towards the exit that lead to the office buildings.

Junmyeon had only walked a short distance when he started to feel a sense of unease about him, like he wasn’t alone. He ignored the feeling, instead opting to pick up his pace slightly as he turned the corner towards the office where his business cards were stored. 

He didn’t make it much further down that hallway before something hard struck him from behind, causing him to topple to the floor. 

“We were hoping to corner your boyfriend, but then we saw you leaving and.. seemed like all too easy of an opportunity to pass up.”

It was Kim Jungsu’s voice. 

“What are you-” Junmyeon was cut off by a swift kick to the stomach, followed by a hand reaching into his hair to slam his head down onto the ground. 

Junmyeon didn’t remember much after that.

\---

Sehun tapped his foot anxiously. _Where the fuck is Junmyeon?_

They were all seated around the table reserved specifically for EXO, all except their leader, who was growing increasingly late by the minute. Late was simply not something that Junmyeon did. 

“Did you see Junmyeon-hyung?” He asked Jongin who was seated next to him.

“Not since your showdown with that trainee, no.” Jongin shrugged, turning his attention back to Kyungsoo.

Sehun withheld a sigh before standing to lean over the table. “Okay, has anybody seen Junmyeon?”

Most of them were shaking their heads in the negative, and Sehun groaned loudly. 

“What are you getting worked up for?” Chanyeol snapped. “Junmyeon’s an adult, he’ll find his way.”

Sehun took in a deep breath in an effort to calm himself. “Okay, let’s pause for a minute, this is Junmyeon we’re talking about here.” He began. “Do you think he’d be late for dinner at such an important event if something wasn’t horribly wrong?”

His co-members’ eyes widened as the question registered. 

“Um, he did actually tell me a while ago that he needed to go get more of his business cards.” Jongdae breathed, the worry obvious on his face. “Do you think something happened?” 

“I don’t know, but I’m going to go look for him.” Sehun said. “Thank you, Jongdae, hopefully he’s just rummaging around in the office.” He added, hoping the suggestion might ease the mood, regardless of how little he actually believed in it as a possibility. 

With that, he turned around and made his way through the crowded dining area to head towards the halls that lead to the SM offices. 

“We’ll help.” Kyungsoo’s voice came from behind him, and Sehun turned slightly as he walked to see Kyungsoo and Jongin catching up.

“Oh, thanks.” He said, feeling somewhat calmer with the two now accompanying him. 

They walked mostly in silence down the semi-lit hallways, calling out the leader’s name occasionally in the hope he might respond. Sehun got progressively more worried the further they got to the offices without a trace of Junmyeon. 

The various possibilities of what could have happened to him were running rampant through Sehun's head. The scenario he kept returning to was that Junmyeon's weakened body had given out and he was now laying somewhere, all alone, in dire need of medical attention. 

Sehun picked up his speed at the thought, walking a few meters ahead of Kyungsoo and Jongin as he made to turn the corner into the following hallway. He was about to call out the leader’s name once again, but was stopped dead in his tracks by the sight of a small crumpled body curled up on the floor outside their office. 

“Junmyeon!” Sehun yelped, making his way as fast as he could to crouch down next to the leader. “Junmyeon- Junmyeon! Are you okay?” He quavered, feeling immediately stupid at the question, he obviously wasn't okay- he looked like he’d been attacked. The leader was noticeably breathing, that much was an immense relief, but the traces of life in Junmyeon narrowed after that.

Sehun reached out to move some of the matted hair from the leader’s eyes in an attempt to get a better look at him. His face was absolutely covered in fresh bruises. The rest of him was mostly covered by his suit, but it looked like during the attack his clothes had been ripped at, missing buttons on his shirt and pants revealed his chest and lower abdomen were similarly covered in bruises. 

When Sehun pulled his hand back from the leader's hair, he breathed in raggedly at the sight of blood on his fingertips. It was almost too dark to see, but when he looked more closely it was clear that the leader's hairline was completely covered in the sticky warm liquid. 

With Sehun growing increasingly more desperate and the leader still not responding, he dared placing a few gentle fingers at Junmyeon's cheek, hoping the stimulus might rouse him. “Junmyeon, please let me know you’re there.” He pleaded, and he felt the slightest bit of relief when the leader groaned and shifted. 

Only then was he able to pull back enough in focus to realize Kyungsoo and Jongin were staring, seemingly in shock, at the sight before them. Sehun could feel his anxiety induced anger beginning to rise, but he knew getting panicky would be the least helpful course of action.

“Would one of you please call 119?” Sehun asked, hand still gently hovering beside Junmyeon’s face. “I’m going to try and move him to the couch in the office.” He told them, positioning himself in a way more conducive to lifting the leader when he was promptly interrupted by Jongin.

“Don’t move him.” He squeeked, eyes wide in alarm. “If-if he has any broken bones, moving him might cause a puncture wound. It’s happened to me before.”

Sehun nodded and let out a shaky breath, he never would have thought of that. Kyungsoo let them know he was calling 119, who after answering guided them through the process of caring for Junmyeon until the paramedics arrived. 

Sehun could feel hot tears prickling at his eyes as he began to truly process what had happened to Junmyeon. He had been completely alone and vulnerable, and while the leader came off so strong in most aspects of life, it appeared he hadn’t had a chance at defending himself against whomever had come at him. Sehun could feel his anger rising all the more at the thought of just who could’ve done this, but he tried to push that from his attention and instead focus solely on getting Junmyeon the help he needed. 

Soon the paramedics were flooding the halls, demanding Sehun take a reluctant step away from Junmyeon as they lifted him onto a stretcher. Sehun was hardly able to focus when Kyungsoo and Jongin informed him they were going to let the group and their manager know what was going on, but was able to mouth a quick thank you in their direction as he followed the paramedics outside towards the ambulance. 

“Will you be accompanying us to the hospital, sir?” One of the EMTs questioned after assisting in lifting Junmyeon into the back of the vehicle. 

Sehun nodded quickly, and the woman gave him a comforting smile. “You’ll have to sit up front with our driver, we’re putting the siren on so nobody but the paramedics are allowed with him in the back.” 

Sehun nodded again, moving to make his way towards the front of the vehicle as the EMT guided him. He was quickly distracted by a frantically waving Jongin running towards him.

“Sehun! Sehun! They said they want you to come back.” He told him, completely out of breath.

“They want me to what? Why?” Sehun questioned incredulously.

“They’re moving forward with the ceremony, they want all of us to give a speech together in place of Junmyeon.” Jongin told him, his pursed lips an indication that he himself wasn’t thrilled with the idea.

“Are you kidding me? They’re going on with the ceremony?” Sehun balked. “Wh- what are they planning on saying about Junmyeon?” 

“That he suddenly became ill.” Jongin said with an eye roll. “They want us to make a joke about him getting food poisoning.” 

Sehun’s anger was finally beginning to boil over. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Unfortunately, no.” 

“That's insane, they expect us to act like somebody didn't just beat the ever loving shit out of our leader? Somebody who is probably sitting in there having dinner right now?” He seethed. “You know what, I don't care what they want, I'm not going back in. I'm going to go to the hospital.” 

“Sehunssi.. they really wanted me to urge you to come back.”

Sehun sighed. “I don't care, you can say I got food poisoning too. Like hell am I going to let Junmyeon wake up terrified in the hospital all alone.”

Jongin nodded, understanding. “I'll let them know. The rest of us are planning on coming by after the party if we can, or tomorrow at the latest to see him.. if he's still there.” 

Sehun nodded, he had a sinking feeling he might just be. “Sure.” He breathed, and quickly added an “I have to go.” when the EMT gave him a signal that they were set to depart. 

“Take care of him, alright?” Jongin called out as he made to turn back to the banquet.

Sehun nodded in his direction, he'd make sure Junmyeon would make it through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. I promise he's going to get much better. 
> 
> If anybody has time to spare a poor woman a comment, this would make me very happy. D; We're getting into the meat of the story and it would be great to see what people think.
> 
> *Please let me know if the SK business card culture is wrong, I'm assuming it's similar to the Chinese way.
> 
> Next chapter will come next Friday!


	6. First Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today we have the first half of Suho's first day in the hospital. Not the whole day, it was getting to be too long for one chapter and it would be too much for me to edit in time before this weekend. I'm at a PhD interview!
> 
> Here's to hoping you enjoy this chapter and that I get accepted into this PhD program!

Sehun waited nervously in the lobby of the hospital, looking up every few seconds to check for a nurse with an update on Junmyeon’s condition. So far, none had come, but when he forced himself to think about time rationally, he doubted they’d have Junmyeon fully situated within the mere 37 and a half minutes that Sehun had been waiting.

He had heard from the EMT upon arrival that the leader woke up when they’d driven away from SM’s headquarters, and that a concussion was what had caused him to daze out, but apart from that he had no idea what the extent of Junmyeon’s injuries were. The nurses had informed him he could not be permitted to enter his hospital room or be privy to any medical information until Junmyeon himself okayed it. 

Sehun understood, of course, but it didn’t make this waiting game any easier. He was initially thankful he had his phone as a distractor, but after receiving a multitude of unimportant texts from their managers he opted to flip through the lobby magazines instead. 

He appreciated SM telling him that they’d be there to talk with Junmyeon tomorrow, but why they were wasting time in scolding Sehun for bailing on the event, he couldn’t quite bother to wrap his head around. 

Another hour passed, making it close to midnight, before a nurse finally came to speak with him.

“Oh Sehun?” She asked and he quickly nodded, standing to greet her. “He was awake long enough for us to confirm that you can stay with him, so if you’ll follow me this way.”

“Sure.” He breathed, falling in step with the woman as she walked towards the lobby desk, where he was made to confirm his identity and sign off on a few documents.

“How is he?” He asked as he put the pen down, unable to wait on the question any longer.

She gave him an empathetic smile. “I unfortunately can’t tell you much, you’ll have to see what he’s willing to discuss with you when he’s awake again, but as of now he’s in a safe condition.”

He swallowed and nodded, once again feeling that strange mix of understanding and frustration.

“If you’ll follow me.” She said with another smile, turning from him to lead down the hallway towards the elevators. “Since he is an idol we have him in a separate wing of the hospital where it is more private.” 

“That’s very considerate, thank you.” Sehun forced a smile of appreciation. Here he had been hoping Junmyeon would at least have his own hospital room, but an entire wing? “Is the wing dedicated to celebrities?” 

“You could say that.” The nurse said, turning her head slightly to regard him as they exited the elevator. “It’s essentially only used for high profile patients, so it ends up being empty quite often.”

“Which reminds me” She began to add. “There is a button to call for a nurse to the left of his bed, please ring if he needs anything. We’ve already informed him of its presence, but he’s in a bit of a daze.. It’s especially important given his location, there will always be at least one nurse present on the floor, but the rest are usually elsewhere tending to other patients. Again, please make sure to ring if he needs anything.”

“Of course.” Sehun agreed, nodding in her direction as she continued to lead him down a relatively deserted hallway. “What if we’re both asleep and he needs something?”

“We do have many health monitors attached to him, and our nurses will be in frequently to check, so there’s no need for you to be watching him at all times. The button is a way for you to communicate anything else, not necessarily health related, he might need to us.” She explained, and Sehun let out a hum of understanding as they continued down the hallway.

“Here we are.” She chirped as they reached his room. “Now, please try to be very quiet. I know you are aware of his concussion, and concussions are best treated with copious amounts of sleep, so this is very important.” She explained with eyes wide, observing his face steadily.

“I’ll be quiet.”

“Perfect. There is a reclining chair to the side of his bed that you can sit or sleep in if you do decide to stay the night. Since he has confirmed you as a guest, you are allowed to come and go as you please unless he revokes that privilege for whatever reason. It's really wonderful that you're here to keep him company, but do try to be courteous of his healing.”

“I will.” He swallowed, becoming slightly more anxious at the thought of seeing Junmyeon again. He wasn’t sure what to expect.

“Don’t be nervous.” The nurse told him, seemingly noticing his spike in anxiety. “I meant it when I said he’s in safe condition.. And I promise he’s not too much of a shock.” 

With that, she opened the door and guided him in quietly, but Sehun had difficulty following her lead when he got an eyeful of Junmyeon. _Not too much of a shock?_ The leader was completely washed out, his normally cream and pink colored skin was replaced with an unpleasant mix of translucent white, green and purple. The blood had thankfully been cleaned up, but tended cuts and glaring bruises remained in their stead. His eyes looked sunken, and wires were attached to seemingly every part of him. Sehun was certainly shocked to see him like this, but he supposed he should take comfort in her words, they likely meant it could be much worse.

He took a deep breath, forcing his eyes back to the nurse and moving quickly to the reclining chair she had mentioned. She pointed out the call button to him, quietly reminded him to ring if they needed anything, then promptly left the room.

He sighed, curling himself up on the chair as he positioned himself to face Junmyeon. The leader was breathing in and out steadily as he slept, his narrow chest rising and falling from within the confines of his hospital gown. 

Sehun hoped, really hoped, that Junmyeon’s condition wasn’t as bad as he feared. He also hoped that SM would be doing everything in their power to work with the police to find the people who did this to him. He had an idea as to who could have done it, those trainees were the only ones who made the slightest bit of sense, but he didn’t understand why they would go after Junmyeon instead of himself. Still, it was the only idea he had, he couldn’t think of a single other person having a problem with the leader.

Who even could think it was acceptable to do this sort of thing to him? Junmyeon was so.. so small right now. Did they actually think he could put up a fight? Or was their intention all along to corner him and beat him senseless? 

He breathed, trying to dial back the anger that was threatening to spill over again. Sehun understood that regardless of their intention, here Junmyeon was, black and blue and wired into a hospital bed. Junmyeon needed help far more than Sehun needed to find the people who’d done this and beat them black and blue. They’d get their own punishment in due, legal time.

Sehun pulled the thin felted blanket off from the back of the chair before pulling the lever to recline it as far back as it could possibly go. He was much too tall to position himself optimally across the unfolded chair, but he knew he’d still sleep better here with Junmyeon than he would in in his own bed by himself. 

Concentrating on the somehow calming rise and fall of Junmyeon’s chest, Sehun was eventually able to will himself to sleep. 

\---

Junmyeon cracked open his eyes only sightly, having detected the offensively bright fluorescent lights overhead through closed lids. He winced when the light met his exposed pupils, and closed and opened his eyes repeatedly to try and ease the adjustment process. 

He proceeded to raise an arm to rub at his eyelids, the sticky traces of sleep annoying him, but he quickly stopped when that movement was met with a stabbing pain in his ribs. He drew in a sharp breath, the pain still radiating out from his core even as he returned the arm to his side.

“Hyung, are you okay? How are you feeling?” He heard a familiar voice question, and when he forced his eyes open fully he registered that it was Sehun addressing him. The younger was presently curled up in the small recliner next to his bed, staring at him worriedly. His eyes were baggy, his hair a mess, and the tiniest blanket was stretched out across his too tall body. Junmyeon immediately felt guilty. _Did he sleep all night in that chair?_

“I don't know how I'm feeling.” He finally responded, turning his head to face Sehun more properly. He groaned when even that small movement caused another cascade of pain. “Sehun.. how- why are you here?”

The younger looked at him questioningly. “I um, you accepted me as a guest after you arrived last night. They confirmed my identity and everything.”

He contemplated that for a moment. “I don’t remember telling them anything about you, I just said yes when they asked if you could stay. Maybe they saw your name in my file.” Junmyeon thought out loud, closing his eyes and wrinkling his nose in another attempt to clear his eyes of sleep without using his hands. _Goddamn, even that hurt._

“Why would my name be in your file?” 

Junmyeon's face flushed at the question, quickly realizing what he'd said out loud, and he opened and closed his mouth a few times as he tried to come up with a response. 

In his hazy state, he wasn't sure if he simply couldn't think of an alternative or if he didn't care enough to try, but he opted for the truth. “I um, the last time SM asked me to update my medical insurance info, I put you down as an emergency contact.”

He didn't say anything more as he waited for some sort of response from the younger. 

“You.. but why?” Sehun started. “Why not your family?”

Junmyeon laughed at that, but was interrupted by a deep wince when the movement caused his ribs to ache excruciatingly. He wondered briefly if any of them were broken. 

Sehun was looking at him with such worry on his face that the leader forced himself to quickly recuperate, and he straightened out his expression despite the pain. “It's uh, it's even a stretch to list my mother as an emergency contact, which I did end up doing, but it’s a complete joke to put my dad. I just, I thought you would be a good idea. We live together, you're one of my best friends, and I mean.. you're here… Why are you here again?”

Sehun gave him another incredulous look. “Because I didn't want you to be alone like this.. and I didn't like the idea of going back to our room without you.”

“Wow, you really can't sleep alone, huh.” Junmyeon teased, trying to lighten the sombre mood between them. Sehun took a moment before he finally cracked a slight smile. Junmyeon didn't think he'd ever seen the younger so uptight, and he felt all the more guilty that it was at his expense.

“You really don't need to be here.” Junmyeon told him. “I can't imagine that chair is very comfortable.. don't feel like you need to suffer with me.”

“I.. I want to be here, I mean I want to be if it'd help you. I want to try and help you.” Sehun breathed out in a garbled mess. “Do you not want me here?”

Junmyeon paused for quite some time at the question, tears suddenly forming in his eyes as he felt his attempt at a strong resolve weakening. “I'm honestly so happy you're here.” He finally choked out. Between the pain and the memories of the night before coming back slowly but surely, it took a great deal of strength to not begin sobbing on the spot. 

“Well, I won’t be leaving then.” Sehun assured, inching closer to him to take Junmyeon’s hand with his own. The leader squeezed at the proffered hand in an attempt to keep the sobs from spilling over. 

“Thank you.” Junmyeon let out after he had mostly composed himself, looking steadily at Sehun. “I know you came looking for me, and I want you to know that I’m.. really grateful.” 

“Of course. I know you would’ve done the same for me.” Sehun told him with a nod, squeezing back at Junmyeon’s hand gently. 

When they’d fallen back into some sort of comfortable silence, Junmyeon took the time to process his surroundings. The space was larger than he thought a hospital room would be, but it was relatively empty, the only furniture being his bed, the recliner chair Sehun was curled up in to his left, and the small desk pushed up against the wall to the right where the doorway was. Large windows on the wall opposite his bed gave the room some natural light, and a standard flatscreen tv was mounted just above them. 

The windows unfortunately directly faced what looked like another wing of the hospital, making the room’s only apparent sign of life the house plant sitting on the floor in the corner. The small green plant made him feel slightly less pitiful. He liked that he would be sharing the room with something else that needed to be cared for, but that feeling quickly vanished when he looked closer and realized the plant was made of plastic.

Their quiet was soon interrupted by the sound of the door opening and closing. Junmyeon turned his attention to the noise, and recognized the doctor that had tended to him the night prior entering.

“Good morning, Mr. Kim.” She smiled at Junmyeon, then turned her attention to the man still holding his hand. “And you must be Oh Sehun?”

Sehun nodded, and Junmyeon released his hand from his grip. “Good morning, Dr.. I’m so sorry, I can’t remember your surname.” Junmyeon confessed, he would’ve pressed a hand to his forehead in embarrassment but quickly remembered how painful that would be.

“Not to worry, that’s perfectly understandable even without your concussion.” She smiled at him again. “My name is Dr. Kang Sunhee. I’ve come to check in with you on your condition.”

“Oh, okay.” Junmyeon swallowed, turning to look at Sehun for a moment before looking back at Dr. Kang. 

“I’ll be outside.” Sehun nodded to the both of them before standing from his spot on the chair and making his way across the room. Junmyeon would have protested his departure, but decided against it when he thought about just what the doctor might tell him. Sehun looked to give him a small smile before he walked past the doctor and out the door. 

Dr. Kang pulled a rolling stool from the desk by the wall and positioned it closer to him before taking a seat. Junmyeon watched as she flipped through the paperwork attached to her clipboard, becoming slightly more anxious as he waited for her to say something.

“So, I’ll start with the more obvious problems.” She began. “As you know, you have what seems to be a mild concussion, but we’re going to keep an eye on it. You also may have noticed at this point that you have three broken ribs.” She told him, then proceeded to delve into greater detail on the specific types of breaks he had sustained and on which ribs, and what the treatment for that would be. When he asked when he’d be able to do as much as lift a hand to his face without it hurting, she’d laughed and assured him it shouldn’t be too long if he rested properly.

“You also have a bruised kidney.” Dr. Kang continued. “That will heal similarly to the concussion, we’ll be monitoring it and you’ll need a great deal of rest.” She said, crossing her legs and flipping to a different page on her clipboard before looking back to his face. “This brings me to the bigger issue we confirmed after your tests results came back this morning- you appear to be severely malnourished.” She told him, face stern. 

He swallowed. “I- I do?”

“Yes. And I have to ask before we continue, are you currently in an unsafe environment?”

“I, I mean other than the attack last night, no.”

“Are you being refused food?”

“N-no, no. I have access to food.”

“Are you dealing with abuse of any sort?”

“No.” _Not from anybody but myself, I guess._

“Okay, I see.” Dr. Kang nodded, giving him a look of solemn understanding that Junmyeon found he absolutely loathed. 

“Well, your malnourishment has caused your test results to come back quite concerning. Your red blood cell count is low, which means you are anemic. Have you recently been experiencing symptoms of faintness, shortness of breath, headaches?”

Junmyeon nodded. He had simply thought it was a result of a lack of energy, It’d never crossed his mind that it could be damage to his _blood._

“Well, some mixture of that anemia and your injuries have left you with an irregular heart rate that we are having to monitor.” She told him, pointing to the heart rate monitor next to his bed for emphasis. “Your white blood cell count is also low, which means you’re very prone to any sort of infection.”

Just when Junmyeon thought she might be done, she flipped to another page and continued. 

“The x-ray showed that your bone density is lower than expected, which might be why your ribs broke so readily. You’re lucky that none of the breaks punctured any of your organs, we possibly wouldn’t be having this conversation right now if they had in your state.” She told him, resting her clipboard on her knees to focus on him.

“I don’t mean to speak so morbidly with you, but I really am hoping you’ll grasp the severity of your condition. You see, when the body is deprived of food, it starts to burn through its fat stores for energy.. but once there is no more fat left, it starts to eat away at muscle, which includes the muscles of your heart and other vital organs. Between that or an infection, it is probable that you would have ended up here soon enough even if the attack hadn’t happened.” 

Junmyeon focused and tried to muster up a response, any kind of response, but none came. He instead looked down at his hands and nodded his head, hoping that would convey his understanding.

“This brings me to what may be the hard part, we’re recommending you stay inpatient for at least the next three weeks, and we’re going to be putting you on a controlled diet.” 

_A controlled diet? Three weeks?!_ Suddenly his anxiety was going through the roof. 

“The controlled diet will consist of introducing small volume, but higher calorie foods in steady increments to get your body readjusted and encourage weight gain.” 

Junmyeon felt his face pale at the mention of weight gain, and he looked back to Dr. Kang’s face cautiously. “Okay.” He breathed, trying to will himself into being up for the challenge, but he felt his fear holding him back. She went on to explain more specifics of what the controlled diet would look like, even handed him a packet detailing his meal plans. The goal was to gradually adjust his body to eating normal volumes of food again, so they’d be starting off small and gradually increasing his intake. As such, she warned to not get too excited and overeat, as taking it too fast could trigger refeeding syndrome, something that apparently could be fatal.

“How do you feel about that?” She asked upon finishing.

“Nervous.” Junmyeon admitted.

She nodded. “I understand that you may not be interested, but we do have psychologists on staff that would be more than happy to speak with you.” She said, giving him a soft smile. “Whether it be about dealing with the attack, the dietary changes, anything.”

Junmyeon nodded, unsure if he was ready for anything like that. He wasn’t even able to parse out his feelings on his own, let alone attempt to explain them to a stranger. He also wasn’t sure of how beneficial it would be even if he could.

“I’ll think about it.” Junmyeon told her. 

“Glad to hear it.” Dr. Kang affirmed. “Let’s see, I’ve already told the nurses to bring your breakfast at 9:30. It’s currently 8:47, so you have some time, and I’ll let your friend know that he can come back in. Do you have any questions or concerns for me before I go?”

The only concern that came to mind was his not realizing this controlled diet would start _today_ , but he didn’t think that was something necessarily worth voicing. He shook his head in the negative, and Dr. Kang gave him another smile as she stood to prepare to leave.

“It was very nice to meet with you again, Mr. Kim. I’ll be back tomorrow to check in and see how you’re healing.” 

“Thank you very much, Doctor. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Junmyeon forced a smile, wishing he could wave like he usually would to acknowledge her departure.

With another pleasant smile, Dr. Kang opened and closed the door behind her. Junmyeon nervously picked up the packet that contained his food plan info and flipped through it. He had never been entirely knowledgeable on calorie content, his method had simply been to eat as minimally as possible, but he knew enough to understand that the eventual daily goal of 2,500 kcal was more than he’d likely eaten over the span of multiple days in recent months. He was starting with a lower calorie goal, and it did seem like it consisted mostly of smaller, calorie dense foods like nuts, but the thought of eating at all still made him anxious. He wasn't opposed to the idea of weight gain, he personally agreed he needed to, but a significant part of his anxiety came from a fear that once he started gaining it wouldn't stop. 

Junmyeon could feel himself beginning to hyperventilate, the threat of a panic attack looming overhead. He forced himself to take deep breaths, ignoring the pain in his ribs as he did so, and focused on why he needed to do this. He’d damaged his body enough, if he kept on this way his health would be so bad he wouldn’t be able to work in EXO anymore, and the sooner he did it properly the sooner he’d be out of this hospital room. _Shit. Three weeks in here? How am I going to survive three weeks here?_

He had plans to work on side projects, including promoting the musical he’d already filmed with SM, but he supposed he’d have to cancel his appearance dates. He had travel plans he’d also have to cancel, prospect meetings he’d have to cancel.. Junmyeon took another deep breath and decided to make a conscious effort to not contemplate all the ways these three weeks off would affect him, at least not when he was trying to quell his rising anxiety. 

Looking around him once again, he felt all the more grateful that Sehun was there with him, he didn’t like being alone in the cold sterile room. He knew he’d have get used to it sooner rather than later, he couldn’t presume that Sehun would be able to stay with him for an _entire three weeks._

Seemingly at the thought of him, Sehun opened and popped his head through the door, looking over at Junmyeon as if cautiously checking that he was in a decent state. Upon finding that he was, Sehun fully entered the room and crossed the space to retake his spot on the recliner chair. They sat for a moment in silence, and eventually Junmyeon braved making eye contact with the younger as he contemplated how much he was comfortable divulging to him. 

“The Doctor said..” He started, nervous but determined. “She said I probably would have ended up here soon enough even if the attack hadn’t happened.” 

“Why would she say that?” Sehun asked, seemingly surprised at the comment. 

Junmyeon picked nervously at the thin blankets across his lap before proceeding to share everything the doctor had told him. His injuries, his blood tests, bone density, everything. At some point the tears had started back up, and Sehun’s hand had found its way back into Junmyeon’s. 

“I have an irregular heartbeat.” He repeated, glancing worriedly at the heart rate monitor. “I just didn’t even think that it would do this kind of damage. I mean, obviously people die from starvation, so I was stupid to think it wouldn’t.”

“You’re not stupid.” Sehun interjected, looking so upset it made the knot in Junmyeon’s stomach tighten. 

“What are you talking about? I purposefully hardly ate for this long— me, myself. Nobody else forced me to do this.”

“It’s a disorder, Junmyeon.” Sehun insisted. “My sister had it too, and she’s not stupid either.” 

“Your sister?” Junmyeon’s jaw nearly dropped, it certainly helped him understand how Sehun was so strangely perceptive of his behavior. “You know about these disorders but you never said anything to me?”

“I didn’t want to accuse you of anything, hyung. I-I didn’t know what you were doing for so long, you’re so private, but then I saw you in that suit-” Sehun paused and Junmyeon flushed, recalling the unpleasant memory. “saw how much you’d wasted away.. I just didn't want to bring it up before you were ready to talk about it.”

Junmyeon nodded, somewhat unnerved but still understanding Sehun’s reasoning. “Can I ask what happened to your sister?” He wondered quietly.

“She got better.” Sehun said, offering a slight smile. “It was really hard. My parents forced her into inpatient when she was sixteen, she was a lot.. a lot further into it than you are. Her heart nearly failed and she still refused to eat.

“It took.. a while, but she recovered. She’s been recovered for eight years now.”

“How long did it take her to recover?” Junmyeon asked, mindlessly picking at his blankets again.

“She was inpatient for about four months, then continued outpatient treatment for another year or so.”

“Four months?” Junmyeon gaped. “They.. they want me to stay here for three weeks. At least.. and they’re putting me on a controlled diet. Do you think they would want to hold me for longer?”

“Maybe not.. as long as you really try.” Sehun told him, squeezing his hand again as if to emphasize that point. “I know you can do it, and I’ll be here for you to help. If you want.”

“Of course, I do. But it’s not like you can be here all the time.”

“Why can’t I be here all the time?” Sehun asked blankly.

“What? I mean.. I can’t expect you to be.” Junmyeon started. “I’m sure you have plans. And you can’t sleep on that chair again.”

“I don’t.” Sehun laughed. “I don’t have plans for work until after Lunar New Year, actually.. and, yeah, I guess I probably can’t be here every waking second of the day, and you probably wouldn’t want me to be either.. but I really don’t mind staying here with you. This chair isn’t that bad, I swear.”

“Are you sure?” Junmyeon narrowed his gaze on the younger. “I don’t want you pitying me, maknae.”

“Hey.” He pouted. “Yes, I’m sure. You were right, I really don’t like to sleep alone, it’s scary. And you know none of the other guys would let me sleep in their rooms.. so please do this favor for your maknae and let me stay.”

Junmyeon could easily see through the farse, but appreciated Sehun’s attempt at easing his guilt. “Okay, fine. But you let me know if you don’t want to anymore, I promise I’ll understand.”

“You got it.” Sehun smiled. “Oh, um, manager-hyung said that either he or somebody else from SM would be here around noon to talk to you about what happened last night.”

Junmyeon felt that knot return to his stomach.

“Do you remember what happened?” The younger asked quietly, placing his other hand on top of Junmyeon’s as he moved in somewhat closer. 

“Yeah, mostly.” Junmyeon breathed. “I mean, there’s not much to say other than who did it, right?” He knew that was a bit of an understatement, there was a lot more he could unpack about what happened than that, he just didn’t want to think about it. Not right now.

Sehun looked at him like he sensed that hesitance. “Do you know who did?”

“I- It was those trainees. Kim Jungsu and the rest of them.”

Junmyeon registered anger flash through Sehun’s eyes. “I thought it could be them, I just don’t understand why they would go after you and not me.”

“They told me.. at the beginning that they wanted to, but they saw me go off on my own and decided that was easier.”

Sehun’s bottom lip quivered, his angry expression quickly morphing into one of guilt, and Junmyeon realized he hadn’t thought about how the younger might interpret that information. “They- they went after you instead of me because.. because it was easier?” Sehun choked. 

Junmyeon tried to think of something to say as he carefully watched Sehun become visibly more and more upset, but he had trouble finding words. “What.. what are you thinking?” He finally asked.

“That it should’ve been me.” Sehun muttered.

“Don’t say that.” Junmyeon told him. “What happened happened.” 

“But they were pissed at me, I was the one caught up in the drama with that girl. If they were gonna try and kick anybody’s ass it should’ve been mine.”

“It really doesn’t matter, Sehun.” 

“Junmyeon..”

“Seriously, don’t think that way. They decided to do what they did on their own, it wasn’t either of our faults.”

Sehun groaned and plopped his forehead down on top of their hands in defeat. “Ugh, how are you still so sensible when you’ve got a concussion and freaking needles sticking out of your arms?” 

“God-given talent.” Junmyeon told him, throwing Sehun’s words from the night before back at him with a grin. Sehun rolled his eyes, but seemingly couldn’t resist a small grin himself.

“So what now?” Sehun asked after a long pause, leaning a bit further back in his chair after releasing Junmyeon’s hand from his grasp, much to the leader's disappointment. 

“Um, I’m supposed to be getting my breakfast soon.” Junmyeon started, feeling the nervousness creep back up at the thought of it. “The doctor said I should focus on sleeping as much as I can, so I guess I'll try to sleep after that. What are you going to do?”

“Good question.” Sehun let out idly, fiddling with his thumbs before picking up his phone. “I’ll spend the day here… oh, the guys texted saying they want to come by to visit this afternoon. Think you’ll be up for that?”

“I think so.” Junmyeon said and smiled, pleased to hear they were coming. “I’ll just try to sleep as much as I can before so I can deal with them all.” He laughed. “Though, I guess that’d mean leaving you on your own most of the day.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll find something to do.” Sehun assured. “I think I’ll ask the guys to bring my phone charger, books, other stuff.. let me know if you think of anything you’d want them to bring for you.”

“Sure.” Junmyeon nodded, and before he could say anything else nurses were coming through the door with his breakfast. They pulled up the bedside flip table for him and set the covered meal down, checked in on how he was feeling, and left as promptly as they’d arrived.

Junmyeon and Sehun stared at the covered tray for some time, and just when he felt like maybe he couldn’t do this, he rejected that feeling and took the cover off. It wasn’t as much or as scary as he thought it might be, it was a modest meal, a bowl of porridge and a smaller bowl of mixed nuts and dried fruits. There was also a smaller container of what looked like vitamins, along with some sort of juice to take them with. 

Not wanting to think too much about it, Junmyeon took a deep breath and started eating, ignoring the slight pain in his ribs as he did so. Sehun mostly distracted himself with his phone instead of watching him as he ate, which Junmyeon initially appreciated. Though, when he hit the halfway point in the meal and began to seriously struggle, he found himself looking over at the younger for.. something. Guidance? Inspiration? An out? He wasn't sure, but Sehun had just smiled at him, and suggested they play one of the trivia games on his phone together. “Maybe you just need a distraction.” He'd said.

They'd started the game, and at some point Sehun had taken a seat at the foot of his bed so Junmyeon didn’t have to turn away from his food to face him. He continued to eat as they played, and between the game’s challenging questions and Sehun making him laugh, eventually he reached out to grab another bite and found there was nothing left. 

He thought maybe he'd be upset that he'd effectively eaten mindlessly, like he really had lost control.. but he just felt relieved. He did have control, he'd decided to eat this, and however he finished it didn't really matter. 

“How do you feel?” Sehun asked, some hesitation in his voice 

“Honestly, okay.” Junmyeon responded, giving him a slight smile. “Just feel a little full and sluggish now.”

“Maybe you should sleep then.” Sehun suggested before repositioning himself to move off from the hospital bed and back to the chair. 

Junmyeon just nodded, unable to formulate a verbal response due to a funny fuzzy feeling swelling in his stomach. He watched as Sehun curled back up in the chair, and when the younger was situated enough to return his gaze and smile at Junmyeon, the fuzzy feeling got worse. _Maybe I'm just really full._

“I'll be right here, being quiet, if you need anything.” Sehun told him, and Junmyeon just nodded again.

“Thanks for the game.” He finally managed after a moment had passed. 

Sehun smiled at him again. “Of course.”

Junmyeon turned his attention to getting comfortable in the hospital bed, as comfortable as he could manage without rustling his core too much, and let his eyes slip closed when he’d found a decent position. He focused in on his breathing and that earlier groggy feeling, and soon fell back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So lots of medical stuff, if anything is glaringly unrealistic let me know. Typically with anorexia they will do some level of stomach tube refeeding, and I just didn't want to go there, too dark for me.
> 
> Any comments would be greatly appreciated, love hearing what you all think!


	7. First Evening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit late! These few weeks I have three back to back PhD interviews/school visits so things are a little hectic. Thankfully next week is the last one, and after that I just have to decide where to go. Woo!
> 
> Thank you all so much for the comments and kudos, hope you enjoy. :)

After nearly killing his phone’s battery life, Sehun realized he’d run out of things to distract himself with in the hospital room. Junmyeon had been soundly asleep for the past hour or so, and with SM not arriving until noon, he’d need to find something else to occupy his time until they’d finished speaking with the leader.

Sehun, as quietly as possible, lifted himself from the reclining chair and tiptoed across the room. He snuck a glance at Junmyeon as he reached the door, and smiled at the sight of him peacefully sleeping. Sehun wasn’t sure if it was a mind trick after witnessing Junmyeon eat his first full meal in months, but he felt like the leader’s color was already improving.

Deciding not to the dwell on the thought that it was unlikely one’s health could improve that quickly, Sehun opened and closed the door behind him gently. The feeling in the hallway was a drastic difference from the hospital room, like a ten degree temperature change. He wasn’t sure if it was the presence of natural light or the warmth Junmyeon brought to the room that caused the difference, but the hallway felt cold and dark in comparison. 

The space was also entirely deserted, which reminded Sehun of one too many zombie movies he’d seen in the past and prompted him to scurry over to the elevators. On his way there, he nearly started when he did encounter another living soul, a nurse sat at the round desk to the entrance of the hallway to the hospital rooms.

“Ah, Mr. Oh, is there anything I can do to help you?” She asked, looking up from her paperwork to regard him. 

“Yes, thank you.” He told her as he approached the desk, resting his hand atop the counter. “I’m looking for.. something to do.” He finished sheepily, feeling a little awkward that he was essentially requesting sources of entertainment at a hospital. 

She just smiled and put her pen down. “I’m assuming you can’t watch the television as Mr. Kim is asleep?” She asked and he nodded to confirm. “In that case, we don’t have much, but we do have a small library next to the children’s wing, it’s mostly kids books but you can find some adult novels there. There’s also, of course, the cafeteria if you’re hungry.”

He realized at her mention of the cafeteria that he’d completely skipped breakfast. He’d seemingly gotten so wrapped up in Junmyeon’s eating he’d forgotten to do so himself. “Where is that?” He asked. 

She responded with detailed directions for getting to the cafeteria, handing him a pamphlet with a map of the hospital as she did so. He opened it to look over the hospital blueprint while she explained it to him, finding it to be almost as confusing and massive as SM’s headquarters. 

“Do you have any other questions?” She asked as she finished, returning her hand to the pile of papers directly in front of her. 

“Not at the moment, no.” 

“Well, don’t hesitate to ask if you do.” She told him with a smile. “Also, we’re aware your managers will be in at noon. It’s soon before Mr. Kim’s lunch, so we’ll be waking him up when they arrive. Will you be returning before then?”

“No.. I'm assuming they want to meet with him alone.”

“I see.” She nodded. “Well, hopefully you'll return soon after they leave. We find patients who have dealt with attacks do better with good company.”

He smiled, pleased to find that they did seem to care about that sort of thing. “I'll be waiting out here. Maybe I could leave my number at the front desk just in case?”

“We do actually already have it.” She told him. “We have you listed to call if anything happens.”

 _Right, Junmyeon's emergency contact list_... “Does that mean you've contacted his mother then?”

“I can't disclose specific details, but you are listed after her.” She pursed her lips for a moment before adding. “The only reason we didn't call you was because you were already here.”

He nodded. _They did call her, where in the hell was she then?_ Sehun knew if it had been him his parents would be here.. seemed Junmyeon had been right to list somebody else. Hopefully she'd turn up. 

“Well, please call me if anything happens.” He gave a small smile before lifting the hospital map from the counter and looking it over again. “I won't be gone too long.”

“Sir?” She asked, stopping him as he made his way to leave. “Would you like a face mask? It is possible people will recognize you.” She gestured to her face for emphasis.

“Yes, thank you.” He said with a laugh, taking the mask from her and putting it on quickly. Seemed he was forgetting quite a lot this morning. 

Turning to leave once again, he opted to take the stairs instead of the elevator in an attempt at some level of exercise. 

It didn't take him as long as he thought it might to locate the cafeteria, and he was soon seated in a quiet corner with a sandwich and coffee. He scanned the room a few times before pulling the face mask down just enough to eat.

Taking a bite out of the corner of his sandwich, he wondered what these next few weeks would look like for them as he chewed. Not only was Junmyeon having to deal with the psychological and legal ramifications of having been attacked, he was also now having to deal with refeeding. After witnessing his sister’s recovery process, Sehun had a general understanding that dealing with refeeding alone was a massively taxing ordeal. While Junmyeon was one of the strongest people he knew, Sehun wasn't entirely confident in his ability to predict how he would handle having both thrown at him at once.

He pulled out his phone, unlocking it and scrolling through his contacts to find his sister's listing. _Seongmi-nuna._ He contemplated reaching out to her for advice, but between his low battery and not having the slightest clue on where to even begin, he decided against it for the time being.

He ate absentmindedly until his food was gone and quickly repositioned his mask despite the general lack of people in the cafeteria. The last thing they needed was paparazzi or crazed fans storming the place. He wasn’t entirely sure how they were going to manage traveling to and from the hospital without attracting some level of attention, but he assumed SM would deal with the logistics of that. As much as they didn’t necessarily care about the group members’ privacy, it seemed they likely didn’t want the bad publicity of an attack on EXO’s leader at a highly reputable SM event going public.

Deciding to buy a few different varieties of snacks before leaving the cafeteria, Sehun thanked the cashier quietly before making his way out. He pulled out the hospital map again and quickly reoriented himself to his present location before determining which way he needed to walk to reach the kids’ library. It was possible there’d be nothing that struck his interest in their collection, but he decided it was worth a shot until the guys were able to bring some of his own books in. 

After getting lost a few times going down the wrong hallways, he eventually made it to the small library. It was a cozy space, clearly designed to appeal to children with fun colors and posters decorating the walls. Three reasonably sized bookshelves flanked the left and right sides of the room, with a small sitting area towards the middle. 

Sehun smiled at the noises and giggles from the children currently occupying the sitting area, a few playing with toys while others flipped through picture books. None of them paid him any mind as he made his way further into the library, looking over the bookshelves for genre labeling. 

He quickly came across a section labeled teens & young adults which he decided was likely his best bet. Walking along the shelf, he crouched down to get a better look at what books and authors they carried. 

“Hi.” A soft squeaky voice came after he’d collected a few books.

Sehun looked up and instinctively smiled brightly at the young boy who was addressing him, realizing soon after that he wouldn’t be able to tell due to the face mask. “Hi.” He responded, hoping his smile was clear in his tone. “What’s your name?”

“Kim Youngjae.” He said meekly. “What’s yours?”

Sehun paused for a moment, unsure what to tell him. “You can call me samchon, okay?”

Youngjae nodded. “Are you sick?” He asked, eyes wide in concern as he gestured towards the face mask.

Sehun shook his head. “No, but my friend is staying here because he’s sick.”

“Oh, no.” The boy let out with a frown, pouting his lips. He didn't look more than five years old, but Sehun considered he might simply be small for his age. His pallid skin tone made his face look older. “Does your friend like to play with toys?” Youngjae asked, holding up his plush Doraemon as an example in case Sehun couldn’t recall what a toy was.

Sehun nodded. “I think he might, but he hurts a little bit too much right now to play.”

Youngjae’s frown deepened. “Is he going to be okay?” 

“Yeah, he will be.” Sehun told him, letting his smile crinkle his eyes. 

“That’s good.” The boy decided, giving Sehun a small smile in return. “Will you play with me then?” 

Sehun agreed and proceeded to pick up his stack of books to trail after the excited boy. He led him back to the center of the library where he had amassed an assortment of plushies, and Sehun did his best to help enact the various plushie battles and various other scenarios the boy requested. 

They were interrupted after some time by the buzz of Sehun’s phone, and upon seeing that the number was local but unlisted, he realized it was likely the nurse’s desk.

“Hey, Youngjae, I have to leave to go see my friend.” Sehun told the boy as he silenced his phone, handing him back the toy he’d been using. 

“Really?” He asked, pouting once again in a way that made Sehun’s heart sink. 

Sehun patted his head gently. “Yeah, sorry, bud.” 

“Will you come back here again?”

“I could. Are you in here a lot?”

“Yeah, I’ve been here for a while.” The boy told him, and Sehun wanted to ask him how much longer he was expected to stay, but felt that might not be the best question to ask a kid staying in a children’s hospital. 

“Well, I’ll definitely be back in here soon, I’m a really fast reader.” Sehun assured, picking up the small stack of books as he prepared to leave.

“You should give this to your friend.” He told Sehun, offering him the stuffed Doraemon he’d been holding earlier. “He’ll like it.. and he can bring it back to me when he’s feeling better.”

Sehun accepted the plushie and held it close to him. “Thank you, I’m sure he’ll like it a lot.” He smiled widely again before lifting himself from his seated position on the floor. 

The boy smiled and waved at him as he made his way to leave, hoping it wouldn’t be as much of a struggle to get back to Junmyeon as it had been to find the library. He pulled out the map once again and used it to direct his way back, thinking he should probably mark it so that’d it would be easier to use in the future.

He successfully found the elevator and boarded, nearly tripping over himself to exit when it reached Junmyeon’s floor. He passed the nurse at the desk with a smile and proceeded through the lobby area down the hallway, opening and closing the door to the leader’s room carefully. He wondered for a moment if he should have knocked, but when he looked over at Junmyeon he didn’t get a sense that he minded the unwarned entrance. 

“How long ago did manager-hyung leave?” Sehun asked, moving to place his books down by the recliner before taking a seat, swiveling the chair to face Junmyeon.

“Ten minutes ago, I think?” Junmyeon responded with a yawn, attempting to stretch his arms a bit but stopping when it seemingly got too painful. “What did you get up to?”

“Went and ate, then went to the kids’ library.” Sehun started. “Which reminds me, I have a gift for you.” He said as he leaned to place the small Doraemon plushie in Junmyeon’s lap. “A boy at the library thought you might like it, said you could give it back when you’re feeling better.”

Junmyeon’s cheeks went a bit pink as he smiled down at the plushie. “You were talking to little kids about me?”

“Just the one.” Sehun grinned. “No names and I was wearing a facemask... We just played for a bit and he gave me that for you when I told him I had to leave.”

“That’s really sweet.” Junmyeon smiled, turning the plushie around in his hands to look it over. “Could you put it on the side table for me?” 

Sehun nodded and did as Junmyeon asked, positioning the Doraemon plushie next to the alarm clock. A silent moment passed between them as Sehun settled back into his chair, picking up one of his books in case Junmyeon didn’t want to discuss what had happened with SM.

Just as he did so, Junmyeon spoke. “SM wasn't here for very long.. They asked me some questions about the attack, and told me they were going to look over the security footage and figure out what might be the best course of action for me.”

“They haven’t gone to the police?”

“Doesn’t sound like it.” Junmyeon pursed his lips. “They were mostly curious about my healing timeline. They let me know the new album and tour have to go forward as scheduled in March, so it’s ‘fortunate’ I’ll be better by then. I explained to them the doctor said 6-8 weeks after broken ribs is standard when you’re returning to a regular workplace, one where you’re not dancing and traveling, but I think they ignored me.”

“Asses.” 

Junmyeon laughed. “They said they’d be back within the week to talk about what to do about the attack.. I’m assuming then is when we’ll discuss a police report. At least, I hope it is.”

Sehun nodded, deciding against voicing more negative opinions on how SM liked to handle things like this. They’d never been great with medical or publicity issues, shouldn’t have expected this to be any different.. Even when this time Junmyeon could’ve actually died. 

The subject changed when Junmyeon’s lunch arrived precisely at 1PM, a meal similar in size to what he’d had for breakfast. Sehun had been surprised to see how well Junmyeon had handled eating earlier, but he knew from experience that this process could be a bit of a roller coaster. Though, Junmyeon seemed to handle his lunch similarly well. As his phone was nearly out of battery, Sehun offered to read to him as a distraction when he once again hit that midway bump in the road. The leader had nodded, seemingly perplexed at the offer to be read to, but not opposed to it. 

It seemed to work, Junmyeon eventually finished and pushed the over-bed table to the side to free up the space in front of him. 

“How are you feeling?” Sehun asked. 

“Tired.. and full.” Junmyeon let out with a chuckle. “I only woke up an hour ago, but I just feel so tired. Bit of a headache too.” 

“You think you’re still okay with the guys coming down? They’re bringing our stuff but I could just kick them out after.” Sehun told him blankly.

Junmyeon laughed again. “No, don’t do that. I’ll be fine, I think I’ll go back to sleep, though. Could you wake me when they get here?”

“Sure.” Sehun agreed, picking his book back up and flipping it open to start reading. Within minutes he could hear the faint sounds of Junmyeon’s snores, and he smiled at the relief that at least the leader wasn’t having any problems falling asleep. 

The hours passed relatively quickly. The young adult novel he’d picked up at the library was more entertaining than he’d suspected, it told a compelling story of a young girl who’d stumbled upon a parallel magical universe. He was nearly to the end of it, she was about to slay the giant one-eyed creature, when he heard the sounds of familiar shouting coming from the hallway.

He groaned, realizing he probably wouldn’t have to wake up Junmyeon himself at all considering how loud his co-members’ arrival was. He was right, when he looked over he found the leader’s eyelids were already fluttering open, but Sehun decided to accelerate the process by reaching to place a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“Junmyeon-hyung.” He moved his hand across Junmyeon's shoulder to his arm instead of shaking it, wary that the movement might hurt him. “The guys are here.”

Junmyeon mumbled and opened his eyes fully, looking to Sehun like he was annoyed he’d only been able to sleep five minutes when it had actually been three hours. “Already?”

He laughed. “Yeah. Hope you’re ready.”

“I’ll do my best.” Junmyeon attempted a smile before faltering. “Um.. Sehun?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you.. could you not mention my diet to them?”

“Of course.” Sehun nodded and offered an understanding smile. He hadn’t thought to mention it, but he understood why Junmyeon would be worried he might. “I’ll go get them then?”

Junmyeon nodded, and Sehun stood up from his spot to make his way towards the door. He opened it and stepped out to find them speaking animatedly with the nurse at the front desk. Sehun chuckled at the sight, she looked equally overwhelmed and enamored with the group of them. 

“Sehun!” Jongdae shouted when he noticed him in the hallway, making his way past the desk to head towards him. The rest of the group followed. “How is he?”

“Ask him yourself.” Sehun prompted, gesturing to the open hospital room door. They followed his direction, filing into the room and greeting the leader.

“Gentle!” Junmyeon squeaked when Jongdae attempted to hug him. “I have three broken ribs.” He explained when Jongdae and a few others froze in their tracks. 

“Wh- three?” Chanyeol grimaced. “What in the hell did those fuckers do to you?” 

“Hey.” Baekhyun shushed. “Maybe he doesn’t want to relive that right now.. How are you feeling?”

Junmyeon smiled and proceeded to discuss his current state, certain details withheld, along with a general summary of how things were looking with respect to his stay in the hospital, dealing with SM and the attack. After the discussion had naturally moved on from Junmyeon's health to other matters, Minseok pulled Sehun away from the group to the side for a moment to talk.

“I brought everything you asked for.. even the underwear.” Minseok told him with a mock look of disgust, handing him a large duffle bag. “If you need anything else you can let me know and I’ll bring it over when I can.”

“Thanks, hyung. I really appreciate it.” Sehun said as he accepted the bag, placing it down on the desk next to them. 

“So you’re really going to stay here for the whole three weeks in that chair?” Minseok asked, arms crossed over his chest.

“The chair really isn’t that bad!” Sehun protested. “I slept fine on it last night, I mean.. but yeah, I’ll be here with him unless he kicks me out.”

“That’s really good of you.. just remember to take care of yourself, alright? Don’t get yourself put in the hospital too.”

“I..” Sehun started. “I mean, I think I’ll be fine. You think that could be a problem?”

“Caring for people is.. difficult.. and I could easily see you going overboard for Junmyeon. You’ve always been a bit touchy when it comes to him.” Minseok explained, offering a small smile that helped to somewhat lighten the heaviness in Sehun’s stomach. “If you ever need help any of us could step in, any time. Just want you to remember that.”

Sehun nodded, glancing over at Junmyeon briefly. “Thanks, hyung.. I’ll keep that in mind.” 

Minseok smiled, and guided them back to rejoin the group. Junmyeon was explaining in depth how a concussion worked, and that no, he hadn't forgotten his entire childhood nor did he now have super powers. 

He was visibly happy, which was a relief to Sehun, but it seemed the leader had become so distracted that he was forgetting to handle himself carefully. His worry was confirmed when Junmyeon rotated his torso suddenly and let out a whimper, nearly buckling in on himself. 

The leader’s obvious pain caused a universally distressed response in the group, with a few freezing and a few attempting a call to action.

“We’ll go get the nurse!” Chanyeol yelped, grabbing Baekhyun hurriedly and pulling him out to the hallway. Sehun watched as they departed, sure the nurses would have seen it if the sudden pain caused a lapse in any of his monitoring devices, but thought it might be wise to press the nurse call button in addition. Junmyeon still didn’t seem to be recuperating from the pain. 

A nurse was there very quickly, tending to Junmyeon and checking him for any concerning changes. “I think you might need an additional dose of painkillers, but other than that, it’s still best to try and rest your torso.”

Junmyeon nodded, a wince still pulling down the corners of his lips. She moved from her place in front of him to the various drips overhead, administering what Sehun could only guess was the painkiller she had mentioned. The thought of the needles making him somewhat queasy, he decided to take the moment to peer out through the door to look for Chanyeol and Baekhyun, both of whom had seemingly not followed the nurse in. 

He walked into the hallway, looking in either direction until he spotted them. They were still standing next to the nurse’s desk, but Chanyeol had his arms wrapped tightly around Baekhyun, seemingly crying into the shorter man’s shoulder. Baekhyun was holding him, cooing at him reassuringly as Chanyeol sobbed. 

They hadn’t noticed Sehun, and after the initial wave of shock passed he opted to retreat quietly back into the room. He hadn’t expected Chanyeol to have such a strong reaction to this.. to anything, really.. and regardless of it being pure concern over Junmyeon or the situation bringing up other fears for Chanyeol, he wasn’t sure if he’d be pleased to know he had an unexpected audience.

Sehun reentered the room to find Junmyeon finally seemed to be recuperating, the nurse had mentioned he might feel a little stoned immediately following the dosage, and he certainly looked a little loopy. She finished up by checking in with him one final time, then proceeded to walk past Sehun and out into the hallway. 

His thoughts briefly went to the scene she was about to walk straight into, but were quickly diverted when Junmyeon started giggling at him. Sehun looked at him questioningly, but Junmyeon just giggled more.

“You look silly.. like that.” The leader managed out around giggles. “So serious.. Maknae is serious.” He giggled more.

“I always thought he looked cute when he’s deep in thought.” Jongin commented, obviously amused by and encouraging Junmyeon’s giggle fest. 

“Right? So cute.. and silly!” Junmyeon giggled again, and Sehun let out a breath as his cheeks reddened. _He’s definitely stoned._

Minseok rolled his eyes exaggeratedly before looking around the room, stopping when he noticed the television. “Do you all want to watch something? There’s supposed to be some new stuff premiering tonight.”

“Ooh, yes!” Jongdae let out excitedly. “I think we might need more chairs, though. Do you know where we could get some?” He asked, looking between Sehun and Junmyeon.

“Maybe ask the nurse?” Sehun suggested. “She should be back at the desk outside now.” 

“Will do!” Jongdae chirped, heading out quickly. 

Eventually they had gathered enough chairs for everybody, and after about ten minutes of trying to figure out how the television worked, they had it on and running the reality show’s new episode. Chanyeol and Baekhyun made their way back in after some time, and apart from the slight redness around Chanyeol’s eyes, there wasn’t much different about their behavior. 

The evening progressed into a series of watching television interspersed with a few different games the guys had brought. A few took some mental brainstorming to determine how Junmyeon could play with limited mobility, but they figured them out to some reasonable level of compromise. 

When Junmyeon’s dinner had arrived, Sehun became somewhat nervous that it would spark questions from the other members, but he quickly realized the nurses would be bringing him food regardless due to his injuries. Junmyeon looked at him a few times in the moment, and Sehun offered a slight nod of encouragement, hoping that the chaos that was their co-members would serve as enough of a distraction for him this time. It seemed to, and the food was gone by the time Sehun thought to look for it again.

A couple more hours passed, and only when Junmyeon became increasingly tired did the activity begin to lull. The group had separated into smaller conversations and games, with Chanyeol and Baekhyun speaking quietly to one another, and Yixing, Jongdae, Kyungsoo and Jongin still playing the drawing game they’d started earlier. Minseok and Sehun were sat on either side of Junmyeon’s bed, using his lap as a tabletop for their card game as the three of them played together.

“Sehun.” Junmyeon finally let out. “I think I’m gonna pass out.” He smiled lightly, seemingly realizing that phrasing could be taken in a much darker way given their setting. “I mean, I need to sleep.”

“I’ll kick everybody out.” Sehun grinned right back, standing promptly from his place. 

There were a few groans when he let everybody know it was time to turn in, their leader needed some rest, but they all nodded and began packing up their things. It was soon just the two of them again, and Sehun settled himself into his chair after ensuring Junmyeon had everything he needed.

“How are you?” He asked as he curled into a position to face the leader. 

“Really good, just really tired.” Junmyeon told him, the droopiness of his eyelids emphasizing the sentiment.

“Well, off to sleep with you, then.” Sehun waved at him and Junmyeon laughed, seemingly needing no further permission as he closed his eyes and settled in.

Sehun attempted to do the same, and though it took him significantly longer than it had taken Junmyeon, he was also eventually able to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really hard for me to write for some reason? Maybe from being busy or it not being the most eventful chapter ever? Not sure. I'll probably edit it to make it better/easier to read over the next week or so, but please let me know if you see anything bad that sticks out. 
> 
> Comments are always greatly appreciated, I am really enjoying the feedback!


	8. First Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus mini chapter! I'll still be uploading a full one this upcoming Friday. 
> 
> CW: minor violence

_Sehun was frozen in spot, completely unable to move despite his determined struggling. Some invisible force was holding him down, and it seemed his movements were too weak or slow to fight it off._

_In addition to being unable to move, there was an unshakeable feeling of despair tugging at the air around him, and he forced himself to focus his gaze on his surroundings to determine its origin. He could detect Junmyeon, an observation that initially relaxed him, but when his blurred vision finally cleared he was immediately on edge once again._

_Junmyeon was laying sprawled out in front of him, obviously injured, with blood smeared across his face and clothes. He was groaning in pain, and Sehun attempted to move to get closer to him, help him, protect him from whatever had done this.. Something told him whatever had was still close by._

_Sehun snarled loudly when he was still unable to move despite his most desperate efforts, and he registered that Junmyeon seemingly couldn’t hear him, the leader exhibited no signs of even knowing he was there. He felt a new wave of determination sweep over him when dark figures entered his frame of vision, surrounding Junmyeon as Sehun struggled._

_He began to scream and yell involuntarily when the dark figures resumed their attack on the leader, and he struggled to the point of exhaustion to try and reach him. Junmyeon was whimpering and grunting whenever another blow befell him, and Sehun felt he might be sick at the sight. He ignored his nausea to continue pressing forward, shouting when something gave way and he fell forward into blackness._

~

Sehun woke with a start to find he was nearly hanging off the recliner chair. He panted as he attempted to even out his breathing, letting out a quiet groan when he realized his clothes were sticking to him uncomfortably because he was covered in sweat. He instinctively peeled off his shirt and felt momentary relief when the cool air met his skin.

Situating himself back into the chair, he looked over quickly to ensure he hadn’t woken Junmyeon with his nightmare. Finding that he thankfully hadn’t, he closed his eyes and tried to relax. It had been a long time since he’d had a dream that.. awful. They were a frequent part of his childhood, but after he’d hit puberty it was rare that he’d dreamt at all. 

He could identify why he might’ve had one after all this time, the attack had a significant emotional impact on him that he was actively ignoring for Junmyeon’s sake, but that realization didn’t make dealing with it any easier. He had already unwillingly imagined how the attack might have gone down over and over in his head since it happened, but to actually see it? To see Junmyeon hurt while he could only stand there and watch?

Inhaling deeply, he looked over to Junmyeon again in an attempt to reassure himself that he was, in fact, safe. The leader was soundly asleep, scars and bruises still fresh, but tended to and cared for. He felt a bit more relief wash over him, and he smiled slightly when Junmyeon let out a quiet snore.

Sehun felt his stomach drop when that wash of relief was directly followed by a.. different type of feeling. He had long prided himself on his discipline in getting over the crush he’d developed on Junmyeon all those years ago, and while for the most part it had worked, Sehun would be lying if he said those feelings never crept back up and needed to be pushed back down again. He could feel this was likely another one of those moments, and he groaned. 

He knew, once again, that he couldn’t focus on it. Junmyeon needed a friend right now more than ever, and Sehun comforted himself with the thought that these feelings were likely just a result from the highly stressful situation they’d found themselves in. Once Junmyeon was better and back to being his happy healthy self, things would return to the way they were. These feelings would go away.

Sehun sighed, repositioning himself when he noticed his still damp back had stuck to the leather of the recliner. Despite the sinking feeling that he was unable to control his feelings at such an important time, he refused to pity himself, opting to channel any and all of his meditative knowledge to clear his mind and resume sleeping. 

Regardless of his best efforts at relaxation he laid awake for what felt like hours, fear of those feelings and potential further nightmares keeping him awake. Eventually, though, the exhaustion took him once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and feedback very much appreciated. :)


	9. Sentiment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is a day late. It was my last PhD visit and it was the busiest (because I'm definitely going to pick this school) so I wasn't able to post yesterday. 
> 
> Here we are, though. Hope you enjoy!

The days leading up to New Year’s Eve passed slowly but relatively easily for Junmyeon. He still wasn’t able to move much apart from his required physical therapy due to the pain, but Sehun helped significantly in keeping him company and making the time pass. 

They’d both requested a chunk of their personal book collections be brought to them from the dorm, which Minseok had delivered on, along with several varieties of games that they could play. They also discovered the in room television came with an extensive list of streaming apps, which they’d used to start a new drama series.

By the second day they had already fallen into a routine. At each of Junmyeon’s meals, Sehun would join him at the foot of his bed with his own food, and they’d eat together while they played some sort of game or just.. talked. The younger helped in distracting Junmyeon from his food-centered anxiety, and while it had occasionally gotten difficult for him, so far he’d been able to power through it. Between meals, Junmyeon mostly slept, but when he wasn’t asleep they would either watch the new drama series or read their own books together. 

After those first four days he’d been in hospital, New Year’s Eve had arrived. His previous working plans for a party had obviously fallen through, but Junmyeon was happily surprised by his co-members all coming to visit him that night for more impromptu hospital room festivities. He felt honored that they’d all sacrificed whatever other plans they might have had, gatherings with close ones or high-end celebrity parties, to spend the evening with him. When they’d all crammed into the room one by one, he’d momentarily been so overcome with emotion (which he blamed on the various drugs he was taking) that he’d had to take several deep, focused breaths to keep from crying.

He’d become near impossibly tired around 10PM, prompting them all to wrap up their respective games and activities to depart. He’d never gone to sleep before midnight on a NYE before, even though it was significantly past his usual bedtime, he enjoyed the novelty of ending the year and welcoming the new one immediately after. The fact that it was looking like he’d be too tired to stay up for another two hours to keep up that tradition disappointed him.

“Are you going to go to sleep too?” He’d asked Sehun when the others had left. 

“No, too awake. Thought I’d read for a while.”

“How long is a while?”

“Not sure.” Sehun looked at him speculatively before smiling, seemingly understanding where this line of questioning was going. “Do you want me to wake you up before midnight?” 

“Yes, please.. If you’re not too tired, of course.” He’d said, not wanting to presume the younger was planning to stay up that much longer.

“I’ll wake you up a few minutes before.” Sehun’d dismissed him with a smile, and Junmyeon nodded before quickly falling asleep.

When those few minutes before came, Junmyeon felt the gentle prodding of Sehun’s hand on his shoulder. He didn’t initially respond, and he felt Sehun’s hand trail up to his face and press lightly against his cheek. Junmyeon had instinctively leaned into the touch, but just as soon as he had it was gone, returning to its original spot on his shoulder.

It took him another few seconds before he opened his eyes, giving Sehun a quiet thanks for waking him. The younger responded with a smile before sitting by him on the bed, a slight pinkness distinguishable on his cheeks. He turned away from the leader as he used his phone to set up a countdown to midnight before placing it on the side table. 

“Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?” Junmyeon asked, moving slightly to prop himself up to both better regard Sehun and stay awake.

Sehun let out a quiet chuckle. “No.. I usually don’t think of any.”

“Can’t think of any way to improve yourself, oh perfect Sehun?” Junmyeon questioned teasingly. 

“That’s not it.” Sehun laughed again before sweeping a hand through his slightly messy hair. “I just don’t usually even try to think of any.”

“Oh.. that’s no fun… why don’t you?”

“Eh, I don’t know. Just always felt like a waste of time. Most people forget about them halfway into January anyways.”

“Such a downer.” Junmyeon teased again, poking Sehun’s leg idly before checking on the time. Two minutes left.

“What are yours?” Sehun asked, glancing down at where the leader was poking him briefly before returning his gaze to his face.

“To get better.” Junmyeon let out after a moment had passed. Sehun nodded, his expression changing in a way that made the leader think he regretted asking, and not wanting him to feel that way, he reached for Sehun’s hand and took it into his own. “And I want you to know I really appreciate you being here and helping me with that. Think I’m already on my way there.” 

Sehun was about to respond when the quiet beep of the timer went off, alerting them that it was officially the 1st of 2015. He moved to silence it before turning back to Junmyeon. 

“Of course, hyung. Happy new year.” Sehun told him with a smile, the rise in his cheeks slightly turning up the corners of his eyes. 

_Wow, he's beautiful._

Junmyeon froze at the thought.

…Since when did he _personally_ find Sehun beautiful?

The thought had come seemingly out of the blue for him, and he felt his eyes widen and cheeks redden as he tried to squash it. Didn't help that Sehun was still sitting there, looking at him, being beautiful. He wondered briefly if he could blame this on the drugs too.

Sehun clearly noticed the change in his demeanor, so Junmyeon decided to say something before he was questioned about it. “Happy new year to you too.” He managed in what felt like one breath, and the younger gave him a brief curious look before settling on another small smile. 

“You gonna go back to sleep?” Sehun asked as he made to move back to the recliner. 

“Yeah.” _Gonna try._

“Okay.” Sehun let out as he curled up in the chair, facing Junmyeon again before adding a “Good night.”

Junmyeon had returned the good night, then proceeded to lay awake thinking for what felt like hours. His anxiety kept him up. Not so much from the realization that he was feeling attracted to another man, he’d long known that about himself, but that he was feeling that way towards one of his best friends. That was dangerous. He’d been pleased that none of his co-members had sparked any of those feelings substantially in him thus far, and he’d actively worked to make sure none would, but now this? He’d only been able to fall asleep after officially deciding it was _definitely_ an effect of the drugs. 

The next day grew markedly worse for his anxiety, though more for food related reasons. It was becoming harder for him to eat as the meals increased in volume, and while he was still able to force himself to, he was worried he wouldn’t be able to keep that willpower up. What bothered him more was that he was starting to feel.. puffy. His fingers were thicker than he remembered, which absolutely terrified him. He knew logically that he couldn’t have gained any significant weight over the short course of five days, but that didn’t do anything to help. His anxiety was telling him he’d likely put on 10kg already with another 10 just around the corner. 

“Why am I feeling so puffy?” He asked the doctor the following afternoon when they were coming to the end of his daily check-in. 

“Puffy as in bloated?” Dr. Kang asked in an attempt to clarify.

“I think so.. I can see that my fingers are bigger but it feels like the rest of me is too.” 

“Bloating is a common side effect of refeeding.” She started. “Your digestive tract isn’t used to this level of intake, so you’ll have an excess of trapped gasses in addition to a distension in the abdomen. It’s also common to have issues with going to the bathroom as a result, any problems there?”

Junmyeon’s face flushed, relieved that Sehun was not currently in the room. “No.. I.. I haven’t had problems there.” He responded honestly. He was now feeling thankful that he hadn’t had much trouble with that, apart from the embarrassment of having the nurses assist him. 

“Well, that’s good. Is there anything else you want to ask me about?”

Junmyeon paused, contemplating how he wanted to bring up this specific concern. “I.. I still don’t feel ready to talk to a therapist, but is there anything else I can do about my anxiety? ...It’s getting worse.”

She herself paused, moving her clipboard back to her bag to give him her full attention. “I would still encourage you to speak with one of our psychologists here, I feel that they’re an important part of the healing process, but I understand why you may not currently wish to do so. However, it often can be helpful to open up to somebody close to you, who you know will be supportive.” She paused again and glanced between him and the recliner chair, where Sehun’s blanket and book still sat. Junmyeon wondered if she was alluding to him. 

“They likely won’t know the best advice to give or even understand completely as they are not trained, so keep that in mind, but it can certainly be a relief to not have to carry it all by yourself anymore.” She continued, and Junmyeon nodded. He did feel he was working his way up to being comfortable with discussing it more with Sehun, but he wasn’t entirely sure if he was there yet.

“If you’re requesting some sort of medicinal help, we can’t set you up with a long term prescription unless you speak with a psychiatrist. Do let me know if you wish to do so.” Dr. Kang finished.

“I’ll think about it, but for right now I think I’m already on enough drugs.” He said with a dry laugh, which made him remember another question he had. “When will I get the IVs out?”

“If you continue recovering well, both from the attack and the refeeding, I don’t see any reason why we couldn’t take them out next week.” She told him with a smile, and he felt a bit of relief come over him. That at least was good news. 

“That’s great.” He said with a nod. “They don’t hurt or anything, it’s just uncomfortable.”

She nodded and smiled, and Junmyeon assumed she must have heard that a hundred times before. “Anything else before I go?” She asked.

He shook his head to say no, and she gathered her things to make to leave. She said a few additional words of goodbye before heading out. 

It wasn't long before Sehun found his way back in, and Junmyeon contemplated what he felt comfortable sharing. They'd similarly fallen into a routine where he would update the younger on his condition following the doctor's visit, typically only leaving out particularly uncomfortable details. 

Sehun never questioned him, never so much as even asked him for more than how he was feeling.. Junmyeon found he simply wanted to tell him. 

Today, though, he couldn't think of anything he felt comfortable sharing. At least, not yet. 

After some time he finally said “Dr. Kang said I should be able to get the IVs out as soon as next week.”

“That's great.” Sehun responded, tilting his phone down as he locked gazes with the leader. “How are you doing?”

“She says I'm healing well, that it's obvious I've been following directions.”

“Would be unlike you to not.” Sehun teased and Junmyeon rolled his eyes playfully. 

“It's not that simple.” He told him, still maintaining a small smile in an attempt mask his anxiety. He wasn't sure if he wanted the younger to know he was struggling, not after he'd been doing so well. 

Sehun's expression shifted only slightly to one of worry, so slightly that Junmyeon wouldn't have noticed it if he hadn’t recently taken to studying his face extensively. He’d discovered the younger wasn’t as unreadable as he had originally thought, you just had to be able to pick up on the subtle movements of his eyes, raises of his brows, the minute twitches of his lips. Junmyeon had tried to force himself to stop observing him this way in light of recent.. thoughts.. but he was apparently finding his own self-imposed directions difficult to follow. 

There was a brief pause between them where seemingly neither knew what to say. Junmyeon didn’t yet feel ready to divulge his suite of anxieties, and he knew Sehun wouldn’t ask him to unless he was. 

So he instead decided to switch the topic. “Manager-hyung texted saying he’d be here with our lawyer tomorrow.” 

“Did he say what time?” 

“Around 2PM.” Junmyeon told him after re-checking his phone. 

Sehun nodded and paused before asking Junmyeon if he wanted to continue watching the series they’d started. He agreed, and soon they were lost in the throes of drama and tragedy. The leader found himself occasionally getting distracted by Sehun, who was situated just enough in front of him that he seemingly couldn't detect Junmyeon's gaze. He forced himself to stop when Sehun seemed to begin to pick up on it, and the time passed more quickly as he allowed the show to absorb his attention. 

After a few episodes and hours had passed the evening was on the horizon, and Junmyeon found himself steadily becoming more anxious as the threat of dinner hung closer overhead. Sehun seemed to notice this at a certain point, asking Junmyeon if he’d rather switch over to a game or some other activity, but the leader said no, stubbornly equating it to admitting defeat.

They ended up starting one of the various card games Sehun knew when his dinner had arrived anyway, and while Junmyeon understood under normal circumstances he’d find this fun, currently he was treating the game like a lifeline. He refused to divert any attention to his food, only taking a few small bites to hopefully pass off the appearance that he was actively eating.

“Is this too distracting for you?” Sehun suddenly asked after placing another card down. 

Junmyeon's face flushed, much to his resentment. “I.. no. It's fine.”

“Are you sure? You're not eating.” Sehun said, his tone so nonchalant it made Junmyeon want to scream. 

“I'm just going slowly. There's a lot.” He finally rebutted after a momentary pause, immediately sensing the excuse held no weight with the younger.

“We can slow down the game if you want.”

“That's not necessary.”

“It's not?”

“No.” Junmyeon insisted, his anger rising slightly, though he wasn't sure at what. Sehun's skeptical gaze was certainly making it worse. 

“Let me go at my own pace.” He added bruskly, prompting the younger to somewhat physically withdraw from him on the small hospital bed. 

There was a long silence, so long that Sehun had started focusing on idly shuffling the cards while Junmyeon looked at everything in the room other than him. 

“Hyung.” Sehun finally let out, and Junmyeon reluctantly returned his gaze. “I.. I don't know what to do to best help you. I just want you to get better, and if I'm not helping you can tell me.”

Junmyeon swallowed, unsure of how to respond given his mixed emotions. 

“Okay.” He breathed. Sehun waited for him to say more, but nodded when he was met with silence. 

“Do you still want to play?” Sehun asked, an unfamiliar hesitance in his voice as he gestured back to the cards scattered between them. 

Junmyeon paused again before shaking his head in the negative, the game no longer holding its original appeal. Sehun didn't say anything in response, simply began packing up the loose cards. 

“I think I'll go get myself food, actually.” Sehun told him, moving off the bed and standing in one fluid movement. 

The younger looked back at him when he'd gathered his things to head to the cafeteria, and Junmyeon felt a rush of confusion as he tried to come up with something to say. He felt entitled to his anger yet guilty, right alongside feelings of wanting Sehun to both leave and stay.

“Okay. I'll see you soon.” He finally responded, hoping Sehun got the hint he didn't need to be gone long as far as Junmyeon was concerned. With one final nod, Sehun left the hospital room. 

Junmyeon took the time to breathe in and out steadily, an unsuccessful attempt at quelling his anxiety, and eventually returned to his dinner. It was significantly harder on his own, but he felt slightly more motivated to push through, no matter how slow. 

Sehun was back not too long after, and they didn't speak for some time as they both ate. Junmyeon did notice he felt a bit calmer with his return.

They spent the remainder of the evening mostly in that silence. Junmyeon had finished his meal gradually, picking up speed when a nurse came in to collect his tray to find he'd only finished half his food. When it was officially finished and taken away, Junmyeon put the drama back on, attempting to ignore his jumble of feelings and make the time pass more quickly.

When they were both trying to go to sleep later that night, Junmyeon found that he was once again having trouble doing so. His anxieties wouldn't let up, and he laid awake for what felt like an hour and a half before he decided to try and do something about it. 

“Are you awake?” Junmyeon asked Sehun, hopefully at a volume he could hear if he was but quiet enough to not wake him if he wasn't. 

“Yeah. You alright?” Came the quick response, the younger turning in his chair to face him. 

“Not really.” He started. “I'm sorry about earlier.” 

“Don't worry about it.” Sehun told him. “I shouldn't be pressuring you.. this is something you need to decide to do yourself.”

“No.. It's okay. It's just getting harder for me. I know I was doing well at the beginning but it's.. the eating is starting to make me so anxious again.”

“I just don't get why it's so hard for me.” He continued, tears threatening to prickle at his eyes again as he avoided the younger's gaze. “Eating is such a basic human thing.”

“We are in an industry that does things like weigh-ins to make sure we're not gaining weight.” Sehun said. “Could cause some problems with eating.”

“Baekhyun always fails them.” Junmyeon recalled, a slight smirk forming on his face at the thought. “Doesn't seem to make _him_ think twice, though.”

“I think he cares more about food than his career.” Sehun joked, and Junmyeon laughed. “I've definitely had some hangups about eating because of it.”

“Have you ever had anything like my problems with it, though?” Junmyeon asked him, genuinely curious. 

Sehun shook his head. “No, I haven't.” 

“Yeah.” Junmyeon exhaled, pursing his lips in defeat. 

“But you don't know why you do?”

“I think.. I think I know.” Junmyeon admitted. Sehun didn't speak, as if leaving it open for him to decide if he wanted to continue. He did. 

“It was something I'd do sometimes when I was younger.. My parents were really hard on me and my brother growing up. They had their standards and if we didn't meet them it was like we didn't exist.” He trailed off momentarily as he thought about his parents, his parents who had made seemingly no attempt to reach out in his hospitalization..

He looked back to Sehun to try and regain focus. “Sometimes I'd just not eat for a week when that would happen.. it was like I didn't deserve it or something. They usually wouldn't notice, either. I had my baby fat even then as a teen so they didn't have any problems with my skipping dinner.” 

Sehun made a face at that, his obvious disapproval of his family's behavior helped to validate Junmyeon's feelings.

“Then when I got recruited with SM I was just so happy, and my parents actually seemed.. content? I had no problems eating for the longest time, but after we debuted it just got more and more stressful. The pressure to be thin is so high, and then the pressure of being leader-- I think Kris leaving was when I just.. stopped.” He said, the timeline of events becoming clearer to him as he spoke. 

“But doesn't not eating make all the work you do harder?” Sehun asked carefully. 

“I mean, eventually, I suppose. I'm here.” He started. “In the moment, though, it just feels safe. It makes me feel good when I lose weight. I have the ability to control something.. to do something correctly.” Junmyeon paused as he processed his own words. 

“Junmyeon..” Sehun let out, visibly upset. “You're one of the most hardworking people I've ever met, and you always do an amazing job. We wouldn't be where we are now without you.”

Junmyeon felt his cheeks heat in response to the compliment, he couldn't say he was any better at handling those now as an idol than he had been as an awkward teenager. “I.. I don't know. I understand we're successful, but I can never just be happy about that. It's always on to the next thing. When Kris left, suddenly I was responsible for all of you, everything, and it just got to be so much. It's been hard to feel like I'm doing a good enough job for each of you.”

The younger nodded, suddenly becoming preoccupied with the arm of his chair as he processed what Junmyeon was telling him. 

“I think you do a great job by me.” Sehun told him earnestly, making eye contact once again. Seemingly sensing Junmyeon was about to wave off this compliment as well, he continued. “I'm serious. I don't think I'd still be with the group if it weren't for you.”

“You don't mean that.” Junmyeon insisted. With blacklisting the way it was in Korean popular culture his career would've been over full stop. 

“I do.” He repeated. 

Between the sentiment and something in the way Sehun was looking at him.. Junmyeon felt himself grow considerably more flustered, his stomach fluttering. _What is going on with me?_

Too confused over his own feelings to say anything coherent, he let the conversation lull. 

“You know, I think my sister might have similar reasons to you.” Sehun said, breaking the silence. 

“Why do you say that?”

“My parents always treated her differently from me. They expected the highest amount of effort from her in everything they told her to do, which was a lot. They didn't necessarily.. treat her badly if she didn't complete them, but they would be extremely disappointed.. She always seems to be doing the most she possibly can, even now.” 

Junmyeon could see the similarities, but one thing in particular about what Sehun said confused him. “But they treated you differently?”

The younger's face fell, something that looked like guilt now etched into his expression. “They didn't really expect any effort out of me.”

“Why?”

“I think.. I think part of it was just that I was a boy, but it was mostly that they thought I was good looking enough to not have to. I'm pretty sure they also don't think I'm all that smart.” He said and paused, as if ashamed of that. 

Junmyeon's jaw nearly dropped. “Have they told you that?” 

“Not directly, no.” Sehun sighed. “It's more they treat me like a ditz. I love them but it bothers me sometimes.. makes me feel stupid.”

“You are so far, so far from stupid.” Junmyeon started. “And.. you are good looking enough to not have to try much, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't.”

“I don't think my parents got that memo.” Sehun said, his mouth turning up at the corner in an attempt at a smile. “When SM started being interested in me it just confirmed their ideas that I could ride on my looks and ‘never work.’ I never learned how to actually.. try at something until EXO was formed.”

Junmyeon nodded, recalling how difficult the time up until debut had been for the younger. 

“I still don't feel like I work as hard as I could.” Sehun continued, turning his attention once again to the arm of his chair. “Like I could be better if I did, I just, something about it makes me feel like if I actually tried, when I failed it would feel even worse.” 

“Why do you think you would fail?”

“I.. I don't know.” Sehun said, letting out an exasperated laugh. 

“You should try harder if you think you can.” Junmyeon encouraged, waiting until Sehun looked at him again to continue. “You're helping me with my stuff, I could help you with that.” He finished, a semi-jokey tone to his voice although he completely meant it. 

Sehun seemed to understand that and smiled at him. “Maybe I will, then.”

Only as the conversation was coming to a close did Junmyeon begin to feel his exhaustion set in. Sehun also picked up on that relatively quickly, and insisted he go back to sleep. 

“Sorry I kept you up.” He said. 

“Don't be, and you didn't.” Junmyeon responded with a loud yawn. 

Sehun smiled again before turning to lay back down in his chair. “G’night, hyung.”

Junmyeon returned the good night, and with that, he let his eyes fall closed and promptly fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback and comments very much appreciated. This will probably be edited for improvements over the next week or so, as per usual. 
> 
> Anybody else a little disillusioned with kpop right now after this Seungri scandal? Didn't affect my writing too much but it just all makes me feel so icky. :(


	10. Private

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly shorter chapter this week, but there's a decent amount of stuff, important stuffs, going on in it.
> 
> Really hope you all enjoy! Thank you for all the comments and kudos, they make my week. <3
> 
> Possible cw: reference to violence, homophobia

The following morning found Junmyeon in a considerably better mood. He felt calmer, and had been able to finish his breakfast earlier without much difficulty, a marked improvement from the night prior. He realized he'd never quite attempted to articulate his feelings or motivations before, it seemed saying them out loud had helped him to understand himself better.

His lunch had just been delivered, and Sehun was already situated in his spot by Junmyeon's feet on the bed. The younger had brought a gimbap from the cafeteria, which funnily looked exceedingly better to Junmyeon than his own meal. 

“SM is supposed to come at 2?” Sehun asked, distracting Junmyeon from their food. 

He nodded, getting a bit nervous at the thought. He'd been so preoccupied with focusing on and worrying over his refeeding that he hadn't allowed himself much mental energy to process the attack, and now it loomed menacingly overhead like his own personal raincloud. 

“When they get here could you stay?” Junmyeon requested sheepishly before forcing a bite of his lunch, diverting his gaze back to the food in front of him.

“Sure.. did you want me to stay last time?”

“It's okay that you didn't. I just.. feel more nervous this time.”

“More nervous?”

“Yeah.” Junmyeon responded after swallowing another mouthful of food. “I haven't really let myself think much about.. what happened since the last time they were here.”

“And now you have to talk about it.”

Junmyeon nodded. “I also don't really know what they're going to ask, or what the process is… will I have to see them again?”

Sehun seemed to understand he was referring to the trainees, his eyebrow scrunching. “I have no idea.” He let out defeatedly. 

Junmyeon sighed, trying not to fret too much about it when he couldn't even begin to guess what it might involve. Sehun responded to his obvious worry by suggesting they try playing the game they'd started but not finished the day before, and Junmyeon happily agreed. 

The time leading up to 2PM passed quickly, which Junmyeon typically would have welcomed in his hospital stay, but presently resented. 

A light knock rang at the door before it was opened gently, Junmyeon knew without looking that it was a nurse coming to collect the remnants of his meal. 

“Mr. Kim, Mr. Oh.” The nurse greeted them with a small courteous bow before moving to his side table. They returned her greeting in tandem, and she smiled, stepping back with his cleared tray. 

“Your managers are here waiting in the lobby, I've told them to wait until I've checked in with you, shall I let them in?”

Junmyeon appreciated her asking, it allowed him the illusion that he had some level of control over the situation.. though he was quite sure that wouldn't be the case. “Yes, thank you.” 

“Alright, I'll send them in.” She smiled, bowing her head again slightly before exiting the room.

Junmyeon exhaled, preoccupying himself by tidying the blankets across his lap before he returned his gaze to Sehun, now once again seated in the armchair. The younger held his eye contact, and Junmyeon sensed he was similarly nervous, though it didn't show explicitly on his face. 

“Hello, Junmyeon, how are you doing?” Their lead manager asked after swinging the door open, a warm smile on his face as he led not one, but two SM employees in behind him. Junmyeon recognized the first as one of their lawyers, a slightly older man he'd met once or twice, but the other was a complete stranger. 

“Hello, manager-hyung. I'm recovering, how are you?” He responded tersely. There was no room for pleasantries like ‘I'm doing better’, or ‘feeling great’ when interacting with SM staff, Junmyeon learned through seeing his co-members injured that anything other than ‘I'm still injured and recovering’ was typically interpreted by SM to mean that you were recuperated and ready to work again. 

“Good, good. I'll start with introductions then.” Their manager said as he shuffled around the foot of Junmyeon's hospital bed to make better room. “These are two of EXO's lawyers, Mr. Lee, who I believe you've met before, and Mr. Choi.” He then turned to face the two older men. “And this is Kim Junmyeon, along with Oh Sehun.” He finished, regarding the youngest inquisitively, as if unsure of his presence at this meeting. 

Mr. Lee and Choi gave a slight bow, and Sehun responded accordingly. Junmyeon bowed his head, but couldn't do much else given his still injured torso. 

“It's nice to see you again, Mr. Lee, and nice to meet you, Mr. Choi.” Junmyeon began. “I've asked Sehun to partake in this discussion as I thought he might have some useful points to contribute.” 

That was a bit off base, but he felt it sounded better than ‘I was scared and didn't want to be alone for this.’ Sehun gave him a brief curious look before turning to smile again at their manager and lawyers. 

They nodded, and Mr. Lee stepped forward. “Junmyeon, I first want to say that I am deeply saddened by your injuries, and wish you the speediest of recoveries.”

Mr. Choi stepped forward to offer similar condolences, and Junmyeon gave them each a quiet thank you. Following these somewhat artificial introductions, their manager requested more specific updates on his health and offered updates of his own on Junmyeon's work schedule and other EXO business. A significant amount of time passed in the conversation before Junmyeon began to wonder if they were going broach the subject of his attack at all. Then, Mr. Choi began speaking.

“We want to start the discussion of your case by making it clear that recourse through the judicial system is completely available to you, we are not preventing you from exploring that. However, after thorough review of everything available we would strongly urge you to handle this privately through SM.”

Junmyeon inhaled and held it, he felt somewhat surprised despite himself, this distastefully self-preserving behavior should be expected from their company at this point. He remained quiet in hopes they would continue and explain themselves without him having to give a reaction, he could sense Sehun was already getting worked up enough for the two of them in his periphery. 

“If you decide to allow us to handle it internally, we will hold a private trial of sorts with all parties present. When your attackers are found to be in breach of their contracts, which we already know them to be due to the damning security footage, the four trainees will be terminated and blacklisted.”

Sehun seethed. “If you already know they're in breach why have the trial at all? Why make him deal with those assholes again? And they need to be punished, put away for what they did, not just fired from their jobs.” He near spat, obviously out of turn, but Junmyeon appreciated it all the same. 

“Do not speak for your leader, Oh Sehun.” Their manager warned, and Junmyeon's defenses went up. 

“Sehun can say what he wants.” He countered. Between his upset at being told that he shouldn't go to the criminal system for an obviously criminal offence against him, and Sehun's uninhibited anger for the same reasons, Junmyeon felt all the more confident in voicing his concerns. “I am also curious why this 'trial' would be necessary, and how handling this privately is anything but SM saving face.”

“Handling this privately is in your best interest too, Junmyeon.” Their manager responded, his tone slightly softer.

Junmyeon remained silent again, waiting for them to explain themselves. This time, Mr. Lee spoke. 

“We reviewed the security footage extensively, and feel the language used by your attackers could be damaging to your career if it went public.. which it inevitably would if you chose to not allow us to handle it internally.” 

Junmyeon felt the blood drain from his face, immediately knowing what they were referring to. Sehun was obviously confused, and Junmyeon momentarily regretted asking him to stay for this. 

Sehun turned to him, his expression incredulous. “What is he talking about?” He mouthed, and Junmyeon lowered his head, breaking eye contact and confusing the younger all the more.

“I'm unsure if you remember given your concussion, so pardon my language, but they continuously refer to you as a _'fag’_ or _'faggot’_ along with other similar homosexual pejoratives throughout the entirety of the attack.” Mr. Choi explained. 

“You see, Junmyeon, if that tape got out and the public found that out about you, yours and your co-members' careers would plummet.” Their manager added, making Junmyeon feel sick to his stomach. 

“What do you mean, ‘found that out’ about me? I'm not.. not _that._ ” He breathed, unable to bring himself to say the word faggot. A word he'd dreaded being called nearly his whole life. “I am not ‘homosexual.’ I don't know why they called me that.”

Their manager nodded, but his expression did not change, much to Junmyeon's frustration. “The truth unfortunately does not always matter in times like this. We currently have that footage secured, and our lawyers are present to ensure that those trainees could not seek their own legal recourse following termination, which would also uncover the tape. Our legal team fears that if you decided to pursue this publicly, it is likely that the trainees’ defense team would spin this as a reaction to you having made sexual advances on them or something similar.”

Junmyeon felt very close to vomiting, and he had to take several deep breaths to keep himself from doing just that. 

Sehun looked over to him, as if checking on his status before interjecting. “That would be an obvious lie, I was there, along with many others who could testify on Junmyeon's behalf to what actually happened. Besides, even if they did claim that, with Junmyeon's word that he isn't gay and the fact that those trainees could have actually _killed_ him, that should be enough to keep it from hurting our careers.”

“In a perfect world, yes. The fact of the matter is that the majority of the Korean public does not look kindly upon.. homosexuality.. and we fear they would be more likely to side with the trainees’ defense.” Mr. Lee countered, his words and expression so smug that Junmyeon sensed he likely included himself in that opinion held by the ‘Korean public.’ 

“A private trial would ensure that your attackers are held accountable for what they've done, to the extent of SM's power, and that they would thereafter be unable to legally refute the decision. It would also prevent any possible damage from this footage going public and being used against you.” Mr. Choi said, and the room fell into silence for some time, as if allowing both parties time to process the discussion. 

“Junmyeon, you do have time to make a decision.” Their manager informed after the moment had passed. “We have cleared you of your obligations through to lunar new year, and while this is better handled sooner rather than later, we understand that you are still healing.. Our only constraint is that it must be taken care of before promotions begin for Exodus.” 

Junmyeon swallowed, that meant he had until the end of March. That didn't particularly make him feel like he could take his time in deciding, but he was so upset he felt inclined to take any leverage possible. 

“I'd like to take some time to decide, then.” He told them, and while feeling he would likely be considered rude, but not really caring, he added “Is that all?”

Their manager definitely found it rude, his face twisting in disapproval. “..Yes. That's all. Let us know how you decide as soon as possible.” 

Junmyeon nodded, wordlessly dismissing them as they departed the hospital room. 

He finally exhaled after he couldn't hear them in the hallway any longer. Ignoring Sehun for the moment, he let his eyes slip closed to focus on evening out his breathing. Discussing the attack, even in as minimal of detail as they just had, was bringing the memories ramping back. He could feel the blows, hear their words, see their awful faces all over again. 

The thoughts began to overwhelm him, and his control on his breath began to slip away. He felt himself fade into the memory, practically reliving it, until he was suddenly pulled back to reality by Sehun's arms wrapping around him. He hadn't realized he'd begun crying until the younger pulled back slightly to offer him a tissue. 

He accepted it and pressed it against his face, letting out another sob before the realization that he was accepting close physical contact from another male set in. He pulled back further, using the excuse that he needed air to dissuade any potential confusion in the younger. Normally he'd welcome the contact, but right now it made him nervous. 

It had been traumatic, to be called a faggot over and over while being beaten, so much so that he'd done his best to not dwell on it.. but to have it thrown in his face as a potential downfall to his career? Something he'd worked so hard for, the primary reason why he worked so hard to keep that part of himself private? 

He would be lying if he ever said he was ‘okay’ with his being gay, but he had accepted that about himself long ago. He'd attempted to reorient his attraction for years as a teen before finally submitting to the fact that this was simply something he'd have to deal with.. and ignore, for the most part. It certainly became more imperative when he'd become a celebrity. 

Korea wasn't exactly the place for being out and proud, and his parents would've likely disowned him if they ever found out, but maybe if he'd never become famous he could've.. tried something, with somebody, privately, without the constant threat of being outed. That wasn't his situation, though, and he'd had to adapt.

He'd always felt he disguised himself well, if disguised was the right word. He wasn't overly effeminate, no flamboyance.. physical contact with his co-members was accepted, even expected when it came to fan service, but other than that he'd never done anything more with another man. There was no evidence of his being gay, he'd never told anybody, never written it down, nothing. 

But now, due to the attackers having used homosexual pejoratives for.. whatever reason, his career was tangibly threatened if he wanted to pursue just legal action? He realized SM could be exaggerating to urge him towards the private trial, but the fear remained. His career was everything to him, he couldn't even begin to imagine what his life would look like without it, let alone being shamed for being gay publicly. 

He felt his anxiety begin to rise the longer he was stuck on thoughts of losing his career, and he reminded himself nothing had happened yet, it was up to him how he wanted to handle this.

He forced his eyes open again, his gaze immediately returning to Sehun, who was clearly trying to otherwise preoccupy himself but failing miserably. 

“I don't.. I don't know what to do.” Junmyeon admitted, hoping the younger might have some words of premature wisdom for him.

Sehun looked to him and offered a small, reassuring smile. “You don't have to know now.” He reminded. “There's time to think about it.. I wouldn't blame you for going either way.”

Junmyeon nodded, not quite feeling like he had the energy or legal know-how to even begin to make a decision. They sat in silence again for some time before Junmyeon's curiosity got the best of him. 

“Do you think.. do I seem like I'd be.. gay?” He asked in a hushed tone, hesitantly looking to the younger to gauge his reaction. 

Sehun paused, seemingly taken aback at the question. Junmyeon was about to tell him to forget about it when he responded. “No.. I don't think so. I never got that impression from you, and I've never heard somebody saying they had.”

Junmyeon felt a bit of relief at that, though his confusion remained. “But then why would they call me.. _that?_ ”

“They probably just wanted to call you something they thought was bad and would make you feel.. bad, and that was the worst thing they could come up with.” Sehun answered, seemingly just as confused at their reasoning as him, but Junmyeon felt his guess at least made some sense. 

“Do you think it's bad?” The question fell out of Junmyeon's mouth near uncontrollably. He couldn't fathom what possessed him to actually ask, but he felt a strong need to know Sehun's answer.

The younger's eyes widened gradually as he processed the question, seemingly contemplating if or how to respond. After a significant pause, he said “I.. I don't think it's bad. I think it's normal, honestly. Never really understood what the problem with it is.”

Junmyeon nodded, not entirely brave enough to openly agree with him. He realized it was selfish, prompting the younger to voice an unpopular opinion and then offer no response, so he reached for something to say. “I don't really know what I think about it.” He finally let out, the statement mostly accurate. 

Sehun nodded. He looked like he wanted to say more, maybe ask something, but ultimately decided against it. Junmyeon wasn't sure if he felt disappointed or relieved. 

He did feel relieved to know Sehun didn't view it as something negative, so much so that it once again triggered that increasingly familiar fuzzy feeling in the pit of his stomach. As much as he was off put by the feeling, it was a welcome replacement to his earlier nausea. 

While it was comforting that at least one of the people he was closest to would possibly be accepting if they ever found out, it didn't make him any more comfortable with the idea of the general public knowing. Even suspecting him of it. 

But did he really want Kim Jungsu and the rest of them to get away with what they'd done to him? Sehun hadn't been exaggerating when he'd said the attack could've killed him, and if they were so easily incited to violence he was sure if they were allowed free it would happen again. Somebody else could get hurt. 

As they moved on and tried to resume their daily schedule, Junmyeon accepted that this was going to be one of the harder decisions he'd have to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual this will be edited over the week following its posting, likely nothing major plot-wise. Just feel like it needs a decent bit of tweaking.
> 
> Comments and feedback very much appreciated! :)
> 
> Next chapter should be a bit longer, and significantly more pleasant.


	11. Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I am so sorry this is so late. Last week was hell, couldn't even get to a computer for most of it. I'm already working on the next chapter, and I'll be uploading it some time next weekend. 
> 
> Really hope you all enjoy this one! <3

“You have to go again?” Youngjae pouted as Sehun handed him back the small gorilla plushie he'd been playing with. They were presently sitting in the seating area of the library, playing a jungle adventure game the young boy had made up. 

“Yeah, gotta go have dinner with my friend.” Sehun told him with a small smile. He'd taken to coming to the library occasionally whenever Junmyeon drifted off into a long sleep. It gave him something to do other than read or browse on his phone, and he found he enjoyed Youngjae's company. He'd abandoned the facemask whenever it was just the two of them, or the two and the boy's mother, who was very nice and hadn't regarded him as anything other than a hospital guest thus far. 

“He hasn't brought me back Doraemon to play with us yet.” Youngjae recalled, fiddling with the gorilla plushie.

“He's still not feeling better enough to play.” Sehun said, lips pulling into a slight frown. “I promise he'll come play with us when he is.”

Youngjae turned away from him to sort through his various toys. “He's not going to die?” He suddenly asked.

Sehun paused, both the question and the boy's flippant attitude towards it startled him. Multitudinous questions ran through his head at once, too chaotic for him to parse any one out. 

“No. No, he's getting better every day.” Sehun responded after he collected himself, regretting that his tone felt forced. The indirect reminder that Junmyeon’s health could be significantly worse shook him, despite it being true the leader was getting better.

“So maybe next time?” Youngjae asked, turning back to Sehun. 

He gave the boy a hopeful smile. “We'll see, bud.”

Youngjae nodded, seemingly content with that answer. He quickly returned his attention back to the toys, and Sehun made his way out of the quaint library, nodding towards Youngjae's mother as he exited. 

He tried to ease his still scrunched brow as he put his facemask back in place, walking steadily towards the elevators. He wondered briefly why Youngjae had thought to ask that sort of question, and if he was going to be okay. Sehun never felt comfortable asking the boy or his mother why he was in the hospital, but it hadn't properly occurred to him that death could be a possibility. Maybe he was naive to have not considered it, but he'd grown a fondness for him and didn't want to believe that could be the case.

Youngjae’s question, though, had harkened back the intrusive thoughts and nightmares Sehun had been trying so hard to push back in the week and a half he'd been staying with the leader. The nightmares had been reoccurring since that first night, and they were always the same. Junmyeon being hurt and beaten while Sehun could do nothing but watch.

He'd never bothered to evaluate his bad dreams when he'd had them consistently as a child, he'd mostly just thought he was under some sort of curse and had to deal with them. When they'd stopped suddenly as a teen, he remembered being thankful, but quickly moved on, becoming accustomed to dreamless sleep and taking it for granted. 

Now that his nightmares were back in full swing, a day hadn't passed without his contemplating why he was having them.

He'd already accepted that his feelings that had fluxed and flowed over the years for Junmyeon were back, and he was doing his best to push them away. The nightmares only made it harder. Every night that he inevitably woke up from witnessing the leader beaten in a dream, resulted in a near uncontrollable urge to crawl into the quaint hospital bed with him and hold him close. He wanted to feel Junmyeon flush up against him, wrapped in his arms, and tell him over and over that he'd never let anything like that happen to him again. 

It wasn't that Junmyeon would necessarily be against that sort of contact, they'd shared a bed numerous times before on tour and had frequently ended up cuddled through the night in one way or another. Physical affection between them had always been common, but now that Sehun's feelings had once again passed that platonic line, he no longer felt comfortable doing so. He knew he'd be taking more from the exchange than the leader, and worried it would make him fall all the faster and harder for him.

The ‘ding!’ of the elevator reaching Junmyeon’s floor snapped Sehun out of his train of thought, and he exited as soon as the gap in the doors was wide enough for him to fit his body through. He tried once again to relax his expression and mood before he reentered the hospital room. 

“Hey.” Junmyeon greeted him as he walked through the doorway, turning to give him a tired but bright smile. His hair was sticking up in a few different places and he had a pillow mark across his cheek. _Adorable._

Sehun smiled back easily, despite his still flustered thoughts. “You just wake up?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, it’s only a few minutes until 6:30.” He said, alluding to the arrival of their dinner.

“Ah, okay.” Junmyeon let out as he propped himself up into an upright seated position. He leaned forward slightly, just one of the physical movements that had gotten a bit less painful for him recently, and patted the mattress in front of him to signal Sehun to sit. 

Sehun did so, climbing onto the bed and crossing his legs in front of him. Junmyeon used his arms to help himself cross his own legs to make more room for the younger, and Sehun was offered an eyeful of the bruised insides of his arm. 

Junmyeon had had his IVs taken out on Monday, only two days ago now, and the removal of the tapes and bandaging had exposed the deep purple and blue bruises the needles had created. Sehun had several fears, needles being one of them, and the experience of being there to support him when they were taken out had been difficult. The wariness over the needles mixed with his concern for Junmyeon was near nauseating, and now in his overly worried state it simply offset his fears over the leader’s health all the more.

Sehun swallowed, forcing his eyes back up to Junmyeon’s face, where the cuts and bruising had now healed significantly. “How are you feeling?” 

Junmyeon was watching him carefully, as if sensing something was bothering him. “I’m alright, just drowsy. You okay?”

“I’m fine.” Sehun assured. He usually had no qualms sharing things with the leader when prompted, it felt unnatural to be dishonest with him, but he ultimately knew this wasn’t something he should disclose. 

Junmyeon raised his brow skeptically, and exhaled. “If you say so.” 

Sehun was about to attempt at convincing him further, likely unsuccessfully, when the door was opened by a nurse followed by cafeteria staff delivering their respective meals. 

They both became distracted initially by the food, then by selecting one of the new games Sehun had found and downloaded to his phone. He was constantly searching the app store for new ones, and had nearly overloaded his phone with options. 

The game Junmyeon eventually chose was a drawing and guessing game, which resulted in their dinner taking significantly longer as they were frequently interrupted by laughing fits. Junmyeon’s ribs had healed enough that this sort of laughter no longer caused him as much pain, and his mood had improved enough over the last couple days following SM’s visit that he seemingly felt more comfortable doing so. 

Junmyeon had withdrawn a bit after their visit, and Sehun assumed it was due to his needing time to process the rehashing of the attack and contemplate how he wanted to handle his case. He’d given the leader his time readily, they hadn’t spoken much the first couple of days following, and spoke nothing of the case. They still hadn’t reopened any of those topics, but it had certainly been a relief for Sehun when Junmyeon at least seemed to begin to return to his usual cheery mood. As much as Sehun was at peace with quiet, it felt particularly lonely when Junmyeon was.

“You're not even trying!” Junmyeon whined, laughing as he gestured back to Sehun's self-proclaimed artwork. 

“I am.” Sehun insisted, failing to suppress a giggle of his own. “You're just not able to expand your mind enough to guess what it is.” 

“Sehunnie, it's literally a stick figure and some scribbles.” 

“And?”

Junmyeon groaned, but let out another chuckle as he resumed thinking about what it could be. He eventually got it, and Sehun ridiculed him for insulting his artwork when he clearly was able to understand it. 

They finished their meal and moved on to watching a comedy film the leader picked out, which passed the time rather quickly. After the nurses had assisted Junmyeon with his night routine and 10PM was just around the corner, he told Sehun he was going to turn in for the evening. 

“You should go to sleep too.” Junmyeon told him, turning slightly to face the younger. “You've been looking pretty tired lately.”

Sehun resisted a wince, he thought he'd been hiding that well. “Have I? I've been sleeping fine.” He lied. 

“Yeah. Maybe the chair is keeping you from getting good sleep?” 

“Maybe.” Sehun mused, feeling it was a better excuse than the truth. 

“If you want to go home and sleep in your own bed you can tell me, it’s fine.” 

Despite Junmyeon having told him exactly this too many times to count since he’d joined him in the hospital, Sehun was still warmed by his concern. “No, I’m fine here. It’s worth it.”

Junmyeon’s stern, often teasingly referred to as ‘motherly’ expression quickly morphed into something more bashful at his words, and Sehun decided to take it as an opportunity to double down on the sentiment. While Junmyeon didn’t need to know the exact parameters of Sehun’s feelings for him, he needed to know he cared. “It’s more important to me that I stay here with you as long as you want me here, I can make up for the lost sleep when we’re both back at the dorm.” 

“Okay.” Junmyeon breathed, cheeks tinged a light pink. “Well I hope you sleep well whenever you decide to.”

Sehun nodded. “Good night.” He told Junmyeon as he got into a more comfortable position in the reclining chair and pulled out a book he was halfway through reading. He did actually feel quite tired, he could probably also fall asleep, but the fear of his inevitable nightmares overhead made him want to delay that as much as possible. 

“Night.” Junmyeon echoed, letting his eyes fall shut as he nestled further into his pillow. 

Sehun looked at him for some time before he convinced himself to stop, remembering that people could usually sense when others stared. He turned to his book and tried to remember exactly why he had found it interesting in the first place, and was eventually able to reengage with the storyline. 

He continued reading until his exhaustion began to ebb away at him, pulling at his eyelids and preventing him from following the book any longer. He surrendered around midnight, putting the book and his small reading light away. He reclined and stretched himself out across the chair, and the sleep took him so quickly he didn’t remember anything after that.

~~

_The nightmare began the way it usually did, with Sehun discovering he was unable to move and Junmyeon lying vulnerable just in front of him. He pushed and pulled the way he always did when the attack started, trying to free himself to get closer to Junmyeon, to get him to safety._

_This time, however, the dream went on for longer. Sehun typically always woke up while Junmyeon still appeared responsive, but it had long surpassed that point, with the leader now laying limp as his attackers continued their onslaught._

_He wasn’t sure when he’d started screaming, but his voice was becoming more and more hoarse with every sob. He felt his body shaking despite not being able to move, like the energy he was still determinedly expending to move forward was instead pushing back, pulsating through him._

_Just as ominously as his attackers had appeared they were now leaving, abandoning Junmyeon to lie unresponsive and bloodied on the ground, alone. Something about this aggravated Sehun all the more, and he pushed through his exhaustion to reach out once again, only to fall forward into blackness as he always did._

~~

Sehun inhaled deeply, attempting to catch his breath but failing. He was sprawled across the side of the chair, which had rotated significantly, likely from his tossing and turning mid-dream. There were hot tears on his cheeks, and Sehun reached up to wipe at them before daring to open his swollen eyelids. 

“Sehun..” A faint voice came, much closer than he would have expected. Sehun turned to see Junmyeon was standing next to him, leaning against the bed for support. “I was going to wake you, you were yelling. Are you okay?”

“I- I’ll be okay.” Sehun stuttered out, sitting up and trying to recollect himself. He’d yet to wake Junmyeon with his nightmares, and the fact that he’d not only done that but also seemingly forced him from his bed while he was still injured upset Sehun greatly. “You should lay back down, don’t worry about it.”

Junmyeon pouted indignantly. “I will worry about it. I’ve been living with you for years and I’ve never heard you do that before. What’s going on?” 

Sehun sighed, wiping the remainder of wetness from his eyes with his sleeve before looking back to the leader. “I’ll tell you, just please get back into bed first.”

Junmyeon gave him a skeptical look, and another that suggested he didn’t appreciate being told what to do before he turned to reposition himself back onto the mattress. Sehun let out another breath as he turned himself in the chair again so he could better face the leader, and began to contemplate how much detail he should disclose. 

“You know.. You know how I’m scared to sleep alone?” He started, already having difficulty maintaining eye contact. Junmyeon nodded, and Sehun continued. “I, um.. I used to have a lot of nightmares as a kid. They’d be about anything, but they were always.. awful.” He paused to inhale fully, still a bit out of breath, and gauge Junmyeon’s expression. The leader only looked more worried. 

“I had them.. constantly. I was sharing a room with my sister then and.. she always comforted me when they’d wake me up. Sometimes I woke her up with my crying, other times I’d wake her up because I was scared, and she was always there for me when I needed her.. She’d let me share her bed, hold me until I fell asleep again.”

“Eventually they stopped, thank god, but it's still hard for me to sleep alone. I always want somebody else there just in case.. and now I’m having those nightmares again. ”

“When did they come back?” Junmyeon asked, eyes softly fixed on him.

Sehun paused, not wanting the leader to feel guilty but also not wanting to outright lie. “Since we’ve been staying here.”

“How often?”

“Every night.”

Junmyeon also paused, nodding silently and looking away from him. Sehun’s stomach twisted, not liking the feeling that he was troubling the leader when he should be focused on his own recovery, but he stayed silent until Junmyeon spoke again. 

“Do you.. Do you want to try that again? Would it make you feel better?” Junmyeon asked after some time had passed, and Sehun’s eyebrow scrunched at the question.

“What do you mean?”

Junmyeon swallowed. “Having somebody hold you.”

Sehun’s face flushed, and he felt warmth and want tingle through him at the idea. A major warning sign he should take heed of. “You- you mean you?”

Junmyeon nodded, seemingly oblivious to Sehun’s flustered state. He scooted himself over to the side of the mattress and patted the now empty space beside him. 

“Hyung.. the bed is kind of small, I don’t want to hurt you..” He tried, desperate to find a way to out himself from this situation, though he could feel his will was low in his physically and emotionally worn out, post-nightmare state.

“Don’t worry, I’ll just lay on you if you start moving in your sleep again.” Junmyeon joked, then smiled teasingly as he reached out towards him with both arms. “I can be your replacement Seongmi-nuna, little scared Sehun.” 

While he didn’t necessarily like the thought of Junmyeon as his sister, that last line successfully got a laugh out of Sehun, and he unthinkingly stood from his chair to move towards his bed. He couldn’t quite comprehend what made him think this was in any way okay, but he brushed off the obvious lapse in judgment to his exhaustion.

Sehun felt a bit of hesitance bite back at him when he reached the side of the mattress and met Junmyeon’s eyes. He shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t allow himself to get so intimately close with him when he was feeling this way.. but he felt it hard to reason with himself when that was all he wanted to do. Sehun had felt this way every night following these nightmares, that urge to be close to Junmyeon, and now that he was explicitly inviting him to do so.. he felt unable to say no. Besides, they were often close, Junmyeon might find it more suspicious if he did. 

On that thought, Sehun pressed an arm down on the mattress to hoist himself gently onto it, gliding down the length to lay next to Junmyeon. He didn’t move any closer, still uncharacteristically unsure of initiating contact with him. 

Junmyeon helped, gently pulling and prodding at the younger until they were in a position that worked for the both of them. The leader was lying on his back with Sehun nuzzled into his side, head gently resting where his shoulder met his chest. Junmyeon’s left arm was nestled under Sehun’s neck and wrapped around his shoulders, and his right reached across his own chest to rest in a similar spot on Sehun’s back, creating a circular hold around him. 

“Are you sure this is comfortable for you?” He asked, peering up at Junmyeon.

“It’s fine.. as long as you don’t bump into my ribs.” 

Sehun nodded, doing a mental check on where his arms were and the space in which he could move them. He felt a wave of calm wash over him as he relaxed into their position. Junmyeon was so.. warm, and between the blankets and the flesh of his chest having filled out a bit, it made a soft place to rest his head. He smelled a bit like soap, but mostly like himself, and Sehun had to resist taking in a full breath of him. 

“Do you remember what happened in your dream?” Junmyeon asked him, his breath ghosting through Sehun’s hair, making him shiver. 

He tilted his head up to look at him, unsure if telling him the truth would trigger unwanted memories for the leader. “It’s.. about you.”

“Me?” Junmyeon questioned, his tone mock offended. “Am I that scary?”

Sehun let out a chuckle, unthinkingly nuzzling closer into his chest. “No.. not like that.”

“Then what about me?” He asked again, slightly more serious. 

“What happened.. the attack.” Sehun started, and felt Junmyeon tense underneath him. 

“The attack?”

Sehun nodded, monitoring Junmyeon’s expression carefully. He seemed somewhat startled.. but not upset. “What happens?” The leader continued, his hand slightly clenching at Sehun’s back.

“I can’t move.. and you’re there, in front of me.. laying there. When they’re hurting you I can’t do anything, can’t help you. All I can do is watch.” He paused, the words getting tangled in his throat as hot tears welled in his eyes. “It’s so horrible.”

“Sehun..” 

Junmyeon tightened his hold around him, moving his hand from Sehun’s back up into his hair, tangling his fingers into the thick strands. The younger sighed at the contact, leaning into it. He momentarily contemplated the absurdity that Junmyeon was comforting Sehun over his own attack, and he craned his head back to look at him again. 

“I’m sorry, I hope talking about it like this doesn’t bother you.” 

“No, don’t worry. I honestly hadn’t.. hadn’t thought about how much it might be affecting you.” 

“You have more important things to worry about.. what with the case and your recovery.”

Junmyeon squeezed gently at his back again. “You’re important too.”

Sehun felt his skin flush again, a light fluttering starting up in his stomach. He dropped his face back down into Junmyeon’s chest, fearful his expression would betray the conflicting feelings clouding his mind. 

“You can wake me if you have another nightmare.. We don’t necessarily have to do.. this every time if you don’t want to, but I don’t want you to think you have to deal with it alone just because of what I’m going through.” Junmyeon told him, voice barely above a whisper. 

Sehun wasn’t sure if he could rationalize waking the leader when he needed the sleep to heal, but he appreciated the offer all the same. “Thanks.” He responded, and they fell into a comfortable silence. 

“I think I’m going to go privately through SM.” Junmyeon blurted out suddenly after a long pause had passed, and Sehun lifted his head again. 

The news startled him, but he wasn’t sure he would go any differently if it were him in Junmyeon’s place. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I don’t.. don’t want to risk our careers over it.” Junmyeon averted his gaze to look out the window across from them, fingers moving idly over Sehun’s back. “I know SM could be making it out to be worse than it would be, but I just.. don’t think I could deal with.. that.”

Sehun nodded, his heart ached but he understood what Junmyeon was alluding to. 

“I feel that it’s what’s best for my career and the rest of you all, but I can’t get over that they'd be free.. what if they came after me again because I lost them their jobs? What if they went after you?”

“They lost their jobs themselves the second they put their hands on you.” Sehun reminded, and paused before continuing in a more light-hearted tone. “And I'll be taking on a permanent job as your bodyguard, so I wouldn't worry about them coming after us again.”

The corner of Junmyeon's lip turned up in a slight grin. “Is that so?”

“Yeah. Soon as we're out of here I'm going to start training in hand-to-hand combat.”

Junmyeon's grin widened. “I know you’re being stupid but it is actually making me feel better.” He let out with a laugh. 

Sehun smiled, moving his hand from his side to Junmyeon's, splaying his fingers over an area of his chest he knew to be uninjured. They both understood he was joking, but Sehun couldn’t say he wouldn’t be tempted to give those trainees a taste of their own medicine if he saw them again. 

“It’ll be fine, you know.” Sehun told him seriously. “SM can be a bunch of assholes but I know they’ll handle this in a way that will keep them from coming back, it’d make them look bad if they did.”

“Yeah.” Junmyeon breathed, seemingly unconvinced, but Sehun wasn’t sure what else he could say to fix that. 

They laid there in silence for some time, and Sehun took the opportunity to unabashedly bask in being so close to Junmyeon. He told himself he'd have to take more steps to avoid this in the future, at least until he was past these feelings, but for now… for now he could enjoy it. 

That enjoyment was cut short when his exhaustion returned, and he was soon fast asleep.

\--

Junmyeon was wide awake, unable to sleep as he held a sleeping Sehun next to him. The younger was snoring quietly, and it was taking a strange amount of self-control to keep himself from pulling him in closer. The pain he knew would come with that positioning was at least doing a sufficient job of preventing him from actually doing so.

_Why had I thought this was a good idea?_

He only knew he’d wanted to comfort Sehun in some way, and the suggestion to hold him had slipped out without much forethought on his part. Now, here he was, unable to fall asleep with a peacefully sleeping Sehun locking him in place. 

He considered waking him, but it felt hypocritical to do so. Junmyeon was the one who had invited him here in the first place. 

To be fair to himself, he hadn’t realized how much being close to Sehun in this way would affect him. They’d been similarly close before and he’d been fine, but now it felt.. different. It was near overwhelming.. and entirely confusing. 

It was wonderful and terrifying all at once, with him both wanting to pull Sehun closer and push him away simultaneously. He opted to continue to do neither, and tried to relax where he was. They’d smartly positioned Sehun at a downangle so Junmyeon didn’t have to lift his arms upwards and hurt his ribs, so it physically shouldn’t be too difficult for him to sleep like this if he actually tried. 

He cleared his mind, pushing out all the nonsense floating around concerning these unfamiliar feelings for Sehun, and focused on his breathing. It was the same method he’d been using whenever eating had gotten difficult for him, and if it worked for that he hoped it would work to help him get some sleep. Eventually, it did, and he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took some time and I'll be checking in on it over the next week for edits.
> 
> Comments and feedback very much appreciated! <3


	12. Support

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update time woo. I again apologize for being crap at sticking to my own schedule, but here we are. I really hope you all enjoy the chapter, it was a hard one for me to write as it's odd in its flow, dialogue heavy and a bit dramatic. At least it attempts to be.
> 
> Disclaimer: Characterizations of real people, not actually the real people. I'm sure Suho's parents are actually lovely, but they're not in this story.
> 
> I know it's no longer the 12th in many places, but it still is here in CA, so I cast another happy birthday to Sehun out into the interwebs. <3 
> 
>   
> One day I hope to be as cool as Suho.

The light coming in through the windows was so bright that Junmyeon had to strain his eyes to make out anything in the room as he woke. He turned his head to the side, somewhat buffering against the light, to check the time. 

It was nearly 9AM, about a half hour before breakfast would arrive, which would then be closely followed by Dr. Kang's visit. 

Sehun lay beside him, still fast asleep and clinging to him. This was the fourth night in a row they had shared the small hospital bed. He still wasn't exactly sure how it had happened, they hadn't made an explicit decision that this would be the new status quo when he had initially offered his bed to the younger. The second and third night Sehun had had another nightmare and had joined him, then last night they had fallen asleep while watching a movie sat on the bed together. 

It was probably more his own fault than he cared to admit. They had sat and watched movies together in his bed numerous times before Sehun eventually left to return to his chair for the night, but Junmyeon had just.. wanted him to stay. He'd learned beforehand from Sehun that he hadn't had any nightmares while sharing the bed with him, which certainly added to that desire, but he personally felt better with him there. Safer. 

So, when the movie had been coming to a close and he felt his exhaustion begin to set in, Junmyeon had simply cuddled into him and fell asleep. Sehun could have left if he wanted to, but he hadn't. 

He looked down at the younger again, still nuzzled and peacefully unaware against his side.. After Junmyeon had realized he was gay as a teen, he’d never allowed himself to develop feelings for another man and had instead focused fully on his career, but it was becoming harder and harder to deny that that's what was happening with Sehun. He wasn't entirely familiar with the suite of emotions that came with it, but what he did know was that he wanted to be with Sehun, talk with him constantly. The younger made him laugh, feel better when he was anxious. The most troubling, though, were the thoughts of intimacy beyond what was appropriate with a friend. Those scared the hell out of him. It all did.

He winced, probably not wise to think on that when Sehun was pressed so firmly up against him. He should wake him up, it felt wrong to have these thoughts when he was so vulnerable next to him. Besides, the nurses would be in soon. 

“Sehun.” He breathed, shaking gently at his shoulder.

The younger groaned.

“Sehun.” Junmyeon insisted, letting his hand trail down his arm to shake again. That was a mistake- he was now reminded of the smoothness of Sehun’s skin and the fine definition of his musculature.

_Can I not control my own damn thoughts?_

He was becoming a bit flustered, so he distanced himself further from Sehun before making another attempt to wake him. 

“No. Let me sleep.” Sehun grumbled. He pulled Junmyeon closer, seemingly displeased he had moved away, and settled back in to continue sleeping.

Junmyeon’s heart skipped a beat, but he resisted the urge to reciprocate the contact. “Sehun.. breakfast will be here soon. You need to get up.”

Sehun rolled over onto his back with an exaggerated sigh, and opened his eyes to look at him. “What time is it?”

“Just past 9.” 

“I can't just stay until they get here?” Sehun inquired blankly, causing Junmyeon's stomach to knot. 

“I- no, you.. I don't want them to think..” He trailed off, not entirely sure where he was going with that sentence. Sehun gave him a grim look, seemingly having an idea as to what he meant, and wordlessly removed himself from the bed. The knot in Junmyeon's stomach twisted. 

“Don't want them to see us sharing the bed? Since when has that bothered you?” Sehun asked, non-combative in tone but still triggering Junmyeon’s defenses. 

“Since it posed a threat to my career.” He rebutted. His tone was angrier than he intended, but he hoped it would prevent Sehun from asking further questions. Despite knowing it was irrational, it terrified him that Sehun might pick up on the fact he was falling for him, and that _that_ was more so his primary concern. 

Sehun swallowed, expression growing darker as he nodded. Junmyeon eyed him as he pulled out his phone to distract himself, and he decided to do the same thing. They sat in that awkward silence until their breakfast arrived, and they opted to watch something on the television instead of sitting together on the bed while they ate. 

He felt a bit guilty, but ultimately decided some distance was for the best. Sehun didn’t understand the way he was feeling, and Junmyeon wasn’t about to tell him and ruin their friendship. He was still hoping this infatuation was all just a result of his stress and their present close proximity, and that things would return to normal after he was out of hospital.

When it was nearing 10:30, Sehun tidied up his area, gathered a few of his things and left the room. Junmyeon understood it was to give him privacy for his doctor's meeting, but it still left him with a sinking feeling. 

Dr. Kang entered not too long after, greeting him cheerfully as she pulled up her stool to sit by him. “How are you feeling?”

He paused, adjusting his position somewhat before answering. “I'm alright, I've been able to move around a lot more without much pain.” 

“That's great! I take it then that you're following the physical therapy?”

He nodded, and she proceeded to ask a few more technical questions, recording his answers diligently in her paperwork. 

Then his least favorite question came. “How is the refeeding going?” 

“I.. It’s fine. It’s driving me a little crazy not knowing how much weight I’m gaining, but I’m trying to ignore it.”

“I understand, and we do urge you to continue to not weigh yourself even after you leave.”

“I’m scared I won’t be able to help myself.” He admitted, looking down to his lap.

She gave him a sympathetic smile. “Well, you’ve kept yourself on track with this refeeding program of your own volition, I’m positive you can continue to do so even when you return home. You’re still on track to be recommended for release in a week’s time.”

Junmyeon nodded, forcing himself to smile. He’d tried to mentally stick with the narrative that he was being held in hospital, forced to do the refeeding program as it made it all easier to accept, but it was true that it was ultimately up to him. He hoped he’d be able to continue on his own.. but he was ultimately more scared than hopeful.

“How are you feeling about that?” She asked, seemingly sensing his worry.

“I.. I don’t know if I can. It’s easier when it's organized for me, I don't have to think about it. I just have to.. eat it.”

She nodded. “That is a common concern, and part of how we'll be structuring your outpatient treatment.”

They continued discussing a few more points related to his recovery, including how they would soon be establishing a plan for how to conduct outpatient care for him and how to meal plan at home. He had realized much earlier on that a significant reason behind how well he’d been handling the refeeding was due to the ease of others coordinating his food for him, and he wasn’t yet sure he’d be able to coordinate anywhere near as well at home. Despite her reassurances that they would make it work, Junmyeon couldn't shake his worry. It was all too comfortable for him under this amount of stress to go back to his familiar, harmful ways. 

Junmyeon knew he'd need support, and while Dr. Kang seemed very motivated to offer it to him, he knew he'd need somebody closer to him, with him on a daily basis. Sehun was the obvious candidate, but it was becoming less of a sensible idea to continue to lean on him.. especially given these feelings that likely developed as a result of doing just that.

“Alright, I’ll see you in a couple days then.” Dr. Kang told him with a nod of the head, cutting through his train of thought as she packed up to leave. 

Junmyeon smiled after her as she departed, and found he felt a bit lost as he took in the now empty room. Between the stress of the attack, his new feelings for Sehun, and his refeeding, it was beginning to feel like some external force had it out for him. 

He knew that this wasn't the case, and that he bore some responsibility in at least two of the three of those circumstances, but he was finding that hard to accept. Eventually he'd have to, but right now he was too overwhelmed. 

Speaking of overwhelming, Sehun reentered the room. His hair looked freshly washed and blown dry, and his skin was dewy. 

Junmyeon swallowed at the sight of him. “Did you go to the showers?”

Sehun nodded, offering a small smile as he crossed over to him. He didn't route around the bed to go to his chair like Junmyeon thought he would, instead standing at the side of the hospital bed. 

“Can I sit?”

Junmyeon swallowed again, unsure of where all this saliva was suddenly coming from. He knew he should say no, continue at least attempting to put a distance between them now that he better understood his feelings, but he found it easier thought than done. 

“Sure.” He breathed, staring up at the younger for some time before realizing he ought to scoot over to make more room for him. 

Sehun smiled awkwardly before sitting down in that newly empty space, their sides lining up together. 

“I'm sorry about earlier.” He said after a moment had passed, and Junmyeon tilted to face him.

“Don't worry about it.” He exhaled. “I know we're normally close.. I just, after what the lawyers said..” _and the fact that I have feelings for you_ “.. I just worry that people might get the wrong idea.. about me.”

“I understand.” Sehun nodded. “Are you going to stop with the fanservice? I don't think SM will let you.”

Junmyeon sighed, dropping his head to his chest. “I hadn't even thought of that. And we have a tour coming up.” He groaned. 

Sehun winced. “Sorry.” He said before his eyes widened with what looked like an idea. “Don't worry, I'll just act way more gay than you ever could with the rest of the guys. They'll never suspect anything of you if I'm the one busy grabbing everybody's asses.” 

Sehun was grinning cheekily, but something about the idea of him grabbing their co-members’ asses upset Junmyeon. _Oh god._ He groaned internally. _Am I jealous? Of something that's not even real?_

He forced himself to smile. Sehun was right, that kind of behavior wasn't anything they'd be able to drop anytime soon. 

“Sure. Let's see how Chanyeol reacts to that.” Junmyeon mused, eliciting a loud laugh from Sehun. 

“Oh, I'll make him like it.”

Junmyeon cringed around a laugh of his own. “Good luck with that.”

Sehun gave him another, more genuine smile, and when Junmyeon felt his breath catch he wondered if he actually was going insane. He wasn’t sure how he hadn’t developed feelings for him sooner, but was also terrified that he apparently finally had. If he couldn’t snap out of it he might have effectively ruined their friendship. 

Sehun must have noticed his change in mood, because he took on a more serious tone. “I do think if you just.. continue to be yourself it won’t be a problem.”

Junmyeon nodded. “I hope so.” 

Sehun changed the subject, which Junmyeon appreciated, and they went on to discuss the upcoming tour, album and other, arguably less productive subject matters. He eventually lost track of time, and they had transitioned to laying partially on their sides to better face each other as they spoke when a knock came at the hospital room door.

“Mr. Kim?” The nurse inquired as she cracked the door open, seemingly unphased by their positioning on his bed, which did serve to reassure him somewhat. “Something came in the post for you.” 

Junmyeon's brow scrunched in confusion at the news. _Who would send me mail here?_

He pulled himself up slightly to accept the delivery, and smiled back at the nurse when she announced her departure. 

Finally looking down at the letter, he felt nausea sweep over him as he read the return address. 

“It's from my parents.” He choked out, hands beginning to shake a bit as he continued to hold the envelope in front of him, now positioning it a bit further away from himself, as if it might attack him if it got too close. 

Sehun's eyes widened, concern etched into his features. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No.. you can stay.”

The younger nodded as Junmyeon tore carefully at the letter, hesitating once again when he had successfully opened the tightly glued seal. It had been nagging at him the past two weeks that his family had yet to visit, and while it had been somewhat easy to ignore it in light of more pressing matters, the letter threw it right in his face. _Why had they sent a letter? They couldn’t take one day to visit in person? Or send a text?_

If he really thought about it he could imagine why they had done this. They likely preferred to keep the interaction as minimal as possible, an in person visit would be the exact opposite, and a text would encourage a response. A letter was detached and un-interactive. Typical.

Using that bit of anger as motivation, he pulled the card out from its envelope. The front of it was decorated with a simple cartoon, and a “get well soon” in large, gawdy script towards the center.

He finally brought himself to open it, and found a brief message written in his mother's handwriting. 

“ _Son,_

_We are very sorry to hear about your accident, and that we are unable to visit. Please keep us updated with how your health is doing._

_Hopefully you will be able to return to work soon. Don’t get fat again laying around in hospital!_

_-Mother_ ”

The blood drained from his face.

If his hands were shaking before they were trembling now. It was like a switch had flipped, reading her words, and panic was flooding his system. 

He remained quiet for some time, terrified that if he opened his mouth nothing but angry words or sobs would follow. It was obvious to him he was rolling downhill towards an anxiety attack, but he had no idea how to stop himself.

“..Junmyeon?” A voice from his side came, his mind so muggy it took him a moment to remember it was Sehun.

He turned cautiously to look at him, thankful that when he did it brought him back to reality somewhat. It cleared a bit of the fog, but did nothing to quell the overwhelming feeling of panic.

“I don’t think.. I don’t think I can do this anymore.” He found himself saying, his hands finally dropping to his lap, the card falling out from his fingers. 

He realized Sehun must have said something like ‘Do what?’ or ‘What do you mean?’ to this statement, but he wasn’t exactly listening. 

“They couldn’t come here themselves? That-” he pointed to the ground where the letter now lay “is what I get?” 

Sehun didn’t say anything, just looked at him with concern, so he continued.

“I understand why they wouldn’t be told I was attacked, but to not come at all?” He questioned, his voice trembling more with each word. “And to say… say _that_ to me?” He couldn’t even begin to process the last two sentences of her note, let alone say them out loud.

 _Don’t get fat again laying around in hospital?_ It had been so long since he’d seen his mother that he’d almost forgotten her mannerisms, constant commentary about weight being one of them. Forgotten or subconsciously blocked out, he wasn’t sure. 

It wasn’t that that behavior was unique to just his mother, he understood discussion of weight was no taboo, it was common within families and he was surrounded by it in his choice of career. It was different, though.. the way it came from her. The way it was constantly used to shift guilt onto him, even when what he needed was support. 

His fear of weight gain amplified, and he now questioned his logic in actually consuming his breakfast the way he had just hours prior. There was no way he could stomach eating lunch now. He wasn't sure when he'd feel comfortable eating again. 

It was like every ounce of hope he had for recovery was slipping away from him fast, and he was in no position to chase after it. He was anxious, terrified, and completely angry.

"Are you okay?" Sehun asked, voice just above a whisper.

"No." He near blurted. "How could I be okay? I'm sitting here stuffing my face, gaining weight and doing nothing productive."

"You don't always have to be productive, you need this time for yourself."

"Easy for you to say, you didn't have to work for over a month."

That caused a noticeable twinge in the younger's expression. "I.. I don't think it's bad for you to focus on yourself when you're injured and need to heal." Sehun elaborated, entirely ignoring Junmyeon's pointed comment. 

"No, but it's bad if it makes me _fat._ " 

“Junmyeon.. don't..” 

“Don't what?” Junmyeon snapped. “Don't what, Sehun?”

The younger’s lower lip dropped, clearly surprised by his tone but still determined to continue. “Don't let what they said get to you.. They don't understand-”

Junmyeon cut him off. “What would you know about letting things your parents say get to you? Your parents have just been telling you you're gorgeous your whole life.” He spat, near uncontrollably as the words fell from his lips. He knew he'd regret those words later, but he couldn't find it in himself to care right now. Like his only defense was to push Sehun away. 

The younger stared at him in shock. “I'm sorry? What do _I_ know? You know perfectly well what I know about it.”

Junmyeon did, but he had already pushed it from his mind. “I think you should go.”

Sehun's shock turned to hurt, and while that did finally make him care, it only served to make him want to push the younger away all the more. 

“I want to be alone.” He told him, forcing his expression to remain cold.

Sehun swallowed. “For how long?”

“I.. I don't know. I'll text you.”

He nodded, removing himself wordlessly from the bed just as he had earlier that morning. It didn't take him long to pack his things, and then he was gone, leaving Junmyeon alone with his thoughts. 

\--

Sehun paced around the main lobby, grabbing another disposable face-mask before finally opting to go outside for some fresh air. He needed to clear his mind. The parking lot was somewhat familiar to him at this point, he’d taken to doing laps around it on occasion when he couldn’t find another way to get some physical activity in. He might need to find a way back to the dorm soon if Junmyeon didn’t want him there anymore, but for now this would do.

He felt.. angry. Angry that Junmyeon was clearly taking out his anger on him, but mostly angry at what his parents had done. Regardless of if this reaction in Junmyeon was their intention or not, it was clear they had set an awful foundation if this is how a statement like that made him feel. 

He also felt himself at a loss. He wondered if it had been wrong of him to make any sort of suggestion, but he realized it didn’t help him much to dwell on that. What he should be thinking about is how to support Junmyeon moving forward, if he wanted him to return, that is. 

Once again, he found himself thinking of his sister. He’d considered calling her numerous times over the entirety of Junmyeon’s hospital stay, but each time he stopped himself with concern over where or how to start. Suddenly it felt like that didn’t matter.

He pulled out his phone and began typing out a message to Seongmi. 

_You available to call?_ He hit send without much hesitation, and returned his focus to navigating idly around the parking lot as he awaited a response. He wasn’t sure he’d get one, it was nearing noon on a weekday.

Thankfully, his phone buzzed after only a few minutes had passed. _Yeah.. what’s up? Is something wrong?_

Opting to call instead of respond via text first, she answered very quickly. “Sehun-ah, you okay?”

“Yeah, don’t worry, it’s not an emergency. I just wanted your advice.”

“Oh, calling on wise nuna only when you want something from me, hmm?” She asked, the smirk obvious in her voice. 

He laughed, finally feeling a bit of relief. “I’m sorry, I know I should call more.”

“You should, I miss you. I’ll see you soon for Seollal, though, right?” 

“I miss you too, and of course you’ll see me then.”

“Okay, just checking, you’re mister busy popstar after all.”

He smiled again, it really had been too long since they’d last spoken.

“So what would you like to talk about?”

He paused, not entirely sure how to articulate this, but figured if he just started speaking he’d find his way. “Um.. my friend.. my friend is in inpatient treatment for the same reason you were.”

“Oh.”

She paused as well, and he waited.

“I see.. Is she okay?”

He shouldn’t be surprised that Seongmi had surmised his friend was a female given the trend for the disorder, but it still took him a moment to process. He decided it did actually feel safer, both for the sake of Junmyeon's privacy and his own personal involvement, to go with that narrative for now. 

“Um.. she’s.. she’s been doing well these past couple of weeks, eating according to the refeeding plan and everything without much problem.”

Seongmi paused. “How do you know that?”

“I’ve been staying at the hospital.. with her.”

“Sehun, what kind of friend is this? Are you dating her?”

He felt his cheeks grow hot at the question. “I- no, we’re not dating.”

“But you have feelings for her.”

“I- why would you assume that?” 

“I don’t know, just seems like you would if you’re staying there with her. I know how dreadfully boring a hospital can be, you’d have to really care.”

“I do.”

“You do have feelings or you do care?”

“I.. both.” He admitted. 

While he acknowledged that saying as much might be foolish, it felt like a weight off his chest having done so, even if the reality of it was somewhat detached from their discussion of a nonexistent female friend.

“Good.. What’s she like? When can I meet her and deem her worthy of you or not?” 

Sehun groaned. “Nuna, that’s not why I called.”

“Right, right. Sorry.. I know I’m avoiding the discussion.”

He hummed in agreement, she did that a lot. She’d been long recovered but they never really discussed it, almost treated it like it had never even happened.

“Today she got a letter from her parents, and it- it set her off. She was just so.. upset, like h- she didn’t care about recovery anymore. She kicked me out.”

Seongmi paused, and Sehun wondered if she'd caught his slip-up or if something in what he’d said had affected her. While he was deciding whether or not to say something to distract from it, she spoke up. 

“I mean, we don’t have to get into specifics, but if she’s anything like me she’ll need some time. It’s likely her parents are some sort of trigger for her, or something they said was.” 

Sehun felt that anger return, not too hard for him to imagine what out of that offensively short letter could be the culprit. 

“She might have said something mean to you, pushed you away.. And I know it could be different from how I dealt with it, but don’t leave her just yet, okay? Having support from mom and dad and you is how I got through it.”

“I.. but what if she doesn’t want me there anymore?”

“Don’t force it, but let her know you’re there for her if and whenever she needs you again.”

He nodded, vocalizing his agreement when he remembered he was on the phone. While the idea of no longer being involved did hurt, he knew she was right that it would be wrong to force his presence. 

The conversation proceeded to shift between further discussion of his experience in the hospital with Junmyeon and simple catching up on each other’s lives. He only realized how long they’d been on call when his stomach started to growl. 

“Nuna, I’m hungry.”

“Is that how you let me off nicely?”

“I’m serious.”

She laughed, making him smile again. “Okay, okay. Go eat. Keep me updated on how things go.”

“I will.” 

They exchanged goodbyes, and he hung up the phone, somewhat sad to be on his own again. He felt guilty that he had likely missed lunch with Junmyeon, but between his being kicked out and not having received a text from the leader yet, he realized he probably wouldn’t have been welcome anyways. Pushing the grief that gave him out of his mind for the time being, he walked back towards to hospital, focusing on the simple task of finding something for himself to eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do they refer to it as fanservice? I don't know, I just know they do it. Evil bastards.
> 
> This will likely be tweaked over the next week or so. *added a decent amount to the fight 
> 
> Comments and feedback always appreciated. <3
> 
> Personal note and question: I am a full time grad student, work 2 jobs, and just recently started classes again to finish my MS. I only say this to let you all know that my spottiness in updating isn't from lack of motivation, but from lack of time. This is always my concern when I read a fanfic (fear that it won't get finished), so I just want to reiterate that that won't happen. This is the only hobby I've managed to keep alive!
> 
> I am curious, though, do people prefer set, weekly update times (like every Friday) or uploads on a weekly, semi-weekly basis whenever the chapter is done (likely of higher quality)? I can understand the pros/cons of either, just want to know what people usually like.


	13. Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy this one!
> 
> As of now I've decided to go with a Friday/Saturday upload date per week, gives me a bit more flexibility while keeping the structure. Thank you all for the feedback!
> 
>   
> ._.

Junmyeon's stomach growled. 

He hadn't been able to touch his lunch when it had arrived, but he couldn't say he'd really tried. His unwavering anxiety and upset were holding him hostage. 

The nurses had insisted he eat when they came in to check on him, not letting up until he told them he was feeling nauseated. It wasn't exactly a lie. They’d given him one last concerned look before removing the lunch tray from his room.

Now, though, he was paying the price. He cringed when another hunger pang hit him. It seemed over the last two weeks of proper eating he'd forgotten how awful his physical response to being hungry was. He knew if he didn't eat for long enough the feeling would dwindle, his primary tactic when he was restricting, but for whatever reason he didn't feel as inclined to do so now. 

The pain only added to his anxiety, and he found himself regretting not having eaten. It was a different feeling. While he couldn’t say he ever enjoyed hunger pangs, they had often in the past been a reassuring reminder that he was successfully avoiding food. Now he was just left wishing he had eaten.

It made him feel a bit nervous, this change in how he felt, but it didn’t come as a surprise. He’d been steadily feeling less and less nervous around food, and more and more concerned with his health while inpatient. He knew part of the reason why was the major wake-up call from his medical condition, but he also knew Sehun’s support had been integral in making him more comfortable with the change.

Junmyeon felt guilty. He’d said horrible things to Sehun with no forethought just because of how his parents had treated him. It was easy for him to lay out exactly why he’d had such a visceral reaction to that letter, but the sudden need to push Sehun away was new. Junmyeon wasn’t entirely sure if he was ready to unpack that yet or not, but he knew he wanted to undo it. He was in pain and lonely without Sehun there, and he dreaded the idea that what he’d said might mean he wouldn’t come back. Junmyeon let his head drop to his chest as he contemplated how he might begin to apologize to the younger. 

_Texting him would be a good start._

He grabbed his phone from the side table and mulled over exactly what to say to him.

_‘I’m really sorry, I’m an idiot, please come back.’_

_‘I’m so sorry, I really miss you.’_

_‘I’m sorry. Come back.’_

He sent none of those, groaning at his apparent inability to formulate a simple text message. He took in a deep breath, and once again attempted to type something reasonable out. 

He settled on- _Are you still at the hospital?_

Sehun responded only a few seconds after he’d hit send. _Yeah, I’m at the cafeteria._

Junmyeon’s stomach was still twisted, both from hunger and nerves, but it was somewhat of a relief that Sehun’s immediate reaction hadn’t been to return to the dorms. 

_Could you come back when you’re able to?_

_I’ll head over now._

There was more relief, but it was followed by more nerves when he realized he’d have to put some sort of coherent apology together once he arrived. Which would be soon. 

He was right, and it wasn’t long before he heard a light knock at the door. Junmyeon called him in, and Sehun opened and stepped in and around the door cautiously. He paused when fully in the room and looked at him, as if wordlessly asking Junmyeon what he should do.

“I’m sorry about what I said.” Junmyeon blurted, figuring it would be easier to get it over with. “I shouldn’t.. I was.. I was out of place and shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you. I didn’t mean what I said.” 

Sehun looked down at his feet, shifting his weight from one leg to the other, visibly processing Junmyeon’s apology. “Swear you didn’t mean it?” He asked, pouting as he looked back up at him.

Junmyeon risked a small smile. “I swear.” 

“It’s okay, then.” He said, smiling back before his expression softened out once again. “I’m sorry about your parents.”

“I’ll get over it.” Junmyeon promised, both to Sehun and to himself. “..So you’ll stay?”

Before Sehun could answer, his phone rang loudly, interrupting them. The younger pulled it out from his pocket. “It’s manager-hyung.” He told Junmyeon before silencing the call. 

“You’re not gonna answer?” 

“No, it can wait.” 

Junmyeon felt that familiar flush in his core. Sehun wasn’t ever known to be very obedient, always silently skirting around things to test the limits of what he could get away with, and despite Junmyeon being the exact opposite, it made him feel special when Sehun did it for him. 

Then, Sehun’s phone rang again.

“Is it still manager-hyung?” Junmyeon asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Sehun checked. “Yeah.”

“You need to answer it. They wouldn’t call back right after if it wasn’t important.”

Sehun looked at him like he doubted that, but he did as he was told and answered the phone. He didn’t say much, but Junmyeon’s curiosity peaked when he heard a “Really? Now?” and a “It has to be me? Why?”

The younger seemed to back down the longer the call went on, relenting with a defeated “Alright, bye.” before ending the call. 

Junmyeon shifted forward slightly. “What was that about?”

“They’re apparently almost here to get me for a last minute ad shoot with Minseok-hyung tonight. He wouldn’t tell me why it had to be me but apparently it does.” 

“Oh.” Junmyeon breathed. Last minute shoots and commercials weren’t unheard of, even SM could acknowledge it was better to be prepared for these sorts of things, but with their high demand they occasionally slipped through.

“I’ll get one of the other guys to come keep you company while I’m gone, alright?” 

“O- Okay.. Did they say when you’d be done?”

“It sounded like it’s just tonight, so hopefully not too late. I’ll let you know.”

Junmyeon nodded, forcing a smile despite his upset at Sehun leaving. He felt a bit ridiculous for feeling so strongly about it, Sehun had been with him 24/7 for two weeks, but he could acknowledge he was particularly sensitive right now.

“What is the ad for?” 

Sehun’s lip quirked on one side. “I actually don’t know.. didn’t think to ask. It’s the same deal everytime, though, isn’t it? Stand there and look pretty while they take pictures.” 

Junmyeon chuckled. “True.. and you’re good at looking pretty.” 

He wasn’t sure what had possessed him to say as much, and he was suddenly bombarded with nervous thoughts of how the younger would interpret his words, but when Sehun smiled cheekily at him he forgot all that. 

“Yeah?” Sehun questioned, still smiling.

Junmyeon swallowed. “Yeah.”

They were once again interrupted, but this time by a knock at the door. “Mr. Oh? There’s a driver here for you.” The nurse told them, standing in the now partially open doorway.

“Okay, thank you.” Sehun responded with a smile, turning to Junmyeon as he made his way to the door. “I’ll talk to you later then?” 

Junmyeon nodded, forcing another smile and lifting a hand to wave goodbye as the younger departed. 

\--

The buildings and streets blurred together as they drove past them. Sehun’s elbow was propped against the door, his chin planted in his palm as he looked out the window, attempting to parse out details in the scenery to distract from his annoyed state. 

They’d only sent a driver and some security to meet him and bring him back to the dorms, so he hadn’t been able to learn any new information about the shoot. They did tell him he would be meeting with Minseok when they arrived.. hopefully he knew something more about it.

Eventually he began to recognize the buildings they were passing and the streets they were driving on, and it wasn’t long before they were pulling into the parking garage that lead to the dorms. 

When they made to exit to retrieve Minseok, Sehun stopped them, saying he'd go do it. He needed to ask the guys who was free to spend the evening with Junmyeon. 

He ran up quickly, opting to take the stairs instead of the elevator to remain on the move. He keyed in the code when he reached the main door, and swung it open after it beeped to confirm entry. 

“Sehun!” Jongdae squealed from where he was standing, leaned over the back of the couch where Minseok was seated facing him. 

Sehun smiled at him, taking a second to catch his breath and process who was present in the main living space. He counted Jongdae, Minseok, Baekhyun and Chanyeol were in the kitchen, along with Jongin. “Hey, hyungs.” He responded before turning his gaze back to Minseok. “Are you ready to go?”

Minseok nodded. “Yeah, I’ll go grab my bag.” 

Sehun nodded and stepped further into the room, calling to the guys in an attempt to get everybody present’s attention. “Are any of you free to hang out with Junmyeon-hyung instead of me tonight?” 

There was a pause as everybody tried to recall their schedules for the evening, and Sehun took the moment to strain and see if anybody else was home. 

“I can’t, I have training tonight.” Jongin told him, frowning. “I’m sorry.”

“I can.” Chanyeol added.

He was far enough away from Sehun and said it quietly enough that he wondered if he could get away with pretending to not have heard it. It was rude, but he didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of sending Chanyeol over to Junmyeon as a substitute.. especially when he’d already had such a hard day. “That’s okay, Jongin. Is anybody else free?”

Jongdae and Baekhyun both responded in the negative, and Chanyeol followed their responses with another, somewhat louder. “I can, I’m free tonight.” 

Sehun resisted a sigh as he reluctantly turned his attention to Chanyeol. “Junmyeon doesn’t need anybody bagging on him right now. He’s still healing and his parents are dicks and… I don’t feel _comfortable_ sending somebody who is going to tease him or make him feel bad about himself. ” He informed, his tone completely disrespectful, but he couldn’t bring himself care. He was at least sure it got the message across.

Chanyeol’s face and lower lip dropped at the younger’s insinuation, and to Sehun’s surprise, he looked more hurt than angry. He stood a bit straighter and pulled the corners of his lips back as he visibly attempted to recompose himself to respond to the younger. 

“I’m sorry, I know I should apologize to him and I will, but I’m sorry. I won’t.. I’ll be.. I’ll be good.” Chanyeol finished, and Sehun noticed a slight smirk at his choice of words from Baekhyun. 

Sehun crossed his arms over his chest. “You will?” 

“Yes.” 

Deciding to not immediately respond, Sehun looked around the room at the other members, wordlessly asking if this was believable. 

Baekhyun was the first to come forward. “He’s been nicer to me recently.” He said and paused, earning a glance Sehun didn’t entirely understand from Chanyeol. “Besides, it’s not like he’s some monster who would put down a guy in the hospital.”

“Alright, alright. Just know if you do I’ll hear about it and come down on you.” He warned, only half-jokingly with a finger pointed at Chanyeol, who nodded to convey his understanding. 

By this time, Minseok had returned, and he cleared his throat to get Sehun’s attention. “Should we get going?” 

“Yeah, let’s go.” He responded, then turned back to Chanyeol. “I’ll text Junmyeon to let him know you’re heading over, yeah?” 

Chanyeol nodded again, and Sehun and Minseok made to leave, stopping to say a quick round of goodbyes before exiting the dorm. 

“You ever talk to me like that and I’ll whup you upside the head.” Minseok told him with a smirk as they walked back towards the garage together. 

“I don’t think I’d ever feel the need to talk to you like that.” Sehun mused, falling into step with the older. “He was really rude to him for a while and I just.. honestly, I’m still a bit worried about it.”

“Well, hopefully Chanyeol is being honest that he’ll be good.” 

“Hopefully.” 

They arrived at the garage and quickly loaded themselves into the car once again. The driver told them it would be about an hour-long drive, so they both attempted to make themselves comfortable in the back of the SUV. 

Sehun pulled out his phone to text (or warn) Junmyeon. _Chanyeol is coming to join you for the evening. I talked with him and he said he’d be good.. let me know if he isn’t._

It wasn’t long before he got a response from the leader. _Oh, okay. Well, this will be interesting._

_Hopefully in a good way. Again, if he’s a dick tell me, I’ll come down on him like a tornado._

_One could say a.. Sehunado._

Sehun laughed audibly. _Yes._

“What’s so funny?” Minseok asked, peering over from his own phone.

“Oh, ah. Junmyeon called me a Sehunado. You know.. like a tornado, but Sehunado.” He explained, laughing once again.

Minseok raised his brow in amusement. “That’s stupid.”

Sehun shrugged. “I liked it.” 

He continued texting with Junmyeon for some time, but partway through the drive the leader informed him that Chanyeol had arrived at the hospital. They finished their conversation with Sehun reminding him to let him know if things didn’t go well, and Junmyeon said he would.

Sehun turned to look over at Minseok, who was scrolling through something idly on his phone. “Do you know what we’re shooting for?” 

“Some new cosmetics line? I don’t actually know either, they just told me about it today.” 

“Same. Annoying.” 

They paused, and Minseok put his phone away before turning back to Sehun. “How is Junmyeon doing?” 

“He’s alright, his recovery is going pretty well. He’s been able to move around a lot more and isn’t in as much pain.”

“I’m glad to hear that.. And how are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

Minseok gave him a look. “You know what I mean. You’re usually off on some ridiculous adventure whenever we’re on break, but instead you’re spending all your time with Junmyeon in a hospital room. Come to think of it, he’s usually so busy, he must be the one going crazy in there.”

Sehun understood Minseok’s line of logic, but he wasn’t sure how to articulate just how easy it had actually been to spend the last two weeks cooped up with Junmyeon in the hospital. Explaining it successfully would likely necessitate some level of divulging his feelings for the leader, and he definitely couldn’t do that. 

“It really hasn’t been that bad. Junmyeon and I find stuff to do.. It’s been fine.” He attempted. “For me, at least. Junmyeon is probably having a harder time, considering he’s not in there by choice.”

“You said something about his parents?”

Sehun’s cheeks flushed, regretting having mentioned that. It wasn’t that they all didn’t have a general idea of what Junmyeon’s parents were like, but Sehun wasn’t prepared to explain exactly what had happened. 

“Yeah.. um.. They haven’t visited. This morning Junmyeon just got a stupid little card from them, it really upset him.” 

“After two whole weeks?” Minseok asked incredulously, prompting a nod of confirmation from Sehun. “They’re worse than I thought.. Though, I think I’ve only met them the once..” Minseok frowned. “Well, at least he has you.”

Sehun’s cheeks flushed all over again. “Yeah.” He managed to squeak out, and awkwardly returned his attention to his phone. He normally would have reacted to a statement like that haughtily, probably with some silly comment about Junmyeon being the luckiest guy in the world, but his feelings for him were making that kind of response impossible.

Minseok seemed to notice his uncharacteristic silence, but thankfully didn’t press, and returned his attention to his phone as well. 

It wasn’t much longer before they arrived on location for the shoot, and they left the car and made their way in to get started.

\--

“Hey.” Junmyeon said, looking over at Chanyeol who was standing awkwardly in the doorway.

“Hey.” Chanyeol responded, moving in a bit more to shut the door behind him. “How are you doing?” 

“I’m alright.. You?”

“Fine.” Chanyeol looked around the room, eyes settling finally on the reclining chair that Sehun typically occupied. “Is it alright if I sit there?” 

Junmyeon wasn’t sure he could remember the last time Chanyeol had been so polite to him, and while he was still skeptical, he couldn’t say he minded the change. “Yeah, go ahead.” 

Chanyeol took the seat readily, and they sat together in a long, uncomfortable silence before he spoke up again. 

“Look, um.. I wanted to say that I’m sorry about the way I’ve acted with you.. before. I was out of line.”

Junmyeon raised a brow, not entirely ready to bend just yet. “Yeah, you were.”

“Right.” Chanyeol let out, pursing his lips. “So I um, just want to let you know that it won’t be like that anymore. It’s no excuse but I’ve been going through some.. stuff.. recently and I’ve been taking out how I feel on everybody around me.”

Junmyeon winced, relating more than he’d like to that statement. He couldn’t help but empathize more with Chanyeol when he thought about having done the exact same to Sehun just that morning. 

Chanyeol shrugged. “Besides, I mean, I’ve had my own problems with dieting, it was really low of me to get on you about it.”

Junmyeon went rigid. “Did somebody say something to you?” He questioned, not wanting to believe that Sehun would’ve told anybody else, particularly Chanyeol, about his disorder. Sehun was the only one who could as he was the only one who knew.

“I.. no. You’re looking a lot better now, but for a minute there you looked so.. thin. I just assumed you were on some sort of diet.”

Junmyeon half-breathed a sigh of relief that Sehun hadn’t said anything, but it was halted by the information that his struggles in eating had been at least somewhat obvious to more than just him. 

“You’ve had problems dieting too?” He asked, hesitantly curious.

“Yeah.” Chanyeol breathed, running a hand through his hair. “I mean, it has always been a bit easier for me to stay slim, but the pressure would still get to me. I can't think of a fad diet I haven't tried.” He let out with an exasperated laugh. “Recently I’ve been trying to put on more muscle, makes eating more a lot easier."

“Yeah?” Junmyeon sat up further and crossed his legs in front of him. “Maybe I’ll start doing that.. whenever the hell I can move my arms above my head without it hurting again.”

Chanyeol smiled, and proceeded to ask him more about how he was healing. They talked for some time, until they eventually decided to put on a drama Chanyeol insisted he “absolutely needed” to see. 

He’d been a bit put off by his dinner when it arrived, but he was able to push past the anxiety and finish it. He felt markedly better after eating, no longer achey or mentally dulled out from hunger. 

Chanyeol stayed until it was nearing 10PM, he needed a decent amount of sleep for work the next morning and their drivers typically wouldn't work past 11. Junmyeon didn't mind as he usually went to sleep around that time, but it felt strange now, on his own. 

On his own without Sehun. 

He laid awake for an hour or so before he heard his phone buzz. It was Sehun.

_They won't drive me back to the hospital, they said it's too late for the drivers. I could take a cab?_

Junmyeon took in a breath before responding. As much as he wanted the younger there with him, it was technically prohibited for them to use public transport without notification, especially at this hour. _No, don't do that. Stay at the dorm tonight and I'll see you tomorrow, okay?_

It was a long moment before Sehun responded. _Alright, Junmyeon-hyung. I hope you sleep well._

_You too._

He knew he missed him. It felt ridiculous after only, not even half a day, apart.. but he missed him. Like it didn't feel right to sleep without him in the same room anymore. 

After goodness knows how long, in some sleep deprived delirium, he could recall sending Sehun another text. 

_I can't sleep without you._

\--

Sehun woke in a fog from yet another nightmare. That same nightmare. Junmyeon screaming and bleeding, helpless, while Sehun couldn't move nightmare.

He reached out to his side, reaching for Junmyeon to pull him close, Junmyeon who should be next to him. 

But he wasn't. 

That fog finally cleared, and he was now fully awake as he forced himself to sit up. Rubbing at his eyes, he paused to process the empty space around him. 

It was their dorm room, a familiar setting, but also unfamiliar without the leader sharing it with him. He was in Junmyeon's bed instead of his own, a decision he'd made when he found out he wouldn't be returning to the hospital for the night. Now he wasn't sure if that had been a good or bad idea. 

Sehun stood and crossed the space to their bathroom, leaning down slightly to splash some water from the sink into his face in the hopes it might calm him down some. It worked enough to even out his breathing, and he walked back into the bedroom in a somewhat more settled state. 

He picked up his phone to check the time. 3:00AM. Great. Upon second glance he found an unopened notification, and despite knowing it might take him significantly longer to fall back asleep if he actually engaged with his phone, he wasn't sure how successful he'd be in doing that anyways. 

It was a message from Junmyeon. He'd sent it at 1AM. 

_I can't sleep without you._

Sehun's eyes widened and his cheeks flushed. Unsure if he was reading the text correctly in his sleepy state, he strained his eyes and reread it a couple dozen times before he was sure.

That settled it. His mind was made up, he would take a cab to the hospital. He knew it was an SM regulation but he didn't really care at this point, his sleep, _their sleep_ , was important, right?

He shuffled to get dressed, ensuring he donned a facemask in the process and quietly exited the dormitory. He knew he couldn't call a cab too close to the headquarters, so he walked some distance away before doing so. 

Thankfully the driver didn't recognize him, and it wasn't long before they were pulling into the hospital parking lot. He tipped a generous but non-suspicious amount, and left the vehicle with a quiet thank you. 

He nearly ran his way into the building, avoiding the gaze of staff as he made for the elevators. He reached Junmyeon's floor, and half-heartedly composed himself as he walked out of the elevator into the lobby. 

“Ah, hello again, Mr. Oh.” The nurse at the front desk greeted him as he made his way towards the hall, seemingly unbothered by the hour at which he was arriving. 

Sehun returned the greeting before resuming his quick pace towards the leader’s room. He opened and closed the door as quietly as he could, tiptoeing his way across the room towards the empty recliner chair. He wanted to join Junmyeon on the hospital bed, but he appeared to be sleeping, and Sehun didn't want to risk waking him. 

He approached the chair and nearly jumped when he heard a throat clear softly behind him. 

“Where are you going?” Junmyeon asked, eyes droopy and lips pouted. 

Sehun stuttered, flustered by thoughts of how _goddamn adorable_ Junmyeon was, and decided to simply point at the chair in response. 

Junmyeon's brow furrowed, and he shook his head before pointing indignantly at the empty space on the mattress next to him. 

Sehun couldn't help but smile, and he certainly didn't need to be asked twice. He abandoned his route to the recliner and instead crossed over to the bed, slipping under the blankets and in with Junmyeon in seconds. 

The leader sighed contentedly, wrapping his warm arms around him and uninhibitedly pulling him in closer. Sehun let out a sigh of his own and sunk readily into the embrace, and fell asleep almost immediately thereafter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could use a Sehunado in my life right now.
> 
> Comments and feedback very much appreciated. <3


	14. Bath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy. <3 Thank you all again so much for the comments and the kudos.

“You ready?” Sehun looked to Junmyeon after hoisting his duffle bag over his shoulder. 

Junmyeon paused, looking around the hospital room one last time before returning his gaze to Sehun. They were officially leaving today to return to the dorms, and were on their way to make one last stop at the children’s library.

“Yeah.” He let out with a nod and reached to pick up his own bag before the younger beat him to it, nearly snatching the straps out of his fingers.

Junmyeon gave him a look. Walking and standing, like he was now without support, had become significantly easier in the past week. He was personally enjoying the progressive return to normalcy, and while Sehun was being as supportive as he could be, Junmyeon could tell the younger had since become a bit overly concerned at the possibility of him over-exerting himself physically. “I’m not gonna fall over if I carry it.” He assured.

“I know, but I don’t mind.” 

“You’ve been treating me like your pregnant wife.”

“Well, maybe if you didn’t act like such a mom..”

“That’s it, give me my bag back.” Junmyeon insisted, mostly joking, but doing his best to look threatening as he reached out for it.

“No, no. Let me do this for my hyung, it is respectful.” Sehun offered teasingly along with a slight bow, prompting an eye-roll from the older. “Or, let me do it so I can keep my big muscles.” Sehun attempted again, demonstrating an innovative weight-lifting technique with the two bags, one that he couldn’t keep up after only a few reps.

“Fine, fine.” Junmyeon surrendered with a laugh. “Looks like you could use it.”

Sehun scoffed, attempting to look offended for only a moment before his expression gave way to a smile. “C’mon, Youngjae is waiting on us.”

With a nod Junmyeon made his way to the door, pausing as he did a mental check to make sure they had everything. Remembering something, he reached out to grasp Sehun’s upper arm to halt him temporarily. “Do we have the Doraemon plushie?” He asked, still not letting go of Sehun’s arm. As much as mobility had become more comfortable for him in the past week, so had his comfort in initiating physical contact with the younger. Seemed he took absolutely every opportunity to touch him.. which would concern him if Sehun wasn’t seemingly doing the same.

He could probably unpack that last bit more, but he wasn’t even sure where to start. 

“Had it in my bag, here.” Sehun told him, handing him the small plushie before reaching to ruffle Junmyeon’s hair in an apparent attempt at quelling his worries. It only served to send shivers down his spine. “Don’t worry, we’ve got everything. You’ve already checked twice.”

Junmyeon nodded, and with one last sweep of his hand to smooth out Junmyeon’s hair, Sehun returned it to his side before moving once again to lead the way to the library. It wasn’t a long walk, even with Junmyeon’s still cautious pace slowing them down some. 

Sehun opened the door for him, propping it open as he passed through and took in the environment of the quaint children’s library. _So this is where Sehun would go when I was asleep._ He looked around, searching for who might be this Youngjae he’d heard so much about.

“Samchon!” Came a small voice, and Junmyeon diverted his gaze to its origin to find a small, lively looking boy running towards Sehun. 

“Hey, bud.” Sehun greeted him, squatting down to be on his eye-level. 

Youngjae’s expression immediately changed to a pout, and he dawdled on his feet. “Do you _have_ to leave?”

__

__

Sehun chuckled. “Yeah, we do. And you’re leaving tomorrow anyways, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I am.” Youngjae affirmed, smiling once again. He looked over then at Junmyeon, who waved from where he was still standing at the entrance.

“My friend has something to give back to you.” Sehun told the boy, and Junmyeon quickly approached, understanding that was his cue. The sudden movement caused a subtle ache at his core, but it was nothing he couldn’t grin and bear. 

Junmyeon handed him the Doraemon plushie, which he accepted happily. “Thank you for lending him to me, he was very good company.” 

Youngjae beamed. “You’re welcome.” 

“So what do you have planned for us to do today?” Sehun asked the boy, and he eagerly led them back over to where he’d been playing before they arrived. Junmyeon wasn’t sure how long they spent going through various jungle and kingdom scenarios, but eventually Youngjae’s mother let them know they needed to get going soon. Sehun stood and walked over to talk with her for a moment, leaving Junmyeon and Youngjae still seated on the floor together. 

“Are you excited to go home?” Junmyeon asked him. Sehun had filled him in previously on what he knew of his health condition, and it sounded like despite it being chronic in nature, he was doing well enough to be discharged for some time

“Yeah, but I’ll miss playing with samchon.”

“You really like him, huh?”

“He’s really fun. And he’s really good at being the gorilla.” Youngjae said, holding up the gorilla plush to show him. “I know you’re his best friend, though.”

Junmyeon’s brow raised, perplexed by the assertion. “Am I?”

Youngjae continued playing with the gorilla plush and shrugged. “Yeah, he really likes you. He says so all the time.. Well, not exactly like that, but he says nice things about you a lot. You seem really fun, I’m happy you’re feeling better.” 

Junmyeon blinked and smiled, glancing over momentarily at Sehun before returning his gaze to Youngjae. “Thank you, I’m happy I am too.” 

“You ready to go, hun?” Youngjae’s mother asked, approaching them alongside Sehun.

Youngjae jumped up and confirmed he was ready to go, and moved to hug and say goodbye to Sehun. They exchanged a few further words, and Junmyeon waved when Youngjae and his mother departed.

Junmyeon moved to stand and join Sehun, but immediately found that he was unable to hoist himself up from the floor without extreme pain in his ribs. He pondered another way that he might be able to get up from off the floor, which he now realized had been a very bad move, when Sehun interrupted his train of thought.

“Do you need help up?”

Junmyeon swallowed. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Sehun smiled sympathetically, squatting down and moving his arms around Junmyeon to seemingly try and determine the best location to hold him from. Junmyeon assisted him, and together they eventually found a method that was only moderately uncomfortable. The younger had one arm wrapped around his shoulders, but the majority of his support was from the other arm across his lower back. Sehun lifted, and Junmyeon held back a wince when the movement forced the younger’s face into the crook of his neck.

“You alright?” Sehun asked, only moving back slightly when they were fully standing. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Junmyeon waved him off before straightening out his shirt. “Just remind me to not sit on the ground in the future.”

Sehun teased and told him he’d be sure to monitor every one of his movements from here on out, which elicited an eye-roll from Junmyeon before they both moved to make their way out of the hospital. Their driver was already waiting for them at the drive-in entrance, and the younger assisted him into the back of the SUV before climbing in himself.

The car started, and Junmyeon looked out the window as they pulled out of the hospital’s parking lot. It only hit him that they were actually leaving as he watched the hospital’s buildings getting progressively smaller behind them as they drove away. He knew he would be back soon enough for his outpatient appointments, but he was officially out. It was just a freeing as it was worrying, this regained independence. 

“I’m nervous.” He admitted quietly, taking his eyes off the hospital to turn back to Sehun.

“Yeah?” Sehun asked. “Why?”

“I don’t know.. Just doing it on my own, now, I guess. It’s up to me to keep it up.” 

“It’s always been up to you.” Sehun reminded. “..and you’re not doing it on your own. You’ve got me.” 

Junmyeon smiled, he wasn’t entirely sure what motivated Sehun to be so supportive, but his gratitude for him temporarily distracted from his nerves. “Youngjae did let me know that you really like me.” 

“He did?” Sehun asked, eyes wide.

“Yes, he said that I’m your best friend.”

The younger shrugged. “He’s not wrong.”

“You know I really appreciate everything you’ve been doing for me, right?” 

Sehun’s expression softened. “Of course. You do a lot for all of us all the time, this feels like the least I could do after what happened.”

“The least?” Junmyeon questioned with a chuckle. “Can't help but wonder what the most would be, then.”

Sehun let out a breathy laugh. “Let me know if you think of something.” 

Junmyeon assured him he would, and when the conversation halted he pulled out the meal and outpatient plans he'd received from his doctor to overview them. At some point Sehun asked about the meal plan, and Junmyeon physically crumpled, handing the younger the packet while complaining about how he didn't think he could cook a single damn thing on it. 

“Come on, sure you can, a lot of this is really basic preparation. And I'll help.” Sehun told him while still flipping through the pages. “I could eat the same as you if that makes it easier.” 

“It wouldn't be too little for you?” Junmyeon asked nervously. He knew his calorie intake had gone up, and it had to be higher than normal to lead to weight gain, but the idea that he might be eating enough now to support somebody so much bigger than him made him uncomfortable. 

“If it is I can just make myself a bit extra.” He responded nonchalantly, and Junmyeon relaxed. He knew there was a possibility Sehun sensed his discomfort and was lying to make him feel better, but he couldn't bring himself to care. 

“If you want to do that you can, just you helping me cook would be great.” 

Sehun smiled at him again, and Junmyeon blinked around the resulting fuzziness. Before the younger could say anything else, the driver alerted them that they had arrived, and he instead moved to help Junmyeon out of the car. 

Sehun's arm didn't leave his upper back even after he had successfully climbed out with its support, but he didn't mind. The younger's large, splayed hand on his shoulder was a calming guiding force as they walked back to the dormitory. 

Nobody else was home, which was no surprise given it was 3PM on a Monday, and the two simply took their time settling back in. After a couple hours of a mixture of talking and watching TV had passed, Sehun suggested the idea of starting his meal prep, and as nervous as Junmyeon was about actually initiating the change, he agreed readily. 

It was honestly.. quite fun. Cooking with Sehun. The younger surprisingly seemed to know his way around the kitchen, in addition to seemingly knowing everything right to say to ease Junmyeon’s nerves. The kitchen wasn’t stocked with all that they needed and a select few meal options would have to wait until they did, but Sehun was right when he said the majority were simple in preparation. 

Only when they had finished stocking the fridge with portioned out servings in various sealed containers did they finally sit down to eat dinner, and naturally that was when other members began to filter back into the dorm. 

“Junmyeon-ah! You’re back!” Jongdae cheered as he walked through the entrance with a less outwardly cheery, but still pleasant, Minseok. 

Junmyeon returned the greeting, using one hand to cover his mouth as he was still on a biteful of food. The two joined them at the table, spreading out some of the takeout they’d brought in for themselves and a few of the other guys that would be joining them soon. 

Over the next half hour Baekhyun, Jongin and Chanyeol filtered back in and took a spot at the large roundtable, eagerly engaging Junmyeon in conversation and updating him on all the various projects they’d been working on. As much as it was overwhelming, it also made Junmyeon feel more at home. He felt in the loop again, no longer isolated away from his work and his people. 

He knew Kyungsoo was still off on shoot, but Yixing’s absence was new. “Where is Yixing?” He asked during a lull in conversation.

“He’s back at home. He’ll be working there through new year’s.” Jongdae responded, his expression somewhat grim before it was masked with another bite of food. 

Junmyeon nodded, that was a bummer. The dormitory had become progressively more and more quiet over the past year, and it was a different experience having hardly over half of their group present. 

Sehun then stood and collected Junmyeon’s cleared plate and utensils. “Do you want some tea or water or something?” He asked before moving into the kitchen and placing everything in the sink. 

“No, I'm fine, thanks.” Junmyeon called in after him, and turned back to face the rest of the guys after he heard Sehun turn the tap on. 

“Oi, Sehun!” Chanyeol called out. “Why are you only washing Junmyeon’s plate?”

“So disrespectful of your other hyungs.” Baekhyun added, grinning over at the youngest who had turned from his position at the sink to face the onslaught. 

“Are any of you assholes injured?” Sehun countered, sweeping his gaze over each of them as he awaited an answer, and returned to his washing when he didn’t get one. “Didn’t think so, you all can clean up after yourselves.”

Baekhyun turned back to Junmyeon, grin still in place, and whispered. “You’ve got him whipped, huh?” 

Before Junmyeon could respond, Sehun cut back in. “Heard that, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun and Sehun continued their back and forth, and as much as Junmyeon understood they were all joking, he couldn’t help but wonder if he had become too reliant on Sehun’s helpfulness over their past few weeks together. While Junmyeon certainly would do the same for Sehun if the roles were reversed, that wasn’t their current situation, and he resolved that he ought to try and return to his typical independent self now that he was back home and out of the hospital. 

After they had finished eating and clearing up their respective messes, the group transitioned to couches to start a movie. Despite his protests, and even Sehun’s backing him up, he was outvoted and a horror movie was selected. Jongin insisted that it wasn’t that scary, but Junmyeon didn’t trust his assertion. 

The movie started, and his distrust turned out to be well founded as not even fifteen minutes in he had his face in his hands. He was inclined to hide his face in Sehun’s side as he was seated next to him, but something was holding him back from doing so. 

Junmyeon dared peeking out between his fingers when he heard the music begin to build, as much as he knew that was a bad idea, and he nearly jumped when the first murder scene commenced. Sehun wrapped an arm around him, and quietly reminded him he didn’t have to stay and watch the movie if he didn’t want to. He nodded, and only relaxed into Sehun’s side for a moment before he decided to get up. 

“I’m going to go take a bath.” Junmyeon informed him, doing his best to keep a quiet tone. “I’m getting kinda tired, I should sleep soon.”

“Yeah?” Sehun whispered. “Do you need any help with anything?” 

Junmyeon felt his cheeks flush at the question, only now thankful for the dark lighting in the room. “I.. I don’t think so.” He answered. They’d showered together plenty of times in the past, but it had been a long time since Junmyeon had been comfortable with that.. and he needed to be able to do these basic things on his own anyways. 

Sehun nodded. “Okay, well let me know if you do.”

Junmyeon gave a quiet hum of agreement before fully removing himself from the couch and heading over to their room. Within a moment he had everything he needed, toiletries and a couple towels, and he quietly exited the room, then the dorm en route to the baths. He’d prefer a shower, it was more convenient as they had their own attached to their bedroom, but the doctor had specifically instructed he keep up with the baths. She’d explained that soaking in the hot water was beneficial for healing and would keep him from being on his feet for too long.

The walk to the baths was quick, and it was a relief when he found them to be entirely empty. As he needed a bath that he could use more privately and drain afterwards, he left the communal bath area for one of the many side rooms where the individual tubs were located. 

He put his phone and towel down on the counter beside the empty tub, and moved to figure out how the taps worked. It took a moment, but eventually he had the hot water going, and he moved to remove his clothes as the faucet filled the basin steadily. 

Tugging his shirt off over his head proved to be a struggle, he still didn’t have full mobility in his arms, but eventually he had everything off. His naked state left no protective barriers between his skin and the drafty air in the room, and he shivered before deciding to sit in the bath as it filled in effort to keep warm. 

He turned the faucet off when the tub was full, and took a moment to relax in the hot water before he began his standard hygienic routine. Everything went fine, he was able to wash his body on his own, but then it came time to wash his hair. 

How it hadn’t crossed his mind before that he couldn’t reach his arms over his head, a movement necessary to hair washing, was beyond him. He spent several minutes attempting every position he could conjure to get his hands up and into his hair, but none of them worked. Every position pulled on the muscles at his rib cage unbearably. 

At a loss for what to do, he closed his eyes and sunk further into the water. 

He thought about simply skipping washing it for now, but he didn’t like the idea of that. It bothered him whenever he had to forego washing his hair for over a day, and besides, it didn’t solve the overarching problem. He’d have to wash it eventually, and this damn rib pain was unlikely to go away anytime soon. 

He looked at his phone and groaned, out of ideas, he knew his only option was to ask for help. It shouldn’t be that big of a deal, right? Sehun’d seen him naked before, and he’d offered to help earlier… Junmyeon groaned again. _Who am I kidding?_

\--

This movie was bad. Jongin seemed really into it, but Sehun couldn’t get past the glaring plot holes and cheesy acting. Plus, it had forced Junmyeon out, which he considered to be another knock against it. 

He stuck around, though. It was nice to be back home and hang out with the rest of the guys, and he had to admit at this point in the movie he was invested enough to see how it ended. 

An awkward and cheesy sex scene started, making his phone buzzing in his pocket a very welcome distraction. He pulled it out and opened the new notification to find a text from Junmyeon. 

_I need help. Could you come here?_

Suddenly worried, he responded immediately. _Are you alright? Are you hurt?_

_I’m not hurt, everything’s fine, I just need help._ Came the quick reply, and Sehun sent back a quick _omw_ before removing himself from the couch and making for the exit. 

“Too scary for you too?” Baekhyun called after him. 

Sehun didn’t bother responding, just rolled his eyes before opening and closing the door behind him. 

It didn’t take him long at all to reach the baths, probably largely due to the fact that he had practically jogged the entire way there. Upon entering and finding no one in the main area, he called out Junmyeon’s name a few times, hoping he’d be able to hear him from whichever off-room he was in.

“In here!” He heard coming from the first door on the left, and he crossed the entrance and promptly let himself in. 

Sehun wasn’t sure what he had expected, Junmyeon had asked him for help with his bath, but still he found himself needing to take a moment to register the fact that Junmyeon was completely naked. The leader had positioned his arms in what looked like some attempt at modesty, and while Sehun was sure he could recall their having been naked around each other numerous times in the past, he could understand why Junmyeon would be uncomfortable after such a long departure from that.

“Hey.” Junmyeon said after that initial awkward moment had passed, and Sehun returned the greeting before walking a bit further into the room.

Sehun decided to sit down on the ground beside the tub, hoping that lowering his range of vision might help the leader feel more comfortable. “You need help?” 

Junmyeon cleared his throat. “Yeah.. uh- I can’t wash my hair. My arms can’t reach, it hurts too much.” 

He nodded, immediately going into a working frame of mind. “Where’s your shampoo?” 

“On the counter.” 

Sehun grabbed it quickly, opening the cap and dispensing a decent amount of it into his palm. He moved closer to the rim of the tub, standing on his knees beside him and ensuring he kept his gaze off of Junmyeon’s body.

“Could you come a little closer to me?” Sehun requested, unable to reach his head comfortably as Junmyeon was still sat at the center of the tub.

The leader nodded wordlessly, moving himself slowly closer to Sehun. When he was finally within reach, Sehun added the shampoo to his hair, palming some of the water from the tub and lifting it to wet his hair further. 

Now content with the proportion of water and shampoo, Sehun eased his fingers into his hair and gently kneaded at his scalp. He’d never washed somebody else’s hair before, but when he heard Junmyeon let out a contented, likely involuntary sigh at the contact, the younger took that as a good sign to continue.

He massaged gently from his hairline down around his ears to the base of his neck, making sure his hair was sufficiently soapy before he told Junmyeon to dip back into the water. He helped get the shampoo out, and proceeded to apply the conditioner in the same fashion. Per the conditioner’s instructions, which he read diligently, he instructed Junmyeon to wait a minute before helping him rinse it out completely. 

“There.” Sehun let out when Junmyeon resurfaced. His hair was hanging over his face, dripping water into his eyes, and Sehun reached out to move the loose strands back over his head. 

“Thanks.” Junmyeon breathed, visibly relaxed. “Could you pass me my towels?”

Sehun nodded and did as he requested, passing him the towels and turning away so Junmyeon could stand and dry himself off with some privacy. 

“Sehun?” 

“Yeah?” He asked, turning back around to see Junmyeon, towel wrapped securely around his waist, attempting to step out of the tub. Sehun was momentarily distracted by the view, Junmyeon had filled out significantly and was looking healthier with each day that passed, but he managed to snap himself out of it in time to reach out and hold his arm as he stepped over the edge. 

Junmyeon thanked him again and held out the second towel sheepishly. “Would you mind getting my hair for me?” 

“'Course.” Sehun let out, accepting the proffered towel and unfolding it before moving to face Junmyeon. He laid it overtop his head, and carefully began running it through his hair. He moved from the front to the back, and found he needed to step slightly closer to reach around to dry the back of his head. 

With each movement they became steadily closer, and it wasn’t long before Sehun noticed just how close they were. He felt Junmyeon's distinctly inviting heat radiating off of him in waves, and he combed the towel through his hair once more before letting his eyes drop to his face, which had progressively tilted up towards his own. 

Junmyeon's eyes were closed, relaxed by the gentle movements of Sehun's hands at the base of his neck. His cheeks were rosey from the wet heat of the room, and his lips were parted slightly, calm breaths escaping them each time Sehun adjusted the pressure of his touch. It was like time slowed down, and he could feel every one of those breaths ghost across him.

It made him shiver.

Sehun had to pause his movements to recalibrate, overwhelmed as the only thing he could think about now was kissing him. He left his arms rested around Junmyeon's neck, but barely a second passed before he seemed to notice that Sehun had stopped. Junmyeon's eyes opened to meet his gaze, revealing dark, dilated pupils. 

Sehun inhaled, too terrified to say anything as they stared at each other, faces only inches apart. He could swear Junmyeon moved closer, their breath now intermingling, but he couldn't rule out his hopeful mind playing tricks on him. 

When he caught his gaze traveling back down to Junmyeon's lips, Sehun mustered up the last ounce of self restraint he had and moved away, returning his arms to his sides. 

He cleared his throat. “Do you need help blow drying it?” He asked, hoping his tone sounded at least somewhat casual.

Junmyeon pulled the towel down from around his neck and shook his head. “No, I think I'll leave it for now, thanks.” 

“Okay.. I'll wait for you to get dressed outside, then.” Sehun stuttered out before turning quickly on his feet and exiting the room, nearly collapsing on the bench beside the door as he dropped his face into his hands. 

_That was so, so stupid._

He couldn't believe how close he'd let himself get to actually kissing him. Kissing Junmyeon. He'd imagined it in his head so many times at this point, but he'd never thought he would actually let himself get close to trying. 

_Stupid._

It wasn't long before Junmyeon emerged, offering a small smile before leading them out and back towards the dorm. The leader seemed somewhat more awkward than usual, sure, but he wasn't acting any way close to what Sehun might have expected. 

Come to think of it, despite his never having been intimate with another man before, Sehun could recognize this tension. The tension between them when he'd been drying his hair, the same tension between them now as they walked down the hallway together, footsteps in sync. 

He'd experienced that same tension with multiple romantic partners in the past, albeit all female, and nothing quite as strong as this.

_...Could Junmyeon be feeling this too?_

He contemplated the possibility for a slow second, strongly considering how close they'd become over the past few weeks. He understood his own feelings had developed, but he'd never even dared to wonder if Junmyeon was attracted to men, let alone if his feelings had changed. He'd simply assumed the leader needed somebody close, somebody to support him, which certainly necessitated some level of physical contact. _But physical contact like that?_ He dared another glance at the leader before shutting the train of thought down all together.

_No, don't be ridiculous._

Sehun attempted to shake it off as they passed through the entrance of their dorm, following a step behind Junmyeon as he crossed the space towards their room. The television was off and the guys were gone, probably already turned in for the night, and Sehun figured he may as well follow suit. 

Though, upon being back in the room together, he was questioning everything all over again. They'd shared the hospital bed for the entirety of the last week of Junmyeon's stay, and despite the fact that they could easily continue to share one of their beds here, probably even more comfortably as they were bigger, he wasn't sure if they _should_. It was hard to make an argument against it, though, when it allowed him to be so close to Junmyeon while simultaneously giving him the best sleep he'd had in ages.

“My bed or yours?” Junmyeon asked, turning Sehun's inner conflict on its head. The leader turned to face him, and as if sensing his hesitation, added “I mean, we don't have to, I was just..” 

“No, no, it's fine.” Sehun assured. _To hell with it._ “Yours maybe? I just want to take a shower first.”

Junmyeon nodded and smiled at him, and before Sehun could get wrapped up in his gaze all over again, he made a break for the bathroom. 

After closing and locking the door behind him, he moved to turn the dial on the faucet for the shower to its highest heat setting. It only took a few moments for the temperature to set, and he stripped quickly before stepping under the spray, thankful for the temporary distraction from his conflicting thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will continue to be edited over the next week or so, still not very happy with it.
> 
> Comments and feedback/critique very much appreciated.


	15. Different

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! Trust me to continue posting on this story, but definitely seems best to not trust me to post on time. (at least until this MS is done next month)
> 
> I'm sorry for the wait but had some pressing matters on my thesis and I wanted to take my time on this chapter. Hope y'all enjoy it! Thank you again for all the comments and support. <3
> 
>   
> Visual from prior chapter?

The soft chime of Junmyeon’s alarm woke him, and he groaned quietly as he strained his free arm over Sehun in an attempt to reach it. The younger was tucked firmly into his side, head rested where Junmyeon’s shoulder met his chest. Seemed to be a favorite position of his.

His first attempt to silence the phone failed, and when Sehun showed no signs of waking up, Junmyeon swiveled carefully off of his back onto his side to better reach the side table. The movement brought the two of them closer together, and he heard the younger let out a contented sigh before snuggling further into the embrace. Junmyeon winced, both from the slight pain from the pressure at his ribs, but also from the realization that he was likely now locked into this position until he could successfully wake him up. 

Junmyeon was thankfully now within arm’s reach of his phone, and he shut the increasingly obnoxious ringtone off before resting his arm on Sehun’s shoulder. “Hey, Sehunnie.” He coaxed. “I need to get up.”

Leaving the bed, particularly leaving Sehun’s hold, was the last thing he wanted to do. However, it was nearing 9 AM and he had his own semi-work related schedule for the first time in what felt like ages.

He shook gently at Sehun’s shoulder and spoke his name again, finally eliciting a dramatic groan from the younger. 

“Hey, I’m sorry.” Junmyeon let out with an amused eye roll. “I’d lift you off me if I could, but you’re too damn big.”

Sehun’s eyes opened, seemingly with the sole intent to leer at Junmyeon. “You don’t have to be rude.”

Junmyeon chuckled. “Sorry.. but I really do need to start getting ready.” 

“Okay, okay. I’ll get up too.” Sehun released his grip and sat up before turning to move his legs off the side of the mattress. Junmyeon swallowed at the sweeping eyeful of his broad shoulders rippling under the thin fabric of his shirt, and watched as they flexed when he finally hoisted himself up by the knees to stand. 

“Did they say what they’re going to talk to you about today?” Sehun asked, but Junmyeon was still too distracted to catch it.

“Hmm?” He hummed, a flush heating his cheeks quickly as he redirected his gaze. 

Sehun gave him a look, and Junmyeon’s cheeks only grew hotter. “Did manager-hyung say what they’re bringing you in for today?”

Junmyeon nodded, diverting his gaze once again as he carefully used his arms to prop himself up into a seated position. “It’s a full interview on the attack.” He told him. “They said they need my complete account now that I've confirmed to handle it privately.”

“Oh.” Sehun’s eyes fell to his feet for a moment before he returned his gaze to meet Junmyeon’s. “You feeling alright?”

“I don’t know..” He admitted, taking a few seconds to contemplate exactly why this pit had formed in his stomach. Sehun crossed back over to the bed to sit down next to him, which did serve to relax him somewhat. “I just want to get it over with.”

Sehun pursed his lips. “Yeah.. I know you'll be alright, but let me know if you need anything. I won't be far.”

“Thanks.” Junmyeon breathed, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. 

Sehun moved a hand to his upper back, splaying out his fingers. The movement was quick and casual, such that Junmyeon typically wouldn't have noticed it, but recently he'd been on edge. It had been a few days since their.. hair drying moment, and while immediately after he had felt like an absolute idiot for letting himself lean in so dangerously close to the younger, that same type of moment between them had now happened so many times since that he was just left feeling confused. Back in the hospital, their sharing the bed and cuddling had felt relatively casual, at least when compared to the way any instance of even the slightest bit of physical intimacy between them made him feel now. Every time since they'd arrived home Junmyeon felt an intense rush, followed immediately thereafter by a noticeable tension between them. 

It was just.. different now. And none were small touches that he could brush off as insignificant, either.

The morning after their return Junmyeon had gotten his sweatshirt tangled around his arms and head in his attempt to get if off on his own, and when Sehun had stepped in to assist him (while unsuccessfully holding back laughter) they'd ended up so close Junmyeon thought he might faint. The day after that, Junmyeon had fallen asleep next to Sehun after a couple episodes of a new drama they’d started, and ended up waking entangled with him, his face nestled into the younger’s neck. He wasn’t sure who was more at fault for that, but it had resulted in that same delayed pause of them just staring at each other, unsure of what to do next.

Yesterday, Junmyeon had been changing with Sehun present in the room, something he was becoming progressively more comfortable with. He was similarly more comfortable with asking the younger for help now that he wasn’t being tended to by a team of nurses, but he still tried to do things independently, like changing, as often as he could. It did require significant concentration to articulate his arms and body in a way that didn’t hurt, and when he’d turned his attention momentarily back to Sehun after successfully putting on his pants, he’d caught him staring fixedly at his still bare upper body. It was a look he still couldn't quite place the motivation behind, but there had been something in Sehun's eyes that'd made his stomach flutter. 

Presently, Sehun's hand had made its way down to the small of his back, and Junmyeon carefully turned to look back to him. 

He was beginning to wonder if he was really alone in this feeling after all. 

Now a bit too nervous to say anything, he let his gaze drop again. If he weren't a man.. or if they weren't in these precarious contractual positions.. this could be so much easier. There were several reasons why he was still questioning Sehun's true feelings, but if the circumstances weren’t so complicated, he could at least ask and put the question to bed.

“First day without you around in a while, huh.” Sehun let out with a small laugh, breaking Junmyeon's train of thought. “What ever shall I do.”

“I'm sure you'll manage.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I should probably start training again.” Sehun mused, looking down over his form almost disapprovingly. “I've gotten a bit soft these last few weeks.” 

“Still seem pretty strong to me.” Junmyeon countered before gripping gently at his bicep, instructing Sehun to flex in order to better prove his point. “But I guess it might be good for your dancing.”

Sehun nodded, cheeks now slightly pink. “Yeah.” 

Junmyeon gave him a small smile before checking the time again. “Wanna have breakfast with me?” 

Sehun nodded again, and they made their way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Breakfast was simple, and they spent the limited amount of time scrolling through their news feeds together. It was a pleasant and simple distraction from their inevitable separation followed immediately by what was likely to be a very unpleasant meeting with their lawyers.

“Want me to walk you?” Sehun asked after washing their dishes in the sink and setting them out to dry. 

“Yeah, I’d appreciate that.” Junmyeon answered and quickly stood to make his way back to their room. “I’m gonna finish getting ready.” He called back before closing the door behind him. 

Changing his clothes took some time, but he was able to breeze through his hygienic routine on his own. He waited on Sehun to finish getting ready as well before they made their way out of the dorm together. 

They walked mostly in silence, his nerves about the meeting were beginning to get to him. It wasn’t until they were nearing in on the designated conference room that Junmyeon slowed down to the point that it caught the younger’s attention.

“You alright?” He asked, stopping the two of them while they were still far enough away from the door to afford them some privacy.

Junmyeon swallowed. “I.. no. Not really.”

“I’m sure they’ll let you reschedule if you don’t want to do this now.”

“No. I should, I need to get this over and done with.”

“Okay.. just text me if you need anything, alright?” 

“Yeah..” Junmyeon let out and paused, teetering on his feet for a moment. “Could I.. could you..” He tried, raising his arms out slightly towards him, awkwardly and inadvertently requesting some type of contact. 

Sehun seemed to understand, and promptly wrapped his arms around his shoulders to pull him in closer. Junmyeon let out the breath he’d been holding and relaxed into the embrace, resting his head against the younger’s chest. 

They only stayed like that for a moment before he forced himself to collect his bearings and step back. “I should go in there.” He breathed, straightening out his chest and quickly checking to make sure he looked presentable.

Sehun nodded and smiled encouragingly. “Okay, I’ll see you later.. Good luck.”

“Thanks.” Junmyeon sighed and attempted to return the smile before waving goodbye. After Sehun was no longer within eyeshot, Junmyeon reoriented himself down the hallway and walked towards the conference room. 

\--

The first few hours of the meeting passed quickly. They mostly consisted of catch up on the status of the group and the tour, which made Junmyeon feel more at home, but things slowed down when they transitioned into legal explanations for the upcoming steps in his case. 

They described the process to him in detail, and fully understanding how the trainees would not be able to seek any legal action following helped slow the knot forming steadily in his stomach.

And then came the hard part.

Mr. Choi cleared his throat. “That brings us to your account. We’re now going to ask you to describe the full night in detail, and we may follow with some additional questions afterward.” 

Junmyeon nodded, and took in a deep breath before he launched into as fully detailed of a description as he could manage. He had been somewhat prepared for how difficult it might be, but he knew it was important that he did his best to not leave anything out.

His manager and both of the lawyers stayed quiet through the majority of his explanation, only offering the occasional encouraging word to help guide him along. The attack itself was the most difficult to talk through, and by the end of it he felt mentally exhausted.

“That’s the end of what you remember?” Mr. Lee questioned.

Junmyeon frowned. “Yes.”

“Okay, well we have a few further questions to ask of you.” His manager informed, somewhat nervously looking between him and Mr. Lee. Junmyeon got the impression he didn’t like the lawyer much, and he couldn’t say he disagreed with that feeling.

“Had you had any alcohol that night?” He started.

Junmyeon’s eyes widened, surprised at the question. “No.. I don’t drink at SM events, you know that.” 

“We need to have it on record that you state you did not.” Mr. Choi cut in, gesturing back to the recording device to remind him. Junmyeon nodded, but braced himself for what the proceeding questions might be.

“Do you recall Oh Sehun drinking anything that night?”

“I.. no, I don’t remember seeing him drink anything.” 

“Did you say or do anything to the trainees that would cause them to construe you as a homosexual?”

Junmyeon gaped. “Excuse me?”

Mr. Lee looked at him blankly. “Do you need us to repeat the question?”

“I.. no! That’s not the issue, we've talked about this. How is that even a question? Of course I did not do any such thing.” 

“We have on record from the trainees’ accounts that Sehun accused them of wishing he was their boyfriend.” His manager reminded, flipping through his pages of notes to locate the exact quote.

The blood drained from his face as he recalled that exchange. “He made that as a joke.. they were accusing me of being his boyfriend, based on nothing as I just said, and he threw the accusation back at them.”

“But you took no part in that? You did nothing to make them rationally believe you are a homosexual?”

“No, as I just said, no.” Junmyeon asserted, becoming so angry he thought he could actually scream. “And even if I did, which I again _did not_ , what right would that give them to do what they did to me?! What kind of questioning is this? What are you accusing me of?”

His manager swallowed. “We have to cover this base if we are going to tie up every loose end. We need your full statement.” 

“I think I’ve given you my full statement.” Junmyeon spat. “Are there any more questions?”

His manager tensed before looking between Mr. Choi and Mr. Lee. “I think we can stop here for the time being. We’ll let you know if we need anything else.”

“Good.” Junmyeon promptly stood up and began to gather his things. “I think I’ll get going then. Thank you for your time.” He added that last sentiment along with a slight bow out of sole adherence to elder respect, but his tone was devoid of any gratitude.

He was sure they said some sort of good bye, but he was no longer listening as he made his way out of the conference room and down the hall back towards their dorm. Unfortunately for him, his anger only grew as he walked further away from the source.

_Why should it matter?_

He knew he’d never done anything to suggest that he was, in fact, gay. He at least had confidence in that fact, but the reality that it would be such a problem that he was.. it angered him. It had always been a terrifying thought that he might be outed and face goodness knows what public hate for that, but that it could be viewed as a tangible excuse to physically assault him? Especially now that he was having actual feelings.. feelings that made him feel both wonderful and confused, it made him mad.

Mad that he had let himself develop these feelings. Mad that he had to be this way. Mad that it was a problem at all.

He burst through the entry way and through to their room, shutting the door securely behind him before letting himself collapse across his mattress. He took several deep breaths, attempting unsuccessfully to calm down. He checked his phone for the time and if he had any new important notifications, and upon finding none placed it on the side table and tried once again to get comfortable. 

He wondered where Sehun was as he twisted himself around on the mattress, he’d mentioned going in to train, so it was possible that’s why he wasn’t here. He contemplated sending something over to him, but he wasn’t sure that was a good idea, nor was he even sure what to say. 

His eyes scanned Sehun’s side of the room as he turned onto his right, gaze fixating on something metallic from under his bed that was catching the last bit of sunlight in the room. He knew without fully seeing it what it was. His scale.

He’d asked the younger to hide it prior to his return, and it seemed now that while he had, he hadn’t done so very well. Junmyeon didn’t fault him, there weren’t many places he could’ve put it. 

Didn’t stop him from the self-destructive path he seemed to be on now, though. He pulled himself up from the mattress and crossed the room, taking the scale from its spot and carrying it into the restroom. 

He set it down and simply stared for a moment. He shouldn’t even be considering this, he knew he wasn’t supposed to weigh himself according to his doctor’s instructions, but it was like he couldn’t help himself in his weakened state. He needed to know what this whole ordeal had done to him. Down to the numeric value.

He turned the shower on and stripped down, all the while eyeing the scale precariously. Once his clothes were gone, he checked to make sure it was balanced, and stepped on. 

\--

Sehun stepped out from the locker room’s showers and moved carefully across the tiled floor over to his duffle for a change of clothes. He slipped a clean shirt over his head and pulled on a loose pair of sweats, sitting down to put his socks back on.

He felt refreshed. It was nice to be able to focus on his dancing and working out again now that they were back, and while he had found he’d forgotten some of the new choreography in his time without practicing, it hadn’t taken him long to remaster it. 

Now that he was showered and dressed, he made his way out from the lockers and began to head back towards the dorm. He remembered most of the guys would be out on various jobs today, but it was possible Junmyeon was done with his meeting. If not he’d find something else to do with his time, but he hoped he’d be there. He was curious how it had went for him.

He made his way down the halls idly, keying in the code to the apartment’s lock when he made it to the door. As he had suspected, nobody appeared to be home. He walked over to his and Junmyeon’s room to check, and upon opening the door detected the faint sounds of the shower running. 

Figuring the leader was taking a shower and would be out soon, Sehun went back into the common space and sat down on one of the couches to look through his phone and wait for him. A minute passed, then five, then ten, and Sehun began to feel worried. Junmyeon wasn’t one to take that long of a shower. 

He went back into the room and knocked lightly on their bathroom door, calling Junmyeon’s name at a volume he hoped was loud enough to be detectable over the falling water but not so loud it would startle him. Receiving no response, he increased the volume of both his knock and his voice. 

Still nothing. Sehun’s stress response went into overdrive and he attempted to open the door, but found it was locked. He ran into the kitchen to look for something to undo the lock with, and grabbed a thin metal chopstick that he hoped would work. It thankfully did, and the door popped open after he inserted it into the knob.

He dropped it and entered the small bathroom to find Junmyeon crumpled and naked in the corner of the shower, arms hugged around his legs as he let the water rain down over him. He was shaking, and Sehun tried to get his attention as he crossed over and opened the shower door to turn the faucet off. He winced when the water hit his arm and chest, it was freezing despite the gauge being set to hot.

_How long had he been in here?_

“Junmyeon, Junmyeon, you’re going to get hypothermia sitting here like this.” He told him, crouching down and wrapping a towel around the leader. He hardly responded to the contact, as if he was in some half-asleep, yet half-awake state. “Junmyeon, you alright?” Sehun prompted again, and the leader finally cracked his eyes open to look at him, a few new tears falling from them and streaming down his cheeks. Sehun exhaled from some relief that he was still responsive, and proceeded to wrap his arms around him and lift him up against his chest to pull him out of the shower. He needed to get him warm and dry before he did more investigating on why this had happened in the first place.

Junmyeon sunk into him as Sehun carried him out of the bathroom, noticing the scale as he did so. _That might have something to do with it._ He walked over to his mattress and placed Junmyeon down on it gently. He seemed to have calmed down some, the frequency of his faint sobs decreasing as Sehun worked to dry him off and get him into fresh clothes. 

He was still shivering, and Sehun stepped over to his own bed to grab a few extra blankets along with the bathroom’s hair dryer to aide in warming him up. Realizing his shirt was sopping wet with cold water, he stripped it off before climbing onto the mattress with him. 

“Hyung, c’mere.” He beckoned, helping to move and position Junmyeon into a comfortable place in his lap, his head resting against his chest as it gave him a proper angle for drying his still cold and wet scalp. 

He turned the machine on and started at it, combing his fingers through Junmyeon’s hair as he fanned through it with the blow-dryer. The leader sighed and leaned further into him, which served to reassure Sehun significantly. He’d never seen him this upset. 

When Junmyeon’s hair was dry, Sehun turned the dryer off and extended his reach to place it on the side table without disrupting him. He turned back and wrapped his arms around him, pressing his cheek against the top of his head to simply hold him close for a moment. He massaged gently at his back before pulling back just enough to look at him, moving his hand to cradle Junmyeon’s face as he did so. 

“What happened?” He asked quietly, stroking at his cheek as Junmyeon tilted his head to look up at him. 

“Everything.” He let out, a small chuckle escaping him along with an exasperated exhale. “They wanted my full account on everything and it was.. hard to get through. Then when I was done they asked all these questions, questions that made me feel like I was being.. blamed for what happened.” He paused, his voice slightly cracking. 

“Then, um.. when I got back.. I found the scale.” Junmyeon told him, and Sehun groaned. 

“I’m sorry, I should have hidden it better.” 

“No, I um, should know not to use it.” Junmyeon continued. “But I did.”

Sehun held onto him more tightly. He could tell that Junmyeon had put on weight, as he was intended to with the program he was on, but he also knew that the leader had up until this point been unaware of just how much weight it actually was.

He was sure it had to be substantial. Junmyeon was looking more like his old healthy self again, his bones were no longer poking out, his muscles no longer looked strained under his skin, and Sehun admittedly was becoming worse and worse at keeping his eyes off him. 

“4.7 kg.” Junmyeon whispered.

Sehun nodded. “How do you feel about that?”

“I don’t know.. at first it was.. horrible. I just broke down, thinking about it along with everything else.” 

“Why did it make you feel horrible?” Sehun asked, letting his hand move past his cheek to his ear, curling his fingers into his hair. 

“I can’t.. can’t tell what I look like very well. I always feel like I look bigger than I am, so numbers are.. helpful. When I saw how much it’d gone up..” Junmyeon’s voice broke again, and he let his gaze drop.

“I felt.. fat.” He finally let out. “Like I can’t believe I let this happen, like I failed.”

“Hey..” Sehun started. “You know none of that’s true, right?” 

“I think.. technically I do know that. But it doesn’t change how I feel.”

“Want to know how I feel?” Sehun blurted, and Junmyeon’s gaze immediately found its way back to his. 

“How?” He squeaked.

“Like you’re the most beautiful person I know.” Sehun told him, the words coming all too easily as he locked eyes with him, relaxing into their warm brown color. “Before this, during it, now.. The main difference is now you just.. seem alive again. Even injured. You’re smiling more, doing more, your color is back..” Sehun trailed off, using his thumb to stroke idly at one of Junmyeon’s increasingly rose-colored cheeks.

“Sehun..” He let out, diverting his gaze down once again. Sehun prepared for more, but when Junmyeon didn’t say anything else for some time he twisted slightly to find the leader had let his eyes slip closed entirely. 

_Probably exhausted after all that._

Sehun repositioned them so that they were laying instead of sitting on the mattress, and held Junmyeon close as he fell asleep.

\--

Junmyeon woke to find he was pressed comfortably into Sehun’s bare chest, and the momentary surprise of that recollection was overshadowed by its calming effect. He smelled like faint traces of soap and viburnum, and the warmth he was radiating was soothing. 

He tilted his head back slightly, just to check and see if Sehun had also been sleeping. “Oh.” He let out upon finding Sehun to be awake. “Hey.” 

“Hey.” The younger smiled at him, adjusting his hold on Junmyeon slightly as he pulled his body up so they were closer to eye level with each other. “How are you feeling?” 

“Better.” Junmyeon admitted, pleased that it was true. His head was no longer swarming with negative thoughts about himself, they were now just a subtle buzz that he could ignore easily if he focused. 

“Good.” Sehun said, and they laid together like that for a long moment. Junmyeon found that the longer they did the question of Sehun’s feelings seemed to gradually replace the space in his mind that was previously occupied by those self-deprecating thoughts. 

“Sehun?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah?”

“Did you mean what you said earlier? That you think I’m..” He trailed off, struggling to finish his question.

“Beautiful?” Sehun assisted.

“Yeah.. that.” 

“I did.” The younger assured as his eyes scanned Junmyeon’s face carefully. 

Junmyeon nodded, taking a moment to process. He hadn’t entirely questioned it when Sehun’d said it originally, but it was hard for him to accept fully when he seemingly had so much trouble feeling anywhere close to that about himself. And coming from Sehun? 

“Why? Why have you done all of this for me?” Junmyeon started. “Staying at the hospital with me, helping me, saying things like that to me?”

“Junmyeon..” Sehun let out as confusion flooded his face. “Because I care about you.”

“Why.. why do you care about me?”

“You’re my best friend.”

Junmyeon swallowed and lifted his arm between them carefully, placing an open palm against Sehun’s chest and startling somewhat at the heat of his skin. “Maybe.. maybe I’m crazy, but it feels.. feels like more than that.” 

The younger’s cheeks flushed rapidly, and Junmyeon’s stomach fluttered, bordering on shocked that he’d actually said those words out loud. 

“You’re not crazy.” Sehun breathed. 

It was like those affirming words were all Junmyeon needed, and he let his palm trail up from Sehun’s chest to his neck, placing his thumb gently at the side of his face while his other fingers trailed their way past his ear and into his hairline. He leaned in closer, eyes flitting across the younger’s face for a sign of something, anything that told him not to do this, but upon finding none, he closed the remaining few inches between them and pressed his lips gently against Sehun’s.

He only remained there for a moment before his nerves caught up with him and he pulled back, releasing his hold on the younger as he did so. He then proceeded to practically freeze as he waited for some sort of response from Sehun.

“Junmyeon..” He started, and Junmyeon had to hold back a wince as he waited to hear all about how he had misinterpreted everything, and that he had no such feelings for him. 

“You didn’t give me time to kiss you back.” Sehun said, and Junmyeon could only sputter out a few nonsensicals before Sehun’s lips were on his again. 

This kiss started off gently, somewhat familiar territory for Junmyeon, and wouldn't have been too overwhelming were it not for the fact that he was actually _kissing Sehun_. Oh Sehun. 

It became entirely overwhelming when Sehun increased the intensity, entangling his fingers in Junmyeon’s hair and pulling him impossibly closer. He wasn’t the most experienced in kissing, but his worries that the younger might notice that fact didn’t linger long as Sehun’s mouth continued to move against his. 

They only parted when they both were in desperate need for air, foreheads leaned against each other as they panted, breath circling hot between them.

“You have no idea..” Sehun let out around an exhale. “how long I’ve imagined doing that.”

Junmyeon’s now swollen lower lip dropped in surprise. “How long?”

Sehun laughed. “I’ve had an on and off crush on you for as long as I’ve known you.”’ 

“Y-you have?” 

“Yeah, just about.” Sehun smiled before the left side of his mouth pulled up into a smirk. “You haven’t imagined kissing me since the day you met me?”

The teasing nature of the question pulled Junmyeon out of his semi-entranced state, and he rolled his eyes playfully. “Sehun.. you were 15.”

Sehun quirked a brow at him, as if questioning the significance of that statement.

“I was 18!” 

“So?” 

“Come o-” He started, but was cut off by Sehun pulling him in for yet another kiss. 

“I just.. I never thought until recently.. I had always thought you were only interested in women.” Junmyeon explained when they’d separated and his head stopped swirling. 

Sehun nodded. “I do like them, but I’ve always preferred men.. and I’ve.. preferred you for some time now.”

Deciding to wait on the immediate question of what it meant for Sehun to like _both_ men and women, Junmyeon instead decided to focus on the latter part of his admission. “I.. prefer you too.” He told him, smirking somewhat at the reuse of his wording.

Sehun beamed at him, and Junmyeon thought he might melt on the spot. The younger reached up and moved some of the fallen hair out of his eyes, and after he studied seemingly absolutely every feature on Junmyeon’s face thoroughly his smile began to falter. “What.. what does this mean for us?”

“..I don’t know yet.” Junmyeon started, expression falling in a similar manner as he realized that he hadn’t exactly thought this far. “I just know.. I just know I want this.” 

Sehun nodded, their eyes locking before Junmyeon leaned in to kiss him once again, allowing himself to temporarily stave off the incoming terrifying thoughts of what exactly this meant for them.. and how things would be entirely different from here on out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
> 
> this will likely be edited over the next few days. <3
> 
> Comments and feedback are loved.


	16. Rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for my lateness. :( Again, will continue to update this until it's finished, just might be a bit slow until I'm free again in mid-June. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and commenting and everything, hope you're all ready for some cheesy goodness. <3

Shifting his body slightly, Sehun reached over Junmyeon to shut off his alarm for him. The leader appeared to still be fast asleep, and while Sehun hated the thought of interrupting his rest, he also understood that when Junmyeon set an alarm he did so for a reason. 

Not wanting to disturb his peaceful state abruptly, Sehun settled back onto the mattress next to him and placed a gentle hand on his arm. Junmyeon was positioned on his side facing away from him, and Sehun hesitantly scooted in closer. Closer, but still leaving a few inches between his chest and Junmyeon’s upper back. 

He couldn’t help but pause. Waking up Junmyeon on some level ran the risk of this all crumbling down around him now. Junmyeon had kissed him last night, and he’d kissed him back. He felt his face flush with heat as he recalled _just how much_ he’d kissed him back.

He knew Junmyeon wasn’t one to do anything with abandon, but what they were starting wasn’t entirely.. sensible. People lost their careers over this sort of thing. Sehun certainly had a history of being less concerned with what was perceived as appropriate and what wasn’t, but even he could see that.

Regardless of that concern, he also knew Junmyeon would be upset if he let him sleep past his alarm any longer.

“Junmyeon..” He let out quietly, tracing Junmyeon’s bicep with his fingers as he did. 

The leader sighed and shuffled, but didn’t wake, so Sehun moved in slightly closer and tried again, this time a bit more loudly. 

“Mm..” Junmyeon let out after a few long seconds of Sehun's attempts at waking him, and he craned his neck towards him before letting his eyes creak open. “Hey.”

Sehun smiled. “Hey.” 

Junmyeon shifted onto his back and just looked at him, eyes scanning his face for so long that Sehun began to grow even more nervous. “Did last night really happen?” Junmyeon breathed, their eyes now locked.

“I hope so.” Sehun responded after taking a second to process the question, unsure exactly of where this was going. “Do you wish it hadn’t?”

“I.. no.” Junmyeon shook his head with such adorable determination that Sehun had to hold back a smile. "That's not it.. I'm just nervous."

"Why?"

"How could I not be? Us.. doing this, it's dangerous.." Junmyeon paused. "That's why I haven't let myself have feelings for anybody.. and then you go and make me forget all that."

Sehun now couldn't help but smile somewhat cheekily at the leader, ignoring for a moment the serious nature of the discussion. "Are you saying you have feelings for me?"

Junmyeon rolled his eyes but couldn't hold back a smile of his own. "I thought that was obvious.." That same smile quickly gave way to something more serious. "I wouldn't be doing something so risky if I didn't."

Sehun nodded. "I understand.. and I have feelings for you too, you know."

Junmyeon smirked, deciding to take the opportunity to tease in return. "Yeah, since you were 15, huh?"

"Hey, I said on and off."

"Whatever."

Sehun beamed and reached to stroke the side of Junmyeon's face. "I'm crazy about you."

The leader's cheeks went beet red, and Sehun traced the outline of his blush with the pad of his thumb. 

"You alone make me nervous." Junmyeon choked out after another moment had passed.

Sehun pursed his lips, concerned. "How do I make you nervous?" 

Junmyeon let out a breathy laugh, eyes moving back and forth as if counting the ways. "..I'm scared of messing this up. You're so great, smart, and wonderful to me.. You're my best friend." He exhaled. "And you're so.. so gorgeous I don't even know how to think sometimes."

Sehun felt himself blush at that. He'd been called attractive, beautiful, gorgeous, all sorts of those words numerous times by numerous people in his life. None had anywhere near the effect that Junmyeon saying them did.

"I'm scared of messing this up too." He finally responded. "I've never known anybody more caring, or hardworking.. and it's cheesy, but I gave up trying to find a person I find more beautiful than you a long time ago."

Junmyeon's lower lip dropped, and he let out what sounded like a scoff. "Come on.. you can't mean that."

"Why would I lie about that?"

"You.. I'm.. people say I'm the least popular member, remember?” Junmyeon questioned, and as his expression twisted in upset so did Sehun’s stomach. “Even I know that's for a reason."

Sehun shook his head. He'd never been able to understand that. Nor would he ever. "Those people don't see what I see."

"Sehun.." Junmyeon breathed before moving in close to him, wrapping his arms around Sehun's middle and tucking his face into his chest. The younger returned the contact, pulling him in even closer and tangling the hand that wasn't pinned under Junmyeon's side into his hair. 

They laid like that together for a long moment, Sehun all the while gently massaging his scalp. He couldn't seem to get enough of running his fingers through the thick strands. 

"Do you have to be somewhere soon? You set an alarm." Sehun reminded, moving his arm back slightly to allow Junmyeon the space to pull back and look at him. 

"Let me check my calendar." The leader said before carefully turning his body to face away from Sehun once again to reach for his phone. 

Their positioning was such that Sehun played with the idea of spooning him, but Junmyeon quickly made that decision for him. He scooted back in, only stopping when his back was flush with Sehun's front. 

Coiling their legs loosely together, Sehun placed his chin on Junmyeon's shoulder to try and focus on what he was doing on his phone. He needed something to distract him from the fact that his groin was now pressed firmly up against the leader's backside. 

He'd hated himself for noticing how much Junmyeon had rounded out.. there specifically.. since he'd been hospitalized, as he didn’t want to overly sexualize him when he was going through so much. However, it was now hard to ignore when the leader seemingly couldn't stop wiggling his ass against him every time he moved. 

"I'm meeting with manager-hyung at noon, I think I just wanted to get back into the habit of waking up early since I'm getting back to a regular work schedule soon.”

"So I have you to myself for a bit then?"

Junmyeon swallowed audibly. "Yeah, I guess so."

“Good.” Sehun said, moving a hand to tuck the hair that had fallen back into Junmyeon’s face behind his ear. He momentarily wondered what SM’s plans for his hair in their quickly approaching comeback would be. It was so soft, he worried they might bleach it again, but he knew the leader would look great regardless. 

“What.. um, what were you thinking of doing?” Junmyeon asked, anticipation clear in his voice. 

"This.” Sehun let out quietly and leaned in further to replace the fingers he’d been using to rearrange Junmyeon’s hair with his lips, pressing a kiss to the crest of his ear. 

Junmyeon gasped, so Sehun did it again. 

It was as if it only now dawned on Sehun that he could actually try some of the things he’d imagined doing to Junmyeon for so long, and that thought had him nuzzling his face in closer, kissing a trail down from his ear into the crook of his neck. Junmyeon let out another breathy moan and tilted his head to allow him better access, and Sehun accepted the invitation by littering the soft skin with kisses until he settled in on a particularly soft and aromatic dip in his neck. 

He wanted terribly to bite down there and suck, but he was aware any marks made could mean serious trouble for them, so he opted for a few harsher kisses and inhales. Junmyeon was pushing back into him so firmly that Sehun had to channel all remaining mental energy to subdue that familiar heat flowing straight to his groin.

He failed at that, quite miserably, when Junmyeon guided his already roaming hand in and under his shirt, his fingers coming into full contact with the smooth and warm skin of Junmyeon’s stomach. Sehun knew if he didn't move at least his lower body away from the leader he was bound to notice his speedily growing erection. He wanted to explore those things with Junmyeon, he just wasn't entirely sure if either of them were ready for _that_ direct of a suggestion. 

Sehun kissed his way from Junmyeon's neck to the uncovered small of his shoulder as he worked to move his lower body away. He was glad he did, because the quiet choked sounds Junmyeon was making went straight to his cock. Seemed to be a sensitive spot for him.

"Sehun.." Junmyeon breathed out when the younger pulled the collar of his shirt out of the way to have further access to the sensitive skin there. The leader wiggled as if to bring their lower bodies back closer together, and while the thought of Junmyeon grinding back onto him nearly made Sehun's eyes roll back, he put a firm hand on his hip to stop him.

Junmyeon turned his head to attempt to make eye contact, brow furrowed and face completely flushed. "What's wrong?" 

"I uh.." Sehun tried, flexing his grip slightly on Junmyeon's hip. "I'm hard."

The leader's eyes widened and his lips formed a near perfect 'o', eyes flitting from Sehun's face down to his crotch, then back to his face. "Um, that's uh, that's okay. I am too."

Sehun bit back a groan at that information. "Yeah? ..I just thought it might be um.. too soon to put that kind of pressure on you." He said and winced at his phrasing. _Pressure?_

“I don’t think it’s too soon.. to put that pressure on me.” Junmyeon responded, eyes telling him he caught his peculiar word choice as well. “It doesn’t mean we have to do anything more than this.”

Sehun pressed another kiss to Junmyeon’s still exposed shoulder. “Okay.” He mouthed against his skin, garnering another breathy shudder from the leader. Wrapping the hand that still rested on Junmyeon’s hip around his lower stomach, Sehun made to pull him back in close when they were, for lack of a better word, rudely interrupted by their doorknob jostling loudly. 

The leader practically burst from their embrace and out of the bed, and Sehun winced at the impact that sudden movement likely had on Junmyeon's frame.

"Sehunnieee!" Came Baekhyun’s screechy voice from behind the door. It seemed he didn’t understand how locks worked as he stubbornly continued to try to open the locked door, alternating between twisting the knob and knocking sporadically. 

"What?" Sehun near barked, running a hand through his hair in an unsuccessful attempt to calm down. He looked over to find most of the color had left Junmyeon's face. 

"We're just about to leave to go be interviewed for the case, they just told us to grab you too." Baekhyun informed, still speaking at a volume likely louder than what was necessary to be heard through the door. "So get ready.. And don't speak to your hyung that way!"

Sehun rolled his eyes and stood from the bed, accepting that his moment with Junmyeon was officially over. For the time being, he hoped. "Okay, okay. I'll get ready."

“Is leader in there with you? I want to say hi.” Baekhyun’s voice came again.

Sehun looked at Junmyeon, who was still unmoving and blank-faced. “Yeah, he’s here. He’s uh, still in bed, though.”

“Okay, well tell sleepy-head to come say hi to me when he’s up.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Sehun called back, thankful when it sounded like Baekhyun was finally gone. He turned back to the leader and began to ask if he was okay, but was cut off as soon as he opened his mouth. 

“You should get ready.” Junmyeon told him, diverting his eyes away from Sehun’s face as soon as the words left his lips. The upset was now obvious in his expression, and Sehun could understand why, even with a locked door it felt akin to nearly being caught.

“Um, okay.” Sehun nodded. However Junmyeon was taking this, it was readily apparent he didn’t want to discuss it now. Sehun tucked his chin into his chest and walked past him towards the bathroom to start washing up.

He sped through his routine, unclear how much time he had and not wanting to go to the trouble of finding Baekhyun again to ask. Moving from the bathroom back into the bedroom to find a change of clothes, it was only a few minutes longer before he was ready and standing next to the door, looking at Junmyeon worriedly. 

“Hyung?” Sehun asked, solely trying to get his attention. Junmyeon gave it to him, but in a way that felt like he was only half there. “I’ll see you later, yeah? I'll text you on my way back.”

Junmyeon nodded but didn’t move from his seated spot on his mattress, and Sehun wondered what he might have done to say goodbye under normal, less concerning circumstances. Maybe kiss him goodbye? A hug? It was presently neither here nor there, and Sehun gave a slight nod as well before opening and closing their bedroom door behind him.

\--

This felt so absolutely unnecessary. Sehun of course knew that it technically was, now that Junmyeon had confirmed with SM that he wanted to handle it privately and he himself had been interviewed, they were bringing in all the members for a similar yet briefer version.

However, it had been weeks since the incident, so he wasn’t sure exactly what they had been expecting. Sehun’s interview had gone on a lot longer than the rest, and he could understand why, being at the center of the argument that took place that night. 

What he didn’t understand were the questions they’d asked him. They were all very presumptuous and targeted, and with what felt like zero trace of courtesy for the real victim. His favorites were ‘how drunk were you that night?’, “why did you provoke them?’ and ‘what compelled you to make a joke about something as serious as homosexuality?’

Sehun had been rehearsing an answer to that last question since he’d heard from Junmyeon that he had been asked about it, it didn’t take much of a mental leap to presume that he would as well. His answer was honest, that he’d only made the joke in response to their accusations, which were (at the time, at least) not at all based in reality. He hoped it would suffice, as he couldn’t help but worry his having said those things would negatively impact the outcome for Junmyeon, despite the leader having made no mention of concern over it himself.

Jongin, the last interview of the day, then emerged from the conference room and Sehun had to resist the urge to jump up from his chair. As soon as the lawyers came out from behind him and dismissed the group, Sehun stood to give a quick bow before turning on his heel and walking out of the room. He probably should have waited to walk with the other members, but he was in a rush to get back to the dorm and speak with Junmyeon. Hopefully he was out of his meeting with manager-hyung.

Seeing that the members were all without other plans for the day, they’d discussed meeting to practice choreo together in an hour or so. Sehun was sure that despite Junmyeon not quite being in physical shape to partake in that, he would still appreciate being invited. He could always watch or cheer them on. Turning right into the hallway that led to their dorm's entrance, Sehun resolved to lead with that invitation before jumping into the question of how Junmyeon was feeling about what had happened that morning.

He keyed in their code quickly, swinging the door open and shut behind him as he entered. It looked like Junmyeon was home, judging by their bedroom door being propped open, and Sehun could feel a wave of anxiety hit him as he walked cautiously towards their doorway. 

Junmyeon was sitting at his desk, a few pillows behind his back for support as he typed away on his laptop. He closed it as soon as Sehun had entered and shut the door behind him, swiveling his chair so he was facing the younger head-on. Sehun could feel his stomach drop, mentally preparing for a long winded monologue on why they couldn't do this. Why it was too dangerous and not worth the risk.

"We need to talk about what happened this morning." Junmyeon finally said, and Sehun nodded, releasing a defeated "okay" as he pulled up his own chair. No way could he be standing up for this. 

"We can't just.. can't be so careless about this." Junmyeon started, causing Sehun's brow to scrunch. "Thankfully the door was locked, but it could have just as easily not been since we don't always think to lock it, and then what would have happened if Baekhyun saw us like that? If any of them saw us like that?"

Junmyeon paused to take a breath, expression darkening as if imagining that scenario in depth, and Sehun waited. 

"If we're going to do this, that door always needs to be locked.. and even then, I don't feel comfortable doing.. anything unless we're alone in the dorm. Or when everybody's asleep, at least."

Sehun gaped. “I.. um, yes, I agree.”

“Why are you making that face at me?”

“I just, I thought you were going to tell me that we couldn’t do this at all.” 

Junmyeon’s expression softened, something that looked like guilt furrowing his brow. “I did think about that.. I thought about it for a while. But I just couldn’t. I don’t want to do that.”

Sehun saw the opportunity and he took it. “What do you want?”

“To have my cake and eat it too, I guess.” Junmyeon let out on an exasperated chuckle, clearly no true humor in it. 

“Am I the cake?” Sehun asked with the beginnings of a smile, hoping to ease the tension between them. They were at least a meter apart and he decidedly did not like that. 

Junmyeon just gave him a look, one that suggested Sehun damn well already knew the answer to that question, and he continued on. “I decided that as long as we can be more careful, I think it’s worth trying. I.. you’re worth it to me.”

That line had Sehun sinking into his seat, and his heart sinking to his stomach. “Junmyeon..” He started, trying to wrap his head around his words. He suddenly felt guilty, understanding what exactly Junmyeon was risking for this. Sehun certainly loved being a part of EXO, it had changed his life, but he didn’t have anywhere near the emotional stake in it that Junmyeon did. “I think you are too, but we have to realize.. We have to accept that doing this could mean being caught. We can do everything possible to keep that from happening, and I think we’ll do well at it, but we have to understand that there will always be that risk.”

Junmyeon sighed. Sehun wanted to take his hand, move his chair closer and put an arm around him, sit in his lap.. something, but he was still too worried over what was now deemed acceptable physical contact between them. 

“I know.” Junmyeon finally let out, running a hand down his thigh. “I’m struggling to find it in me to care much right now.” 

“You do care, though.” Sehun reminded. “It might be hard to remember right now with your recovery and SM ragging on us, but you love this.” He paused and let his gaze drop to his feet, knowing he needed to add more precautionary suggestions but really, really not wanting to. “Maybe this should wait.. Wait until things go back to normal, the comeback starts up, to make this sort of decision.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. I mean, if you want to wait, that’s up to you. But I’ve thought about it and I don’t.” 

Sehun exhaled, relief washing over him. “I don’t either.”

“So we’re going to do this?” Junmyeon asked in one breath, and Sehun could no longer resist reaching out and taking his hand. It felt wrong to agree on something of this caliber without some sort of contact, besides, the way Junmyeon was looking at him practically demanded it.

“Yes.” 

Junmyeon finally smiled. Sehun squeezed his hand as he smiled back. 

“Okay, well I think we should establish some ground rules, then.” Junmyeon began, and Sehun had to resist a giggle as the leader launched into a well thought out list of all the things they could and couldn’t do, including the aforementioned always locking the door, which Sehun teasingly did in response to his bringing it up again. Junmyeon made it clear that they should continue with their usual platonic public contact, which Sehun was relieved to hear, and he agreed it might be more suspicious if they halted it completely. The leader seemed less sure of his words when he got into discussing the.. non-platonic contact, but Sehun did his best to help him fill in the blanks. 

It was a heavy conversation, and Sehun would be lying if he said it didn’t put a blaring spotlight on just how much they’d have to hide to be able to have any sort of romantic relationship. The strong urge to kiss Junmyeon as he continued on in his typical (and adorable) professional manner, but not being able to per his ground rules of no non-platonic contact when members were home and awake, only made it worse. 

“That’s all I have right now. But it’ll probably change as this goes on.” Junmyeon said, and Sehun smiled at him again. It was nice to think about this lasting, Sehun had never had more than quick trysts with random girls, no feelings towards any of them. This felt like the exact opposite of that, and while it was obviously terrifying for numerous reasons, he couldn’t put into words how happy it made him. 

“Okay, leader. I’ll let you know if I have any suggestions.” Sehun teased, and Junmyeon smacked his thigh. “Earlier the guys and I all talked about meeting up in..” he checked his watch “a half hour to do some dance practice, do you want to come?”

“Of course.” Junmyeon answered. It was only then, upon their return to more normal topics, that Sehun noticed how much closer they’d gotten over the course of this conversation. God, did he want to kiss him. Compromising, he used the pad of his thumb to stroke circles into the palm of Junmyeon’s hand, hoping it conveyed at least some of his affections. 

Junmyeon side-eyed the lock on the door, and listened quietly for a long moment before seemingly deeming it safe and leaning in and kissing Sehun. It was brief, their lips only meeting for a few mere seconds, but it was still better than anything he could have previously even dreamed of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all. I'm so rusty at sex scenes and we've got something like that in here, and there's more coming up. D; Bear with me, I'll be doing some homework as I work on the next chapter (aka reading more porn) so hopefully it will be good. 
> 
> Comments and feedback very much appreciated. <3


	17. Sweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all. This is the last week of my MS. Almost done! Then I can finish this fic! 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this one in the meantime. <3
> 
> CW: weeoo weeoo sexual activity ahead ;)

Sehun used his peripheral vision to peer over at Junmyeon, presently sat next to him at their large dining table. He had placed a hand on the leader's thigh, out of the general field of vision and commonly a platonic form of contact, but Sehun could tell he had tensed up as a result. 

The tension between them in the last week or so (six days to be exact, not that Sehun was counting) had been palpable. Junmyeon had set the ground rules, and while Sehun wholeheartedly agreed on their necessity, it hadn't made this any easier. 

With all of the members on such alternating schedules, at least one if not multiple had been in the dorm at all times when both Junmyeon and Sehun were home. As such, they'd only managed to sneak in the occasional, but of course wonderful, kiss late into the night when they were sure everybody else was asleep. Junmyeon was far from a night owl, and with every one of his yawns during the day Sehun felt guiltier and guiltier that he was forcing himself to stay up just so they could have that time together. It was never for very long either, as it was frequently interrupted by Junmyeon yawning and nodding off in his arms, and Sehun was admittedly still a bit nervous about attempting to move things further. 

Tonight, though, was different. They were both, near painfully, aware that all of the members were either already out for the day or would be leaving following dinner. This would effectively leave them alone in the dorm for the entire evening, if not the entire night. No direct discussion between them had taken place about this, almost as if they were both too nervous about jinxing it and the opportunity crumbling down around them, but the understanding was clearly mutual.

Sehun turned his head just enough to officially get the leader’s attention, and gave him a soft smile while gently squeezing his thigh, hoping to relax him some. Junmyeon’s response of an adorably nervous smile only made Sehun’s wider. They were finishing up dinner with the last member to leave, Jongdae, who seemed to be taking his sweet time as far as Sehun was concerned. 

“So what are you two gonna do tonight?” Jongdae asked, looking between the two of them as he fed another spoonful of food into his mouth. 

"Good question." Sehun mused, turning back to Junmyeon as he slid his hand slightly further up his leg and squeezed again.

Junmyeon swallowed and gave Sehun a look before attempting to respond. "Probably nothing much, I have a pretty busy schedule tomorrow so I might turn in early.. What about you, Sehun?"

"Oh, probably the same thing." Sehun said airily, keeping his hand in place but stroking lightly at the indent of Junmyeon’s thigh with his thumb. 

Jongdae raised a brow. “Boring. What happened to adventure-boy Sehun? You haven’t been doing as much as you usually do since you two got back.” 

“Yeah.” Sehun shrugged. “Maybe I realized the true adventure is quality time with my fellow members.” 

That got a laugh out of both Junmyeon and Jongdae, until Jongdae added onto it with “More like quality time with Junmyeonnie. If that’s the case then why haven’t you been hanging out with me more?” 

Jongdae pouted and Sehun mimicked the expression, amping up the pity factor. “I didn’t realize you were hurt, we can set up a playdate together when you get back.”

Instead of a light-hearted glare like Sehun might have expected, Jongdae just smiled, eyes closing into half-moons. “I'll be holding you to that, Sehunnie.” He told him, stacking his dishes up quickly before standing from his spot. “Okay, I’m gonna get ready to go.” 

Both Sehun and Junmyeon nodded and attempted to casually return to their forgotten food, chewing at it absentmindedly as they watched Jongdae pack up to leave in their periphery. 

"Okay, bye guys!" Jongdae called from the door, and they both turned to wave as he opened and closed the door behind him. 

A long silence followed the motorized sound of the dorm's front door locking, and Sehun was still in the process of piecing together a sentence when Junmyeon stood and cleared his throat. 

"Are you done with that?" He asked, pointing at the younger's plate that had only a few bites left on it. 

"Uh, yeah, sure."

Junmyeon nodded and wordlessly picked it up along with his own before bringing it over to the sink and turning the tap on. 

Sehun just watched, taking in the sight of him. Now that they had started something physical, the metaphorical floodgates of Sehun's attraction had practically swung open. He often felt that all he could think about now was Junmyeon and how gorgeous he was. He stared, eyeing the flex of Junmyeon’s shoulders and biceps as he rinsed and washed the dishes. How his soft and loose hair, tucked partially behind his ears, shone in the generally unflattering fluorescent lights of their kitchen. The hard yet soft lines of his jaw and chin, and his round, deep brown eyes, which grew all the bigger after he turned his head to find Sehun staring.

"I'm, um, going to go change." Junmyeon told him, looking down either out of nerves or to assess his current state of dress. He typically changed straight into loungewear when he got back to the dorm for the night, but today he'd gotten distracted by dinner. 

Sehun just nodded, and watched carefully as Junmyeon crossed the space towards their room. He was walking somewhat slowly, and peering over at Sehun occasionally as he did. 

"Do you want privacy?" Sehun blurted, prompting Junmyeon to stop in his tracks.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times before he finally managed to push noise out. "I, um.. no." 

Once again just nodding in response, Sehun stood and followed Junmyeon into their room, turning the lock on the door after shutting it behind them. 

Suddenly unsure of what to do, Sehun took a seat on his mattress as Junmyeon went about finding a change of clothes. Sex had always just sort of.. happened for him in the past, and if he dug into those experiences enough he realized it was mostly because the girls had done the majority of the initiating. 

Now he was stuck, at a loss for how to initiate anything with the one person who'd ever made him want to try.

But then Junmyeon took off his shirt, and it was like another wave of inspiration crashed over him. 

"Wait." He breathed out as he stood, prompting Junmyeon to pause the motion of bringing his new shirt on over his head. Sehun moved in closer, plucking the soft T-shirt from his hands as he let his eyes roam from Junmyeon's lower stomach up to his chest, then finally halting at his face. 

"Can I touch you?" He asked quietly, and Junmyeon's gaze trembled before he bit down lightly on his lower lip and nodded. Sehun momentarily contemplated leaning in further and biting down on that lower lip himself, but he shook the compulsion off, wanting to ease into this. 

After placing the T-shirt down on the surface closest to them, Sehun moved in closer, placing a tentative hand on Junmyeon's waist. That initial contact gave him a bit more confidence, and he trailed his fingers from his waist to the smooth definition of his abdomen, tracing the subtle outlines of the musculature there. 

He wrapped his left hand around the other side of Junmyeon's waist to hopefully provide support, as he worked his right hand up past his chest and around the side of his neck, massaging lightly at one of the spots Sehun knew the leader carried a great deal of tension.

The strength holding Junmyeon's eyelids open began to falter, and a breathy sigh escaped his lips, ghosting out invitingly across Sehun's chest. 

"You're absolutely breathtaking, you know that?" Sehun let out, and Junmyeon's eyes shot open again, cheeks growing pinker as he found and held the younger’s gaze. Sehun was preparing to say more when he was cut off by Junmyeon's mouth on his, lips moving inexpertly but passionately against his own. 

Sehun tangled a hand into his hair, pushing back into the kiss eagerly, and taking the opportunity to trap that full lower lip between his own and bite down gently. Junmyeon let out a surprised moan, parting his lips slightly to grant Sehun better access, which the younger took readily. He sucked down, running his tongue lightly across his lower lip before cautiously prodding with it at the entrance of Junmyeon’s mouth. When Junmyeon’s tongue met his own, Sehun deepened the kiss further. 

“You taste sweet.” Junmyeon whispered when they broke apart to catch their breath.

“Probably the red pepper sauce from dinner.”

Junmyeon shook his head. “No, I think it’s just you.” 

Sehun grinned, and leaned back in to take Junmyeon’s mouth again. He wrapped his arms carefully around him to hold him secure as he moved them back towards his bed, easing the leader down onto the mattress before positioning himself over him. As he did so, their now fully hardened lengths brushed together, and Junmyeon gasped loudly.

“Is this too much?” Sehun asked, lifting and bracing his body weight on his arms positioned on either side of Junmyeon. 

“I, no, I’ve just..” Junmyeon started, eyes darting away from Sehun’s. “I’ve never done this before.” 

Unthinkingly, Sehun blurted. “That’s okay, I haven’t either.” 

There was a pause as Junmyeon’s brow furrowed. “That’s not true.. I know you’ve gone off with girls a lot.”

Realizing this might take a moment, Sehun moved to settle in on his side next to Junmyeon. “Well, yeah.. this is my first time with another man.” He explained, confused at this point.

If Junmyeon’s cheeks were a soft rosy pink before, they were beet red now. “Sehun.. I’ve never done this with _anybody_ before.”

Sehun choked, his own cheeks flushing from embarrassment over his assumptions. “I.. I’m sorry.” He managed. “You.. you’re.. really?”

Junmyeon just nodded, eyes still wide. “Does it bother you?” He asked, and Sehun’s stomach twisted in guilt at the very thought of that.

“No, not at all.” He assured. “I’m just surprised. It’s hard for me to understand how that’s possible.. You know, with you being you.” He used his hand to gesture from Junmyeon’s face, down the length of his body, and back to his face. 

Junmyeon seemed comforted somewhat by that, and he offered Sehun a small smile. “I mean, it’s not like I haven’t had offers.. But it’s mostly from women and I’ve just never been able to bring myself to be interested in that.” 

“ _Mostly_ from women?” 

Junmyeon returned eye contact, and bit down on his lower lip again. God, that was going to drive Sehun crazy. “Yeah, mostly. Some men have.. made suggestions.. But like I’ve said I never thought it was worth the risk.”

“Yeah.” Sehun looked down, that same guilt from their discussion a week ago seeping back in. He could certainly understand where Junmyeon was coming from.

“And then there’s you.” Junmyeon said, bringing Sehun’s attention back. “I want you.” He added, just above a whisper. 

Sehun leaned in and kissed him softly, then pulled back again. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He let out, pink tongue darting out across his lips, as if seeking the last traces of Sehun’s. “I’m just.. what if it’s not as.. good to you? I know you’ve been with beautiful women.. and I’m not that.. I’m a man. And just, what if, what if you don't like it?”

Sehun allowed for a pause as Junmyeon collected himself before answering. "Junmyeon.." He started, mentally attempting to organize his thoughts in the best way possible. "Just kissing you is better than anything I've done with anybody else.. Please don’t worry about that.. And what about you?” He questioned, poking at Junmyeon’s chest affectionately. “How do you know if you’ll like it if you haven’t tried it?” 

Junmyeon’s concerned expression broke with a chuckle. “Okay, fair, I see your point.” 

“Good.” Sehun smiled. 

The leader looked at him for a long moment before wiggling closer. “So..” He started, peering up at Sehun. “Can we try that again?” 

All Sehun had to do was nod and Junmyeon’s lips were on his again, his movements and touches noticeably more confident. The younger groaned when Junmyeon pushed his tongue past his lips, and Sehun rotated their bodies so that he was positioned on top of him once again. 

Now, instead of a gasp, Junmyeon moaned loudly when their quickly re-hardening cocks rutted together, and Sehun's eyes nearly rolled back behind closed lids when Junmyeon grinded up into him, desperate for more contact. 

As Sehun set into a pace above him, Junmyeon began working at attempting to get his shirt off, impatient movements suggesting resentment that it hadn't been off this entire time. Sehun pulled back enough to move his arms so that Junmyeon could pull it off him, and he had it almost past his armpits when Junmyeon winced bodily and retreated his grip. 

"You okay?" Sehun asked, reaching out to where Junmyeon's hands were gripping at his ribs.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Junmyeon waved him off. "Just forgot about it for a minute there. Could you take your shirt off for me?" 

Sehun let out a breathy laugh. "Of course." Quickly finishing Junmyeon's work by peeling the shirt the rest of the way off of himself, he settled back in close to Junmyeon. The skin of their chests meeting sent tingles to every corner of his body, and Sehun relished in the contact before moving to place a firm kiss at the crook of Junmyeon's neck, then his collarbone, then his chest. He took his time pressing soft kisses to his rib cage, using his lips to trace lines around where the big glaring bruises used to be. Junmyeon exhaled beneath him, peering down when Sehun moved his mouth down to his abdomen. 

Sehun paused, his face now close enough to Junmyeon's crotch that it would only take moving down another few centimeters to be face to face with it. The heat radiating from him in waves was making it difficult for Sehun to resist just completely burying his face there. 

"Junmyeon?" He asked between kisses to his stomach. 

"Yeah?" Came the squeaky reply. 

"What do you think about me blowing you?" 

There was a pause, and Sehun pressed another kiss closer to the hem of his pants. "I.. think it sounds good." Junmyeon finally choked out, and Sehun once again had to resist the urge to tear his pants off and dive in, instead reaching to press a careful palm against the thick heat of him. Junmyeon inhaled sharply, and Sehun traced the outline of his cock before finally moving to undo the button and zipper of his pants. He pulled them down just enough to expose the boxer briefs he was wearing, then hooked a finger into the waistband to pull those down as well. 

Junmyeon's cock flexed upwards without the restrictive fabric of the briefs holding it down any longer, and Sehun looked up to find his gaze before wrapping a hand around the base of him. Junmyeon moaned, and Sehun's own cock twitched when Junmyeon's did in his firm grip. He moved in and pressed a kiss to the head before using his tongue to trace a line down to the base of his shaft, then back up again. The leader was practically trembling when Sehun took the head of him into his mouth, and he let his left hand roam Junmyeon's hips and torso, using a bit of pressure to hopefully stabilize him somewhat. 

It was something Sehun had always fantasized about doing, and Junmyeon hot and heavy on his tongue was better than all of those fantasies combined. However, his lack of experience meant it took him some time to establish a rhythm, alternating between his mouth and his hand to work Junmyeon's cock. He wasn't sure if the leader even noticed this internal struggle in the slightest, writhing and moaning seemingly indiscriminately beneath him. Junmyeon's pleasure only fed back into Sehun's enthusiasm, and he attempted pulling him into his mouth further every time Junmyeon choked out his name. 

"Se-Sehun.” Junmyeon's now raspy voice sounded again, fingers tangling into the younger's hair. "If you keep.. I'm going- I'm gonna come."

Sehun hummed around him, clasping his lips tightly with suction while once again trying to pull him in deeper in an effort to communicate that that was okay. What he wanted, even. 

Junmyeon seemed to understand the message, thrusting up into his mouth slightly before moaning his name as he came hard. Sehun could feel the heat hit the back of his throat, and he gagged in his attempt to swallow down around him. Junmyeon wasn't small, and neither was the orgasm he'd just hit him with. 

Sehun eventually pulled his mouth off of him, using the back of his hand to wipe at his lips as he swallowed again. 

"Sehun.." Junmyeon exhaled, and Sehun traveled back up the expanse of his body until they were face to face again. "Thank you. That was.. that was.. wow."

"You're welcome." Sehun chuckled, closing the space between them to press a kiss to his cheek, only to have Junmyeon turn his face to catch his lips with his own. He'd hesitated out of concern that Junmyeon wouldn't want to taste himself on him, but it didn't appear he minded if his tongue roaming the expanse of Sehun's mouth was any indication.

Junmyeon's hands were now also roaming his body, trailing their way down to his now severely aching cock and stroking it lightly through his sweats. 

"Can I.. what would you like me to do?" He asked, fully palming him now. 

"This." Sehun moaned. "More of this."

Junmyeon nodded, gently maneuvering to pull his pants down just enough to expose his cock. There was a long pause afterwards, and Sehun followed Junmyeon's gaze to determine what had stopped him. 

"You.. you're huge." Junmyeon let out, finally peeling his wide eyes away from Sehun's dick and back to his face. He was saved from having to figure out how to respond to a comment like that when Junmyeon finally wrapped his hand around him and began stroking. 

Sehun shouldn't have been so surprised at Junmyeon's skill, he had very similar equipment to practice on, but that logic didn't save him from approaching orgasm almost embarrassingly quickly. He managed to sound out a quick warning to Junmyeon before he bucked hard into his grip, spilling out over his hand and down onto his stomach. 

With his arms about to give out from the magnitude of his orgasm, he collapsed on his side next to Junmyeon, snuggling in close and pressing kisses to his shoulder as he began to come down from the high of his climax. 

His focus shifted when Junmyeon moved slightly, and Sehun watched as he lifted his still come laden hand to his mouth and clasped his lips around it. 

It had to be one of the hottest things Sehun had ever seen in his life, and he wished he could etch the image into his brain for safe keeping. 

Junmyeon seemed to notice his gawking and turned to look at him. "What?" He asked, pink tongue darting out across his hand. "Wanted to see what you taste like." He added, as if completely unaware of the effect this was having on Sehun.

"Yeah?" He choked. "How is it?"

Junmyeon smiled. "Good." He answered before closing his mouth down around the last bit on his thumb, releasing the digit with a pop from those round lips when he finished. 

"Fuck." Sehun breathed, moving to take Junmyeon's mouth again harshly with his own, now tasting faint traces of himself on the leader's tongue. 

By the time they released each other they were both entirely spent, and Sehun used the last remnants of his energy to find a tissue to wipe the last bit of mess from Junmyeon's stomach. The leader assisted him in pulling his sweats the short distance back up over his hips before leaving the bed momentarily to change into a pair of his own. He snuggled back into Sehun's arms immediately upon his return, and pressed a sweet kiss to his collarbone before leaning back slightly to reestablish eye contact. 

"How was that for you?" He asked sheepishly, cheeks pink again. 

Sehun smiled, unsure how his feelings about it hadn't been very obvious based on all the likely ridiculous sounds he'd made, but he was more than happy to voice it with words. 

"Amazing.. you're amazing."

Junmyeon returned the smile before nuzzling back into his chest, pressing a few more kisses there before sighing contentedly. 

"You are too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too graphic? Not graphic enough? This fic is so lovey I wasn't sure where to go with it, hopefully I found something close to a happy medium. I have recently been playing with the idea of a separate oneshot (once this is done ofc) where Sehun is a brat and Suho just fucks the shit out of him. V graphic. Lemme know if that sounds of interest.
> 
> Also, if you were expecting anal to start, I apologize. Seemed a bit much for two first-timers, but they'll get around to it. Promise.
> 
> As always, feedback and comments in general are loved. <3


	18. Save

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, life happened. D: After I graduated I had to move cross country, then leave the country! But finally I am here with another update. I've written in advance, just need to edit now. There should be about ~2 more chapters （and probably an epilogue) for this fic. 
> 
> I'm so sorry for the delay and thank you to all that are keeping up with this. <3 

Junmyeon sighed contentedly as he ran a hand through Sehun's hair. The younger had practically tackled him when he'd arrived at the dorm, and they were now sprawled across his bed, with Junmyeon on his back and Sehun nestled in close to his side, head on his chest.

Even with the excruciatingly long day he'd had, it was as if being with Sehun like this gave him another burst of energy. 

Junmyeon trailed his fingers out of Sehun's hair to stroke the side of his face. He practically melted when the younger tilted his head slightly to look up at him, big brown eyes widening as if asking a question. 

"How was your day?" Junmyeon asked, stroking his cheek and ear lightly before reaching his hand back into his hair. 

"It was fine. Mostly a lot of choreo practice with Jongin."

Junmyeon smiled. "Sounds like you've been at that a lot more lately."

"Yeah, I've mysteriously found some motivation to try harder." Sehun grinned. "Jongin is skeptical it'll last but I like to think he's proud of me."

"Well, if he isn't I am."

Sehun was practically beaming, and Junmyeon watched as he went through the now familiar motion of leaning in and clearly wanting to kiss him, but remembering half-way that he shouldn't, instead sneaking a quick kiss to his cheek. _Was it not driving him crazy too?_

"Thank you." Sehun said before snuggling back into the crook of Junmyeon's arm. 

He let out a quiet 'of course' in response before they both settled into a comfortably drawn out silence. 

"I um, heard about the case today." Sehun said, interrupting both the quiet and the calm of the moment. 

"What about it?" 

"That they're holding the meeting next Friday." He said and paused. "They didn't give me any more details other than I needed to be there."

Junmyeon pursed his lips, they'd also confirmed with him earlier that the meeting (or 'trial' as SM seemed to like calling it) to officially put the case of his attack to rest would take place in just a week's time. His feelings were mixed. He found himself wanting to get it over with quickly right alongside wanting to delay having to see his attackers again as much as possible. This conflicted state of being pulled in both directions just made him more miserable about the entire ordeal. 

Sehun seemed to pick up on his distress, moving a protective arm around Junmyeon's middle and squeezing gently.

Junmyeon swallowed. "I don't know much more than you.. I've honestly just been hoping you'll actually be in there with me."

"Hopefully." Sehun responded, pressing a light kiss near where his head rested on his chest. "I just think it's a bit of a weird move."

"What is?"

"Holding it right before everybody leaves for Seollal?" Sehun questioned, eyebrows scrunched. 

Junmyeon interjected before the younger could continue. "Seollal is the week after next?" He asked, eyes wide. How could he forget something like that?

"Yeah.." Sehun's brow scrunched further, as if thinking that same question himself. 

"Oh no." He breathed, his anxiety spiking as he completely lost track of their discussion on the case, mind overtaken by thoughts of having to return home to his family. Alone. "That means.. no.. I don't think I can go home.. not after everything." He paused to inhale again. "I've been doing so well, it'll just.. seeing them, it'll ruin it."

"You don't have to go."

Normally the thought of that would be unheard of, missing something as important to the family as lunar new year festivities, but for Junmyeon's family? Sehun might be onto something. 

"There was one year in training I remember I couldn't.. we were too busy. They didn't seem to mind." He recalled. "Maybe I could tell them we're too busy with the comeback? I just even after everything hate lying to them."

Sehun shrugged. "If you feel not going is better for your health I don't think it's a problem."

Junmyeon tangled his hand absentmindedly into the back of Sehun's shirt as he let out a sigh. "Yeah, I think you're right. It's worth it."

"So you won't be going home?" Sehun asked, and Junmyeon sighed again before nodding his head to confirm. 

The younger opened his mouth as if to say something else, but shut it almost immediately thereafter, burying his increasingly nervous face back into Junmyeon's chest. 

Junmyeon was about to ask if something was wrong when Sehun lifted his head again, opening and closing his mouth a few more times before asking "Would you want to come home with me?"

It was apparently Junmyeon's turn to open his mouth and have no words come out. A long moment passed before he finally managed to respond with a question of his own. "You mean like home with you for Seollal? With your family?"

"Yeah." Sehun let out. "I would like it if you did."

"Do you think.. you think your parents would be okay with that?"

"Yeah, they're really welcoming.. and they love you." The younger assured before his face broke with a sheepish grin. "They know how much you take care of me." 

Junmyeon felt some of the tension lift as he smiled as well, moving his hand back to ruffle Sehun's hair. "It's been more you taking care of me recently."

"It's only fair." Sehun said, still grinning. "And I like taking care of you."

"Is that why you're inviting me home with you? Can't get enough of helping me take my shirts off?" Junmyeon teased, then cringed when he realized that question could be interpreted in a different sort of way.

Sehun of course caught onto that. "Well, I mean.." He started, wagging his eyebrows suggestively before Junmyeon swatted at him.

Sehun pretended to be in pain for a few seconds before smiling again and continuing. "I'd miss you a lot, don't really like the idea of you being alone here either. I know my family would love to see you too."

Junmyeon's expression fell slightly at the repeated mention of Sehun's family. If Sehun was bringing anybody home for Seollal it should be a significant other he could be open with, introduce to his parents as his partner. Not just his friend. Or co-member.

This train of thought had been all the more frequent recently. Part of him still couldn't believe this relationship with Sehun was happening, but an even bigger part was beginning to feel sure it would end. With every sly kiss they stole late at night, and how long they'd had to wait before taking it further, and would have to wait before doing so again, Junmyeon was sure Sehun would wake up and realize this wasn't worth it. He had the option of pursuing a completely socially acceptable relationship with a woman, and enjoying it, and Junmyeon just couldn't see how he wouldn't eventually realize how much easier and safer that would be. If Junmyeon had a stronger resolve he might have stopped this for him already. 

"You don't think it's.. you don't feel strange about it? Taking me home.. like that?" Junmyeon finally asked, hoping Sehun understood what he meant. He usually did. 

"No.. I mean, I wish it could be different.. But if they can't know about us I at least want them to know you."

Junmyeon suddenly felt warm all over. "Sehun.."

"They might think it's a little strange you're not with your own family, but I know they won't ask you about it." Sehun continued, tracing the lines and dips of Junmyeon's chest idly with his left hand. 

"I… okay." He breathed. If Sehun was bound to wake up and end this eventually, Junmyeon was going to enjoy it as long as it lasted. 

"Okay you'll come?"

"Yeah."

Sehun just smiled and hugged him close, and Junmyeon wasn't sure how it was possible that he could flush any more than he already had. 

Junmyeon slid his arm in between them, pressing his palm lightly against Sehun's chest. “But could you please check in with your family to make sure it's okay?"

Sehun looked back up at him. _There's that smile again._ "Of course. Will that make you feel better?"

 _No. "Yes."_

Sehun pulled out his phone and Junmyeon watched as he went through the motions of texting his mom. He was entirely giddy, and Junmyeon couldn't help but feel puzzled once again. Either Sehun didn't care about their having to hide in the slightest or he was still naive to the reality of their situation. 

Junmyeon just wasn't sure which it was, and he was too scared it was the latter to ask.

"Sent." Sehun informed, returning his phone to the bedside table before wrapping his arm back around him. 

"Thank you." 

"Of course."

He calmed down all the more when Sehun proceeded to delve more into his day, focusing in on the apparently "extremely awkward" moment that had occurred earlier that day when Taemin had joined him and Jongin temporarily to practice. As much as Junmyeon did his best to limit his participation in gossip, he couldn't help but join a giggly Sehun in postulating all of the possible reasons as to why. 

\--

The days leading up to the case meeting went more quickly than Junmyeon had anticipated. It shouldn't have come as much of a surprise seeing that he had returned to his work as leader almost immediately after returning from the hospital, now only getting breaks when he had to go back for his outpatient appointments. He loved his job, and while he understood he was likely being overworked as he should be focusing on rest and healing, it was hard to push for that when it improved his mood and passed the time the way it did. 

Yet, here he was, getting dressed and ready the morning of his trial day, wishing time could have gone more slowly. 

Sehun peered out from the open bathroom, glancing at Junmyeon's face then down to his hands, which were shakily attempting to do up the buttons of his shirt. 

"Do you need any help?" Sehun asked, the concern obvious on his face despite his also obvious attempt at appearing casual. 

"No, I-" He started, but stopped when he realized he'd been trying to hook the same button for the last minute. "Yes, thank you."

Sehun simply nodded in response, which Junmyeon appreciated, before crossing over to him and making efficient work of buttoning up his shirt. 

"You alright?" Sehun asked after finishing with his buttons to find he was still shaking. He placed a stabilizing hand on the older's chest. 

"I.." Junmyeon started again, wondering if he should try another attempt at putting on a brave face, but similarly decided against it. Sehun was one of the few people who might actually be able to calm him down, and he'd likely see through the farse anyways. "No. I'm terrified.” He let out and dropped his head momentarily. "What if they don't stick to the agreement?"

"They will."

"How could you know that?"

"They gave you their word.. and we're talking about the leader of their best group versus some trainees?" Sehun raised a brow. "They've been giving us a hard time for our mistakes but we never breached contract the way they did."

Junmyeon sighed and leaned in closer to the younger. "Yeah, I know.. I just think I hate that I have to see them again. I don't know how it'll feel." 

"Yeah.." Sehun agreed, taking one of his hands into his own and rubbing his palm gently. "Well, this should be the last time you'll have to."

Junmyeon sighed and closed the distance between them, dropping his head to rest against Sehun's shoulder. "Hopefully."

The younger tangled his left hand into Junmyeon's hair in response before pressing a quick kiss to the top of his head. Junmyeon sighed again, though this time more so from pleasure at the contact. 

He wasn't sure if he was simply letting his nerves get the best of him, but without any further thought he pulled his head back slightly and took Sehun's mouth with his own. The younger startled initially, but quickly responded in turn with the kiss, syncing with Junmyeon's movements. 

It wasn't until Junmyeon's hand slipped just past the hem of Sehun's shirt that the latter pulled back, stopping his hand in its tracks with his own. "Hey.." Sehun breathed, smiling with now swollen lips. "You're breaking your rules, and we really shouldn't do this when we need to get going soon, babe."

It was obvious the petname was a slip of the tongue, and Junmyeon's heart swelled as Sehun nervously stuttered out a few nonsensicals. Eventually he took pity on the younger and cut him off with another quick kiss, saving him from having to generate some explanation as to why he had called him that. Junmyeon was content in the moment, and found he wasn't entirely sure he was ready for that sort of explanation either. 

While reluctant, he managed to eventually pull back to a more appropriate distance. "You're right, we should go see if the others are ready."

Sehun cleared his throat and nodded, a level of gratitude and concern both visible in his expression, before he followed the older out of their room. 

\---

"Ah, Junmyeon, Sehun. If both of you will follow me." Their manager greeted them as they arrived at location with the rest of the members. The meeting was being held in the conference hall, and Junmyeon and Sehun followed their manager as he lead them across the hall's lobby into one of the many off-branching conference rooms.

Junmyeon cleared his throat. “Where will the other members be waiting?"

Their manager gestured towards their assigned seats before answering. "They'll be waiting in the room across the hall, we'll be bringing some of them in through the meeting as needed."

Junmyeon nodded and adjusted his collar slightly before taking his seat, which was thankfully next to Sehun's.

"If you'll excuse me, I need to reconvene with the lawyers before we bring the trainees in." Their manager informed before turning on his heel and heading out, causing a spike of anxiety to rocket through Junmyeon. 

Sehun apparently noticed. "If you need anything at any point just let me know, yeah?" He said, successfully catching Junmyeon's gaze and offering him a small smile. "I can make a scene to distract at any time." 

Junmyeon attempted to pull up the corners of his mouth to smile in return, but failed despite how sweet Sehun looked. "Hopefully that won't be necessary.. I just want to get this over with." 

As if some twisted spiritual force was listening in on him, the conference room door opened again. Their manager stepped in, followed closely by Mr. Choi, Mr. Lee, and a few other SM employees Junmyeon did not recognize. After they rounded the table, none other than Kim Jungsu and his three other attackers entered. He'd never learned their names, and had even somewhat forgotten their faces, but not Jungsu's. Seeing his glaring eyes once again just confirmed how crystal clear those memories were. 

With the door still open, Junmyeon could now hear Baekhyun unabashedly heckling the trainees from outside, and if he weren't so terrified he might have laughed. Jungsu redirected his glare, which up until that point had been zeroed in on Junmyeon, to what he assumed was Baekhyun's direction. Their manager grimaced before scurrying over to shut the door and finally silence Baekhyun's litany of cursing. 

Jungsu practically snarled when his glare quickly found its way back to Junmyeon's face. It took almost everything in him not to flinch. 

"Alright, if everyone will please take their seats." Their manager tsked, scooting the trainees towards their side of the table. While Jungsu maintained his fierce glare, the other three looked absolutely terrified. Junmyeon understood they willfully participated in the attack, but he also knew Jungsu was the ringleader. It was hard to not feel pity for them when their careers were now likely over due to the motivations of an emotionally stunted peer. 

Their manager cleared his throat loudly after he also took his seat, and upon confirming he had the room's attention began a full explanation of how the meeting would play out. Junmyeon learned that Mr. Choi would be representing himself and Sehun, and they would be giving their statements first. Mr. Lee would be representing the trainees who would follow with a statement of their own. They would then be excused, and the lawyers and management would deliberate on adequate consequences for the parties involved. 

Junmyeon found himself somewhat lost in the details, his mind clouded by his anxiety, and opted to simply speak or act when prompted. 

They decided to first start with Sehun's account of the evening, which initially caught Junmyeon off guard until he remembered how this all began. Listening to Sehun's calm, matter of fact tone as he spoke dissuaded some of his nerves and reminded him of why they were there in the first place. 

"I'm surprised you don't have his girlfriend here, this all started with her lying to him that I hit on her." Sehun paused, having finished his take on the night up until the point of the initial spat. 

"Ex-girlfriend." Jungsu interrupted at a volume unnecessary for the room, prompting Mr. Lee to shush him. 

"She was interviewed and deemed unnecessary for this meeting, potentially even harmful." Came the vague response from their manager, and Junmyeon could practically feel the restraint Sehun was practicing to not roll his eyes. "Please, continue Sehun."

The younger breathed. "Well, Junmyeon-hyung and I separated and he said he'd see me at dinner.. dinner came and he wasn't there, so I got worried and went looking for him. Jongin and Kyungsoo joined me."

It was at this point that their manager turned slightly to exchange some hushed words with one of the female employees presently taking notes. Junmyeon could make out Jongin and Kyungsoo's names being repeated, but not much else. When he was finished, she nodded and bowed her head slightly before exiting. 

It was only a minute or so later when she reentered with his two aforementioned, visibly nervous co-members. Junmyeon wished he could say or do something to calm them down, but knew it wasn't the time or place. Besides, it would also likely be wasted in his current emotional state.

"Sehun, we'd like you to once again continue. Jongin and Kyungsoo, please feel free to add any details or points along the way."

Sehun looked briefly over at Junmyeon, the distress visible in his eyes. "Well, um.." He attempted, having to swallow and take another breath before continuing. "We walked towards the offices since Jongdae had told us Junmyeon'd gone for more business cards, and that's when we found him." He paused again, looking down towards the table. 

It was clear to Junmyeon how difficult of a time Sehun was having in recounting these events. He'd been so caught up in his own anxiety he'd nearly forgotten the effect it'd had on the younger. All the nightmares? The anger? They'd become better for him since they'd gotten.. closer, but he now wondered how Sehun's individual interviews had gone. And why he hadn't talked to him about it. 

Junmyeon placed a hopefully reassuring open hand on Sehun's thigh, which did indeed garner a brief but appreciative look from him. The contact wasn't of the risky sort, but Junmyeon found he was still thankful for the privacy the tabletop offered. 

"And?" Their manager waved a hand. "How was he when you found him?"

"Do I have to go into that detail again?" Sehun asked, his forcedly annoyed tone doing well to cover up the distress that was likely only visible to those who knew the younger well enough.

"Yes." Their manager and lawyers responded in near perfect unison.

Junmyeon eyed Kyungsoo and Jongin pointedly, hoping they'd pick up on the cue to help out their maknae. He'd do it himself, but he unfortunately had been rather incapacitated at the time. 

Kyungsoo cleared his throat, drawing their attention. "We found him passed out on the ground of the hallway just outside the office. It was obvious immediately that he'd been attacked, his clothes were ripped and stained and his face was bruised. There was.. a lot of blood. Jongin and I were both a bit stunned, but Sehun.. Sehun went over to him to try and rouse him." 

He took a moment to look over at Jongin and Sehun, as if wordlessly asking that he was getting all of the important details. Jongin nodded towards him before adding "Junmyeon responded after a bit, and then we called 119. We followed their procedure exactly until they arrived to take him." 

There was a long pause, silence apart from the scratching of pens on paper as administrative staff took notes. 

"Anything to add before we turn back to Junmyeon's statement?" Mr. Choi asked, looking in Jongin and Sehun's direction. 

"Only monsters.." Sehun started, voice slightly scratchy. "Could have done what happened to Junmyeon. Cornering him off guard, outnumbering him.. hurting him. If things had gone worse.. or if he wasn't so strong, so dedicated to recover, we could've been left without yet another leader for EXO." 

Junmyeon's stomach twisted at that, mostly out of fear for Sehun's sake but also at the sheer truth of it. As hard as it was to imagine, he'd been so weak at the time of the attack that one wrong blow could've meant a much more serious outcome for him. Additionally, while he had never been one to pride himself too much on his accomplishments, he did understand his value as leader to EXO (punctuated by Sehun's jab that they'd only just recently lost Kris). His work ethic was actively sought after at this company, and he was still delivering work that met his own high standards while he was meant to be resting. He wouldn't have blamed anybody else for retiring prematurely after enduring all that he had. 

Junmyeon squeezed Sehun's thigh slightly, hoping it communicated his gratitude. It seemed to work, Sehun moved his own hand over Junmyeon's to squeeze lightly in response. He left it resting there atop his own, and Junmyeon made no moves to change that. 

"Monsters?" Jungsu spat, speaking out of turn once again. _This boy really doesn't know how to help himself._ "How were we supposed to know he was so delicate he couldn't take a little tussle?"

Junmyeon winced at the question, and Sehun seethed. 

Their manager cut in before either could even begin to put together a response. "Kim Jungsu, if you do not stop speaking out of turn we will discontinue this meeting and you will more than likely bear the brunt of the consequences."

Jungsu cowered back in his chair, which was admittedly quite satisfying for Junmyeon to see. 

Mr. Lee attempted to protest, accusing Sehun of being out of line as well, but Mr. Choi held up a hand before he could get another word out. "I think this is a good place to pause and excuse Jongin and Kyungsoo, then we'll continue with Junmyeon. Thank you, Sehun."

Once the room had settled back down, Junmyeon was prompted to start with his statement. He'd given it so many times by this point it practically felt rehearsed, which thankfully meant he could detach somewhat as he rattled through the events of the night. The fact that Jungsu was no longer attempting to bore an angry hole into him with his eyes also helped. The trainee was still sulking, gaze now focused on the far corner of the room. 

Even still, as he progressed further into the account he found himself slowing slightly, needing to pause to take more self-encouraging breaths. Sehun's hand became wrapped gently around his own along the way. 

"And I don't.. don't remember much after that." Junmyeon finished, finally releasing another breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. 

"Thank you, Junmyeon." Their manager nodded, with what was likely the kindest look he'd given him throughout this entire process. It took him somewhat off guard once again, which seemingly was the theme of this meeting when the trainees' statement began. 

It wasn't so much a statement as it was a plea, voiced entirely by Mr. Lee, to have mercy when deciding on adequate punishments for the trainees. Even with all the evidence of the attack, Junmyeon had still expected a flashy protest of innocence from them. Not some convoluted begging that they were _‘too young’_ and _‘didn't understand the consequences of their actions.’_

"Junmyeon and Sehun?" Their manager returned the focus to the pair. "You both stated in your accounts that Kim Jungsu came across as the leader in the attack. Do you mean this in the sense that he was the initiator?"

"Yes." Junmyeon replied near instantly, not bothering to glance in Jungsu's direction as he did. 

"I obviously wasn't there," Sehun squeezed Junmyeon's hand again. "But based on what I did see, yes."

"Thank you." Their manager nodded, and they continued through what felt like another half hour or so of back and forth questioning before they were finally excused for deliberation. 

Sehun and Junmyeon were reunited with the rest of EXO in another conference room, while the trainees were directed seemingly somewhere else. When the door closed behind them Junmyeon felt like he could finally breathe again. 

"Junmyeon-ah" Chanyeol rose from his seat as he walked further into the room, Sehun just behind him. "How did it go?"

"Differently than I expected.. but I think- I hope it went well." 

"I'm sure it did." Jongdae assured before wrapping his arms snugly around Junmyeon's shoulders. 

After Jongdae released him, Junmyeon looked across the room at all of them, sat, waiting patiently. "I'm not sure why you all had to be here, I'm sorry you lost a day." 

Baekhyun waved him off. "They told us only those who witnessed the fight had to come, but we all decided to anyways."

"We wanted to support you." Minseok added, and Junmyeon suddenly had to try to keep from tearing up. The adrenaline rush of the meeting was beginning to dwindle, and he felt the litany of emotions now crashing over him. 

"Sit, sit." Sehun urged under his breath, guiding him gently over to the table to sit down with the rest of them. 

Sehun proceeded to explain what had happened thus far to the group, focusing on the fact that they were currently waiting for the deliberation on the trainees' punishments. Junmyeon appreciated the much needed break, even if the rehashing didn't exactly help his nerves.

Jongdae was halfway through a question when a loud bang sounded through the room. Sehun practically lept up from his chair and stood in front of him, causing him to have to peer around the younger's back to see what had caused the noise. 

It was Jungsu. _Of course it was._

"You're not supposed to be in here." Sehun spoke curtly. "Go back to where you're supposed to wait."

"Or what? What are you gonna do to me?" Jungsu questioned, lifting his chin in defiance. "I have nothing to lose now that you two fucks singled me out."

"We did because it's the truth." Junmyeon interjected as he rose from his seat to stand next to Sehun. "You should listen to him, you're really just making this all so much worse for yourself."

"I'm making this worse?" Jungsu took a step forward, and Sehun attempted to stand in front of Junmyeon again. He didn't let him. "I'm pretty sure you two fags are doing enough of that for me." The trainee added, accentuating the slur like he knew the trouble it had caused them. Junmyeon still wasn't sure if he actually did or not. 

It was clear to the rest of the room that Jungsu was getting progressively angrier. Chanyeol held a hand up. "Hey, seriously, calm down. What do you think you have to gain coming in here and challenging them?"

Jungsu shrugged and flexed his arms, walking closer to Sehun. "Nothing, I guess. Except maybe a bit of satisfaction."

Sehun stepped forward as well. "Satisfaction? What kind of satisfaction could you get when your career is probably over?"

Junmyeon cringed, he knew Sehun was right but he doubted saying it out loud helped anything. 

"Fuck you." Jungsu fumed, puffing his chest out almost comically. "I think I'd be plenty satisfied giving you some of what I gave to him." He added, gesturing lewdly in Junmyeon's direction. 

Chanyeol moved further forward, standing alongside Sehun. Baekhyun followed close behind him. "Hey now, let's just calm down for a second. Maybe they won't blacklist you if you just chill out?"

Sehun had also taken another step forward, visibly on edge and holding a hand out in Junmyeon's direction, attempting to provide some sort of protective barrier. It was hard for Junmyeon to understand why when it was currently the younger being threatened. 

"Shut the fuck up." Jungsu spat at Baekhyun. 

"I think you're full of shit." Sehun started. "As much as I'd love to have the opportunity to lay into you after what you did to Junmyeon.. I just don't think you're worth the trouble." Sehun finished, turning to presumably return to his spot at the table.

Naturally, when Sehun had his back to him, that's when Jungsu charged. His body on autopilot, Junmyeon leapt forward to block his path before using every bit of strength he had to thrust a clenched fist up and into the trainee's face. 

It was like time slowed. Another round of adrenaline in his bloodstream, Junmyeon watched in half speed as Jungsu crumpled and clutched at his face, blood already beginning to run from his now red nose.

Junmyeon was mostly unaware of the others, his attention still zeroed in on what the impulsive trainee might do next. He did notice Sehun moving to partially stand in front of him yet again, Junmyeon didn't stop him this time. 

"You fuck!" Jungsu wailed, pulling his hand away from his face to look at the blood on his hands. His nose was probably broken. 

Almost as if Junmyeon's silent prayers were finally being answered, it was at this point that their manager and the lawyers entered the conference room. 

Jungsu noticed immediately. "Hey, he punched me!" He yelled, pointing an angry finger at Junmyeon. "I didn't do anything to him and he punched me, look at my nose!"

"Hmpf." Mr. Lee snorted, the frustration visible on his face. "We can bring you to a medic shortly, but the decision is already made. We only came here because you were not where you were meant to be, Kim Jungsu."

Jungsu gaped. "But.. but he-"

"These rooms are not under surveillance for privacy reasons, we have no way of knowing if you didn't simply harm yourself to try to pin something on him." Mr. Choi added, both his words and tone lifting some of the stress from Junmyeon's shoulders. 

Mr. Choi turned to face the rest of EXO. "Unless, of course, any of you are willing to corroborate Jungsu's claim."

Without missing a beat, every one of his co-members shook their heads in the negative. 

"Nope, no corroborating here." Baekhyun said, holding his hands up. 

"I didn't see anything." Jongin added. 

"Nothing whatsoever." Kyungsoo echoed. 

"Well, that's that, then." Their manager stated, clapping his hands together. "Now, Jungsu, please follow me." 

Jungsu took another long, almost pitiful sulk before he finally turned and followed the SM staff from the room. 

The door closed, and that's when the pain finally hit Junmyeon. God, the pain. One of his knuckles had split, and the rapid twisting movement of the hit had disturbed his ribs severely. He was only able to wonder how much he had disrupted his healing for a moment before he was distracted by Sehun's arms wrapping tightly around him. He pulled him in close and simply held him there, and Junmyeon once again didn't stop him. 

\--

"You're amazing." Sehun told him after pressing a light kiss to his forehead. They were back in their room now that the meeting had come to a close, and the first thing Sehun had done was pull him into yet another embrace. "Crazy, but amazing. How are you? How much are you hurt?"

"I'm fine." Junnyeon insisted, getting nothing but a doubtful look from the younger. "ll be fine." He corrected. "My doctor might not be too happy with me but I'll be fine, it doesn't feel that bad."

"If you say so." Sehun said, lips pulled back as he let his hand run down the length of Junmyeon's arm down to his hand to briefly inspect the split skin, then back up again to support his waist. "I'm just happy they got what was coming to them." 

"I am too." Junmyeon breathed. The trainees had all been fired, but only Kim Jungsu was blacklisted. While that practice was technically illegal, SM clearly found loopholes around the regulations, and Junmyeon was certainly not one to care for ethics in the case of Kim Jungsu.

"Thank you." Junmyeon let out after a pause, letting his forehead fall to rest on Sehun's chest. 

"Thank me?" Sehun questioned. Junmyeon could hear the smile in his voice. "I should be thanking you. You saved me back there." 

Junmyeon tilted his head and smiled back. "Just returning the favor." 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated as always. <3 
> 
> I'm sure most of you have seen this, but just in case.  
>   
> dadddyyyyyyyyyyy


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